Where to Start Networking or What to Do Next

Wondering where to start networking? Or wondering what to do next? Choose your level of networking experience (increasing experience as you go up) and your personal preference for details (more detail oriented to the right) and find your best option on what to do!



With all respects to Jessica Hagy of Indexed.

Be a Memorable Networker

You've worked hard to remember other people you meet when networking, but are they remembering you? It's great to keep other people in mind, but if they can't remember you, your name, or what you do, it's going to be difficult for them to help you out or send you referrals.

There are some guaranteed ways to be remembered: Be obnoxious. Try to sell them something when you first meet. Interrupt them. Don't listen. Be very strange.

Obviously, this isn't the way you want to be remembered. But you also don't want to be so blandly nice that they can't remember you except for a vague "umm, he's nice." Here are several ways to make sure that they remember you in a good way.

• Be Interested in Them: There is nothing nicer than feeling like someone finds you fascinating. You'll remember their interest and studies show that they'll think you're smarter, funnier and all around more interesting yourself! We know this because people generally don’t remember what you say, but they will remember how you made them feel. If they feel like you listened and were interested in them, like you thought they had something valuable to contribute and that you liked them personally, they will feel great and they’ll attach that feeling to you.
  
  
• Help Them Remember: Unless you have a very unusual name or occupation, assume that they need some help remembering you. Since one of the most common networking problems people say they have is remembering names, try to make it as easy as possible for them by giving them a memorable association to your name.
  
  And, give them a signature story or characteristic that they can attach to you. In the future, don't make them uncomfortable by assuming they remembered you. For more on how to handle that problem, check out this issue of The Networking Motivator (tm) Newsletter.
  
  
• Remind Them: In advertising the general rule of thumb is that it takes seven exposures to a message for someone to remember it. Why should we expect to be clearly remembered ourselves with just one meeting? There’s a saying that “the fortune is in the follow-up” but so is the formation of memory. Increase your number of exposures by sending them a thank you note that includes a brief summary of what you discussed (include a reference to your memorable “hook” or one of your stories).
  
  You can continue to follow up with relevant information that they would appreciate (and that would show you are a good listener). For example, they may have mentioned that they were considering advertising in a particular publication. If you know someone else who also advertised in it, consider connecting the two together. Your new contact will get the benefit of someone elses experience and your existing contact will get the benefit of making a new connection.

I have some other methods that I personally use to make myself memorable, but these three points are a great way to start. It takes practice to make it easy for other people, but once you think of it from their perspective you'll find it to be a habit you want to keep.

Do you have a way of making sure that people remember you?

Photo courtesy of teclasorg from Flickr

Central California Women's Conference 2010

My tote bag was full, my water bottle empty and my feet were sore. Marie Osmund was so funny, the lunch was very good and I saw so many great people. It was the end of a wonderful day at the Central California Women's Conference in Fresno. Did you go? And did you get out of it what you wanted? Here's how it went for me and how I'm going to fine-tune what I do in future years:

• What a dilemma: Wear fabulous shoes because everyone is so beautifully dressed up or go for comfort. Right now my feet say "comfort" but that will probably wear off by next year. You don't want to miss potential connections because you had to sit down: wear comfortable shoes.
  
  
• Stay longer. I had to leave to speak with one of my favorite groups (Central Valley Professionals), so next year I'll check the calendar for September. But I had to rush through part of the display. With an event this big, plan to stay all day.
  
  
• Even if it's not something you think is relevant to you, be curious about every booth. I paused at the Community Hospital booth where they had the Da Vinci Surgical System on display. It was a nice surprise that several of the doctors who use the system were in the booth. I had a long conversation with Dr. William Carveth not only about the machine but about Clovis and the development of our hospital. You can get unexpected information you wouldn't have had the chance to learn otherwise.
  
  
• It was a very big event with hundreds of booths and 3, 400 attendees. There were times when the aisle was so crowded that you had to be very patient. There were amazing sessions, but it was more important to me to see people I knew, make connections with new people working for existing Chamber members and to see what companies were still doing some marketing. When an event has that much going on, you should narrow your focus.
  
  
• Thom Singer, The Conference Networking Catalyst, has a great deal of information and ideas on getting the most out of conferences on his blog at http://thomsinger.blogspot.com/
  

I had a great time and saw people I hadn't seen, got updated on changes at some companies and was very encouraged by the excitement and enthusiasm of the companies here in our valley. Congratulations to the organizers... once again, a fantastic event for the women of the Central Valley. I'm already looking forward to next year!

Lessons from a Community Resource Summit

Last week I attended the Community Resource Summit as a presenter and an exhibitor for the Clovis Chamber of Commerce. I had heard about it before, but until I got a call from one of the organizers, I have to admit that I hadn't thought about attending.

There were many networking lessons learned from this:

1. Your network will find and suggest opportunities for you that you would not have discovered on your own. I was asked to participate for the Chamber because of the involvement of one of our board members, but then I tapped into my network to find out more about the event before I made the commitment. They all said it would be a good opportunity. Let other people's experience guide your choices.
   
   
2. There are industries, professions and groups of people you haven't begun to tap into. I had no idea how many non-profits we have here in the valley and how much work so many of them do. I would not have been able to learn about these organizations and their activities so easily in one place without the event.
   
   
3. You might think you know "everyone" but you don't. I spend the majority of my time networking with people who are in very similar circles. So I usually know quite a few people wherever I go. It would be easy to think that this "microcosm" is the entire business world. Events that are outside your usual are a great way to be reminded that there is always room to expand your network.
   
   
4. Social networking and social media are still very new to many people. I presented to a group of about 50 people who mainly represent non-profits. Some have taken small steps into Facebook for themselves personally but are still looking for ways to expand their usage to help their organizations. I think that social media sites are a powerful tool for these organizations to leverage their resources.

If you work with a non-profit organization, I recommend that you put this on your calendar for next year. It usually takes place in early September, so put it in your tickler file for August.

And, if you'd like a copy of the slide show that I presented at the event, you can get it at http://www.slideshare.net/BethBridges/social-media-as-a-networking-tool-for-non-profits

I Get So Much More Back Now ...

I'm not complaining in the slightest, haha! I just sometimes wonder why it feels like I get so much back from other people in the form of referrals, suggestions, resources, ideas, compliments, feedback and all the good stuff that comes to those who network. I work hard to give just as much if not more out to my network, but some days it feels like I get so much more back than I put in.

I call it the multiplier effect of networking. The helpful and positive things that I do for other people gets paid forward, expanded on, turned around, and value gets added. The group as a whole is lifted up. People find it easier to do good things for each other. And then it comes back around to me, my work is enhanced and it gets passed along again.

Like pushing someone on a swing. Each push adds a little more momentum so the rider goes higher and higher until there's hardly any effort involved at all. You only need to give it little pushes to keep going. But you can't stop. Eventually the momentum runs out and everything stops.

It's the same with networking. It's hard at first and you seem to get so little back from your effort. But then it starts to add up. A little bit of energy goes a longer way. Until all you need to do is give it regular small pushes and momentum keeps carrying you forward. Your effort doesn't add up, it multiplies.

Here are the things I do that I think multiplies my networking efforts.

• Long-term Consistent Networking: I've been in the same job in the same community doing the same events for nearly seven years. That kind of consistency adds up. It's a very different dynamic when you and someone else "go back for years." Do you think you'll know more about how you can help someone you've known for 10 years than someone you just met? A long history of being helpful, of being a resource goes a long way toward building a great relationship.
  
• Regular Habit of Small Things: I look for things that I can do quickly when the opportunity strikes, rather than hold back all my effort for the big kill. This way I can help more people and I have the chance to do something maybe every day, maybe twice a day. The more often you do something, the easier it gets and the more of a habit you establish.
  
• Helping Many at Once: A big part of my job is creating activities where a lot of people come together in one place at one time such as Speed Networking and mixers. It's an incredible way to help many more people, all at once, with the same amount of effort. Oh, I still connect people one-on-one, but for sheer momentum and compounding your effort, few things beat being the organizer of an event where 100+ people got to build relationships.
  

What ways are you multiplying your networking efforts?

Photo from Flickr by Marcin Wichary

Can I Give You a Compliment?

More importantly, can you take a compliment? For some people, I think they almost know how to deal with an insult better than a little appreciation. The conversation goes like this:

Me: “That is a really sharp outfit.”

Them: “Oh, this old thing?”

Me: “No, really, it’s a great color and very flattering.”

Them: “What!? It makes my butt look fat.”

Obviously, this is a conversation with a woman, haha. But I’ve had similar experiences with men.

Me: “Hey, that is a great tie.”

Them (looking at the tie with a perplexed expression): “What? Oh …”

When someone gives you a compliment, they are showing appreciation or gratitude. They are expressing their liking for you by noticing your clothes, jewelry, office furnishings, car or other material items. In commending your hard work, they are telling you that they are aware and responsive to what you are doing.

When you turn around and dismiss the compliment with “Oh, this is ugly” or “Really? I hate this desk” or “It wasn’t a big deal, anyone could do it” you are telling them that they are stupid, have bad taste, and don’t know what they’re talking about.

Now that’s definitely not what you mean. Mom taught us to not brag. Or we don’t know where to take the conversation from there. For many of us, it’s just a bad habit.

You need to break this habit and learn to be gracious in receiving compliments. They are giving you a gift. You need to accept that gift. Otherwise you are rejecting their opinion, their generosity, and ultimately … them.

What should you do when someone gives you a compliment?

Say “Thank you” in a very pleased tone of voice and then move the conversation to the next topic.
“Oh, why thank you. Hey, have you met Bob?”

Say “Thank you” and then compliment something of theirs or something that they’ve done. But be very careful because it could seem insincere.
“Thank you. I was admiring your jacket. What a great color.”
“Thank you. I appreciate you being here. You’ve helped make this mixer a success.”

Say “Thank you” and then tell them something interesting about the item.
“Thank you. This was my grandmother’s ring and it’s very special to me.” (This is my favorite because it makes the conversation a little more meaningful and they feel even better since they noticed something that was special to you.)

Are you now ready to take a compliment?

You’re a great blog reader. You’ve helped me talk about some very important networking topics.

Now … be gracious and say “thank you!”

Photo from Flickr by Daquella Manera

The Power of In Jokes for Networkers

A networking event without a little fun is like ice cream without chocolate syrup. Oh the ice cream is good stuff, but the chocolate syrup takes it to the next level.

I amp up the fun factor in my networking with laughter. And one of my favorite ways to have a laugh, especially with the people I've known for a while, is to have "in jokes."

Forgive me for quoting Wikipedia, but they explain it so very well:

"An in-joke (also known as an in joke or inside joke) is a joke whose humor is clear only to those people who are "inside" a social group, occupation or other community of common understanding. It is humorous only to those who know the situation behind it. Inside jokes may exist within a small social clique, such as a group of friends. They also may extend to an entire profession (e.g., inside jokes in the film industry)."

By it's very description, do you see where this might not only be fun in networking, but a helpful way to strengthen relationships? Networking is about saying "We mesh. We work well together. We can help each other. We've hung out together enough that we have these little jokes."

And to me, when I've got an in joke with someone, I feel like they're special enough to me (and hopefully vice verse) that I'm going to remember the joke and use it to remind them of our special bond.

Here's an example of some of the in jokes that I have going with people:

• My co-worker whom I greet with "yo G" and she say's "What up B?"
• My friend whom I refer to as my "gangsta coach"
• My fellow Toastmaster whom I will introduce as a "former Ninja"
• A Chamber member whom I now refer to as the "Ninja killer" (no relation to my Toastmaster friend).

Why have in jokes with people?

• It reminds them of unique experiences you may have had together.
• It's a bonding experience that emphasizes what you have in common.
• It illustrates your sense of humor.
• You remind them that they are part of your "in" group and that they are accepted by the social circle.
• Professional in jokes show that you are current within your industry.
• It illustrates and enhances your friendliness and your authenticity (vital components of Tim Sanders' Likeability Factor)
  
• Clean and kind humor is always appreciated by everyone who shares in it. When you make people laugh, they like you more.
  

A few tips on using in jokes:

• Never, ever create or perpetuate an in joke that is derogatory.
• If they don't laugh, or repeat their line, it isn't funny any more. Drop it.
• Ask. I checked with my friend on calling him the "Ninja Killer" and he thinks it's funny.
• Be willing to let others in on the joke. The downside of creating an "exclusive" joke with one person is that they others are then left out. So expand your in jokes or create new ones with the people who know of your other special stories.

Do you have an in joke you're willing to share? Post your comment below and let us in on the joke!

P.S. I'm having a problem posting my own comments =-) and I want to respond to Susan and Susan:

Susan Brooks: Thank you. You make a very good point about using in jokes in public. By including one person, you don't want to make others feel excluded. Either leave the in jokes to non-public settings, or use them and then let everyone else "in on it" by telling the story.

Susan Whitcomb: Well, you should always be marketing ;-)

Photo from Flickr by The Hills are Alive

You Look So Familiar... Is That Why I Like You?

If you're looking for an iron-clad excuse for avoiding networking, you can blame the millions of years of evolution that taught humanity to flee the unknown. The dangerous world taught us to fear the strange and the unfamiliar. We have a hard time liking things that we fear.

A strong networking strategy requires us to meet, get to know, and build a trusting relationship with people who've never seen our face before. But we're working against a deep and subtle distrust of the unfamiliar every time we meet new people. How can you overcome that? By becoming familiar. The "exposure effect" is what happens when people see or are in proximity to something: the tend to like it more, merely by getting used to it.

So the more you network and the more people are exposed to you - whether or not you even talk to them - the more they are going to like you. Other studies have shown that the more times someone sees a face, the more likely they are to rate it as good looking. It is absolutely not true that familiarity breeds contempt. It builds comfort and likability.

If you want to be an effective networker, you need to use this principal to become familiar to people through regular exposure and proximity.

Real estate agents are great at this. Look at their businesses cards. They spend the extra money to have a full-color picture of themselves printed on their cards. Their pictures are on their signs and any other marketing materials they have. By the time you meet them, you've seen their picture often enough that their face has become familiar to you.

This works for people on TV. Don't you feel like you know your favorite newscaster? You see them every night. If you ran into them at the grocery store, you'd talk to them as if you knew them (I know ... I've done this. Hopefully they get used to this effect and don't freak out!).

I did something interesting - by accident - to help people know me at an event this weekend. You can read about it in this week's issue of the Networking Motivator Newsletter.

What can you do to help people become familiar with you before you meet them?

P.S. Yes, that is my picture ;-)

Customize Your Personality ... The Lazy Way

I don't know about you, but I'll admit to my own laziness. I've learned keyboard shortcuts so I don't have to move my hand to the mouse. I keep my running shoes on my treadmill so I don't have to walk down the hall to get them. And now, I've learned that I can customize my own personality and habits just by doing something that I've always done.

James Fowler and Nicholas Christakis, professors of political science and sociology respectively, have conducted four studies in as many years that suggest that our weight, generosity, happiness and whether we smoke or not is strongly influenced by our social networks (i.e. the people we're connected to and surrounded by in real life).

We've probably all heard that our income is within 10% of that of our five closest friends, or that you are most like the five people you spend the most time with. I've suspected that those have been repeated so often that we believe they are true. But now, looking at the summaries of the studies by Fowler and Christakis, I'm wondering if they are true just by projection from the other things that have been shown to be true.

They've got studies showing that generosity is contagious within a social network and that what you weight and if you smoke or not is affected by the people you spend time with. Can you see how that might work? For example, if you're the only one in the group who doesn't smoke, eventually peer pressure (and standing outside by yourself) could eventually wear you down. If your friends all eat half a pizza for dinner, it's almost impossible to nibble at your salad while they've got pepperoni grease dripping off their chin.

So how can we all use this information to our laziest advantage? I'm assuming that as a reader of this blog, you network on a regular basis or in a systematic way in order to grow your business or develop your career. At the same time, you are influencing your own thought patterns when it comes to your weight, smoking, generosity and who knows what else.

Maybe you're increasing your tendency to get up and take action to achieve your goals. Why not? You're spending time with other people who chose to be at a networking event instead of vegging out on the sofa in front of American Idol. Okay, they might be DVR'ing it. They are still practicing delayed gratification.

Maybe you're working on a more positive mindset. People who network might be a more optimistic group of people because they believe that something good will happen from their efforts.

So ... by networking, you are using a lazy, no-extra-effort-required technique to improve your health, wealth and wisdom. Assuming you're spending time with people who have the positive characteristics that you're looking for.

And as any parent who has said #$%^ in front of their child knows, everything you do influences someone else. Would you have that extra donut if you knew you were eating - not for two - but for your entire social group? Now you've got an extra responsibility for the people who spend their time with you!

Personally, I feel like I've already got an amazing group of people that I spend time with via my networking activities. They are positive, upbeat, serious about their businesses, spend time learning, develop their skills and they are supportive of each other.

How is your social network customizing your personality?

Is "Know, Like & Trust" Enough? For Some, It's not Everything, It's the Only Thing

Bob Burg, author of "Go Givers Sell More", says that all other things being equal (and sometimes not), people do business with those they know, like and trust. But in a series of blog posts this week, Bob has asked the question "Is it enough?" What!? Is he losing his faith in the value of networking? Am I? Of course not. By asking this question, Bob is taking us deeper into the idea of loyalty and the value of what we have to offer.

His first post asked "is know, like and trust everything?" Generally speaking, with all things being equal or close to equal, it is enough but not always everything. I've even done business with the more expensive person because I knew, liked and/or trusted them that much. There are times when it's not enough. Someone is much higher priced; although I think perhaps that's a trust issue. You don't believe that they are providing the added value. Someone might be very inconveniently located. Although I knew a woman who will drove over an hour each way to get her hair cut. And someone just might not have the exact product you wanted. Although if you liked them enough, they might be able to talk you into something else. Sometimes you just don't have the price/product/delivery options or mix that the customer wants, even though they know, like and trust you.

So my concluding comment to this question was that it is "enough" enough of the time that you would be foolish to ignore it.

But now that I think about it, I know there are business people for whom it is everything. And if you don't put it at the absolute forefront of all that you do, you will completely fail in your business.

Which business people? Imagine two people. They have the same exact product. Same prices. Same marketing materials. Same business plan. Same distribution. Everything the same. Except for the person selling the product and running the business.

How could that be? What possible business is there where there could be not only two people with the same exact price and product, but hundreds of people with the same exact price and product?

Mary Kay, Arbonne, Avon, Tupperware, ACN, Fortune Hi Tech Marketing, Pre-Paid Legal, Juice Plus, Send Out Cards, Melaleuca ... all the hundreds of direct or "network marketing" companies.

Every person with every one of these companies has the same distribution, price, and product. The only reason you would do business with one person in the same company and not another is either: 1) you met them first or 2) you know, like and trust that person more than the other.

And you'll only stay with the first person you met as long as you develop the relationship. If your Mary Kay lady sells you once, then disappears and you need lipstick, any one of the representatives you know can get you the product. Why would you hunt down your original Mary Kay lady unless you knew, liked and trusted her more than you valued your convenience? If she hasn't created that relationship, no sweat. You can get the same exact price and product from someone you hope you'll be able to trust to stick around in the future.

So what makes the difference in whether or not you (as a direct/network marketer) will get the business?

Do they know, like and trust you?

YOU! Your personality, the way you make other people feel, your consistency and reliability, the number of people who know you, having people like you enough to refer you. These are the ONLY ways you are going to be able to distinguish your business from someone else in your company.

You'd better hope to hell that you've got this figured out. Or that you are well on your way to figuring it out. In a choice between learning more about your product or spending time developing your likeability (read Tim Sanders), getting better known, and becoming trustworthy forget about the product knowledge. People will forgive the details (come on, you've got catalogs, websites, and uplines) if you're nice. You're better off being super nice and friendly even if you don't know the details on the third iteration of the upline value proposition for the compensation plan. Tiziana Casciaro and Miguel Sousa Lobo proved it in their 2005 study titled "Competent Jerks, Lovable Fools, and the Formation of Social Networks." People would rather work with someone who didn't really do a good job, but who were really nice. And it didn't matter how good you were at the work if you were a jerk.

Since there's "only" 15 million people in the U.S. who are involved in network marketing, "know, like and trust" can't be that important, can it?

Oh wait. My brain just told me there might be a few other business people who have a similar situation: insurance agents, stockbrokers, real estate agents, mortgage lenders, grocery stores, franchises...

Do you now have a more urgent sense of the importance of getting known, becoming likable and developing trust?

Better pick up a couple of Bob Burg's books.

Better subscribe to my free weekly newsletter "The Networking Motivator."

Better do something ...

Two Major Ideas from The Time of Your Life

Last week Arsen Marsoobian made his platform speaking debut at an event called "The Time of Your Life is Now." There was incredible array of speakers including Les Brown, Lynn Rose and Jeff Eben. It was a great time and I had two "slap-yourself-in-the-forehead-networking-moments"... and of course I'll share them with you.

Les Brown has been named one of the top 5 speakers in the world by Toastmasters International. He has received the National Speakers Association rare and prestigious "Golden Gavel" award and he is a best-selling author. Les' rate is $30,000 for a keynote speech. Not the slightest bit of offense to Arsen, but I couldn't figure out how in the world he was going to be able to make enough on the event to cover Les' fee, much less all the other amazing speakers who were on the stage, plus the cost of renting the Saroyan Theater for a full day.

Maybe Arsen already had a thousand tickets sold. Maybe he was independently wealthy. Maybe he had massive sponsorship. I didn't know, but I wasn't going to question the chance to see Les Brown and all the other speakers up close and in person.

So how did he do it? How did Arsen afford the 30k to bring Les Brown to Fresno?

He didn't. Mamie Brown's baby boy did it for free. Zero. Nothing. You know why?

Networking. Les likes Arsen. That's all. They met at a speaker training event where Arsen was the learner and Les one of the presenters. Arsen had a huge dream to bring an event to Fresno full of amazing speakers (including himself). Les, Lynn Rose and the other speakers were so charmed by Arsen that they agreed to do it.

Never, ever doubt the power of networking. In this case, one relationship was worth $30,000, the launch of a speaking career and an opportunity for the people in Fresno to see presentations they never otherwise would have.

Next time you think you've got to meet 50 people to make your networking event worthwhile, remember Arsen. It took just one new friend to make it all worthwhile.

The other take-away for me was also networking related (surprise!). Speaker after speaker talked about the value of relationships. They quoted a study that said your income is within 10% of the income of the five people you spend the most time with. Other studies have suggested that obesity is contagious; if your friends are overweight, it's likely you will be too. You are defined by the company you keep.

If your friends are fat and poor, it's still okay to love them. But maybe it's time to add some new friends to the mix. Don't feel bad; if you get richer and thinner, you'll increase the average for everyone and help pull your friends up too.

But how do you find the kind of people who are going to encourage and push you to greater accomplishments?

Networking! Of course. You can tailor your efforts to find people you're interested in spending time with. You might even find that some of them want to spend time with you ;-)

Photos (top to bottom): Beth and Les Brown, Beth and Jeff Eben, Beth and Michelle Prince.

Derailed! What I'm Doing to Get Back on Track

It's official. I spent almost all of February being sick. I know a lot of other people who've been in the same boat. For me, the worst part about it is that it completely halted my exercise program and put several writing projects on the shelf. It has the potential to be very discouraging. Lost! An entire month with nothing to show for it except for sore ribs from all the coughing.

What to do? As I see it, there are only two choices. Give up and sit on my sofa eating Pringles until I weigh 500 pounds or...

Get back on track!

Get back to working out every day, even if it's just 6 minutes of strength-building exercises. Get back to writing every day whether it's the blog, articles or just a little bit of editing. Get back to eating healthful foods instead of eating for comfort (mmm, Pringles).

First thing I do is not get discouraged. It's a horrible emotion. Dissect the word: "dis" is a Latin prefix that means "apart" or "away" or having a negative or reversing effect; "courage" is a quality of mind or spirit that lets you face fear, difficulties, or unexpected changes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution.

Being discouraged means you've lost self-confidence and now you can't face the inevitable ups and downs of life. Gosh, the next step is hopelessness and I absolutely don't want to go there.

One part of getting back on track is realizing that it's a normal part of life. This wasn't the first time it happened and it won't be the last. Nothing goes straight up forever. Ask stock brokers.

Even world-class atheletes like Lance Armstrong don't expect to get infinitely better every single day. They take breaks so that they can come back even stronger. So I tell myself, "Hey, I'll come back refreshed with a new enthusiasm for exercise and writing because I haven't been able to do it in so long."

I also don't expect to get back to where I was, expecially with working out, in just a few days. In fact, trying to run two miles today would probably kill me. I'd cough up a lung in the first few running steps. So I've got to start slow. Just enough to rebuild the habit. It takes 21 days to create a new habit or break an old one. I've got to break the old "habit" of not exercising and then reestablish the new one. Figure 42 days or six weeks to really get back to where I was before I got off track.

Therefore, patience is the final key. In another week, I might be up to 15 minutes of brisk walking, not where I want to be, but a lot closer than I was.

I'm also looking on the bright side. The enforced rest has helped my very sore shoulder get much better. The break from writing has given me a better perspective and perhaps will release a new flood of creativity. And, for a couple weeks, I ate whatever I wanted!

Now, back to reality of a little bit of exercise, a lot less chips and chocolate, and a lot more keyboarding.

I'm looking forward to it.

Photo from Flickr courtesy of AussieGall

More Persuasive Coffee with Kevin Hogan

Today he's actually drinking green tea. Every week Kevin Hogan, body language and persuasion expert, sends out an email newsletter. For three weeks in a row, there's been something in it that is fantastic for everyone who wants to network for better results. How about we just make it a regular thing? He sends out the email and I blog about it, okay?

I can sum up this week's persuasive point in one small word: shh! Kevin says the reason we lose sales, lose people's attention and don't get the cooperation we're looking for is that we talk too much. Have you ever talked yourself out of a sale? I know I have.

And yet, he cites a study that looked at how willing people were to help a stranger. When they sat in a room together for just a few minutes, the helping rate was about 50%. When there was a conversation, the helping rate was ... about 50%. Just the familiarity of sitting together made people willing to help someone else! Not a word was said and they were still willing.

The practical application of this in networking depends on something called "oscillation." People generally decide subconsciously what they are going to do in the less than the first minute. But then they go back and forth between yes and no. The more you talk, the more likely you are to "help" them decide against what you're asking them to do. In networking, you're "asking" them to trust and like you. If you dominate the conversation, pound them with a sales pitch, and don't let them talk about their own interests, you've lost that trust and liking. You'll have to work harder to gain it back.

I think I've said enough! What's your take on this idea?

Related posts:
Does Admitting a Weakness Strengthen the Relationship
Why You Should be Sharing Your Favorite Things, Hobbies & Interests with Other People

Photo from Flickr courtesy of Desirée Delgado

Does Admitting a Weakness Strengthen the Relationship?

Once again, Kevin Hogan, author and body language expert, has hit a home run for the networking team. After showing us a few weeks ago how important it is to seek out something in common with people, Kevin now points out that there's research showing it is incredibly important to share our weaknesses with people. It takes down the other person's defenses and shows you to be honest. A better and faster rapport is developed. People who use this approach in business sell 2 to 3 times more than those who try to appear perfect.

Let me state for the record that I am a complete kitchen klutz. Not only can I not cook, but I have burned myself, scorched pans and generally made a mess out of the food. I am absolutely banned from using sharp knives and if I do pick one up, my husband usually says "Put it down, you're making me nervous." There's a family history; Grandma got 7 stitches once by dropping a knife in the garbage disposal. (photo courtesy of Ongushi on Flickr)

The research that Kevin Hogan referred to is called the Omega Strategy, Persuasion by Removing Resistance and was developed by Dr. Eric Knowles. You can learn a little bit more about it on his website, but the main point is that there are different kinds of resistance. Each one requires a different approach to overcome.

Why is this important for networkers? Because you're trying to build credibility (NO selling!) when you network. Even if you're a laid-back, no pressure, get to know them first kind of networker, there is resistance in their mind. They are waiting for the other shoe to drop because they've been "chatted up" too many times in preparation for the big pitch.

Do you think it might be useful to learn how to get past that resistance when you network?

Oh, by the way, I would also absent-mindedly leave half-empty cups of tea all over the house if JD didn't keep track of them.

Where are You on Their Loyalty Ladder? … and How to Move Up

I had coffee this weekend with my friend and book coach, Jill Hendrickson. She asked if we could meet at Fig Garden Village. Anywhere that I wanted, as long as it was in Fig Garden. Given the option to pick the location for a coffee meeting, how do you choose where to meet?

I call it my “Loyalty Ladder.” At the very top of the ladder are Clovis Chamber members. If given the choice of where to meet, I’ll pick a chamber member. If there aren’t any chamber members within the area, then the next rung down is locally owned. After that, the loyalty goes to a variety of businesses: healthy food choices, recommended by a friend, or positive perception. And of course, location and convenience have to come into play. I’ve had coffee at Starbucks because they are everywhere including halfway between wherever my business connection and I are coming from.

Here’s my “Loyalty Ladder.” I prefer to do business with the first one on the list. If that’s not available, then the next one, not available, then the next one, etc.

Clovis Chamber member
then
Locally owned
then
Recommended (or preferred) by a friend
then
Previous experience
then
Small business
then
Only place with the product
then
Whatever is available

Where are you on the “Loyalty Ladder” of your customers? Do you want your business to be the source of last resort? Or are you their first choice, whenever possible? Are you in a particular category that is appealing to a certain group? For example, I’m guessing that people who drive Prius’ prefer to do business with green companies. NASCAR fans will buy from companies that sponsor their driver.

Do you notice one thing about my personal “Loyalty Ladder?” You can move up it by being recommended by a friend. If I have the choice of two businesses, one that I know nothing of and the other that has been mentioned, of course I’ll go for the latter. Sure, quality of product and cost of their service comes into play. But unless prices are wildly different, I’ll still go with the business where I feel like I have some kind of relationship with them. If you’ve got a product that is very similar to someone else product and price isn’t a factor, what is going to move you higher up the ladder than your competition? The quality of the relationship you have with the customer.

I do business with Chamber members because I usually know them and I like them because they choose to support my organization and the community. I do business with locally owned companies because even though I might not know the owner, I feel more connected to them because they are from the same town. People want to do business with people and businesses that they know, like and trust. Networking and building personal relationships with people can move you up their ladder.

Get out there and start climbing!

Why You Should be Sharing Your Favorite Things, Hobbies & Interests With Other People

Finally, a great answer to the dismissive attitude that sharing your personal preferences with other people is a waste of time from Kevin Hogan, body language and persuasion expert, author and speaker publishes a weekly newsletter called “Coffee with Kevin Hogan!”

In this week’s video newsletter, Kevin talks about a study on finding out what persuades people to help a relative stranger. I suggest you listen for yourself, but here’s the bottom line that I took away from it:

The more specific, unusual or rare thing you have in common with someone, the more likely they are to help you and think positively of you.

It doesn’t have to be a big thing. In the study, something as little as having a birthday in common was enough to make huge changes in the rate of people willing to help.

How can you apply this to your networking and business relationship building efforts? There is no such thing as meaningless small talk! When you ask questions, you’re learning about their hobbies, background and preferences. Somewhere along the way, you are going to discover something in common. That one maybe little thing is going to move the relationship forward.

Why should you care? As Bob Burg teaches us: All things being equal, people prefer to do business with people they know, like and trust.

Think you don’t have something in common with another person? You never, ever know what connection you might have.

On Tuesday, I presented to a group of professional people who are in job searches. Afterward I started talking to a man name Vernon. He’s new to town, moved here from Austin, Texas and before that, he lived in Atlanta. No way we have something in common, right? Wrong. He’s in Fresno because his wife grew up in a small town in the nearby foothills. The same small town that I grew up in. She went to the elementary school where my dad taught. I guarantee that her younger brothers remember my dad.

Do you think I feel connected to Vernon? You betcha. I hope he feels the same way about me. I look forward to building a professional networking relationship with him … because his wife and I grew up in the same town.

How about that as a case for small talk!

My Five Secrets to Success with Membership in the Fresno Women’s Network

I have used these five strategies to gain tremendous benefits from my membership in the Fresno Women’s Network.


Longevity

I first joined the network nearly 10 years ago. That’s almost half the lifetime of the FWN. Even if you just joined today, you too can have longevity. Just stick around for the rest of the decade. By 2020, you’ll have been involved for a third of the lifetime of the network.


Consistency

I joined the network and then I stayed a member and showed up on a regular basis. When you’re consistent, you become trusted. People want to do business with people they know, like and trust. They have to see you around to get to know you.


Visibility

I was encouraged to sign up for a committee when I first joined. From the PR committee, I became the first chairwoman of the Website committees. The Fresno Women’s Network has a plethora of committees. By joining a committee you become visible to the entire membership of the network.


Consanguinity

I have a strong affinity and a close connection to the members of the network because we all have something in common. Besides being women, we also all value networking and relationships. That’s what consanguinity means, having a close relationship or connection. Networking is easier with people you already have a connection to.


Hilarity

I can always count on a happy meeting and a good laugh with my friends at the network. For example, during a recent meeting, I posted a picture to Facebook. On my way to the ladies room, another member teased me about Facebooking during the meeting. Wait a minute - there was only one way she would have known that! I still laugh about that one. Sharing laughter and humor brings us closer together. And it gives us strength when we have to share the tears.


Thank you for letting me be part of such a wonderful organization. I wish all of you the same success with the Fresno Women’s Network.


P.S. This also works for any other organization you might be interested in, such as the Clovis Chamber of Commerce.

You're on my Team ... and You Don't Even Know It

At risk of sounding hopelessly uncool by using ancient slang: I wouldn't be where I am without my "peeps." You know... my people. The excellent friends, contacts, and business partners who help me get stuff done.

The experts tell you "have a team" and "build your system by outsourcing." I used to think I had do it all myself because I couldn't afford to pay someone to do things. And that I should be able to do it on my own.

I know better now. I have an extensive team of people who help me get things done, maintain things, and learn stuff.

Funny part is that many of them don't know that I consider them to be part of my "team." And they are people you might not normally think would be part of a business person's team. But anyone who uses their expertise to provide a service that I need regularly, and who does it in a way that saves me time, effort or even money... they are part of my team.

The people I work with at the Clovis Chamber (of course), the Ambassadors Committee (of course), and my husband (of course). But also on my team? Sophia, who cuts my hair. Jill Hendrickson, who is my book coach. Siran, who runs Orphan Annies. And my new best friends forever? The ladies at Sunny Chinese Massage at First and Bullard (ahhh, good-bye stiff neck).

I think it's important to think of people who help you and provide services as "being on your team." It reminds you of how interconnected we all are. And you'll treat people in a way that is different in a really positive way that they might not be able to put their finger on, but they'll appreciate.

Are you secretly on my team? If I treat you good, you probably are!

Thanks Team.

Every Day is Today ... Resolution Day, That Is

On New Years Day, there are two kinds of people: those who make resolutions and those who don't. Is this a form of the continuing battle between optimists and pessimists? Is is a triumph of hope over experience? Or are the people who make resolutions just doing what I do almost every day?

Although I don't make resolutions, New Years Day is still a favorite holiday of mine. There's a sense of renewal, a feeling of refreshment, and a chance to begin anew. If I feel that way about it, why don't I make resolutions? Because I try to resolve every day.

They're not "resolutions" to me. They are goals and principals; strategies and plans. I don't make new ones every day - you can't pile that many on. Those that I do make, I review almost every single day.

But I still really enjoy the feeling of New Years Day. I try to soak it up so I can wring out a bit of this feeling all year long. Here's to a great 2010!

How about you? Optimist or pessimist? Resolutions or not?

I Got a "Hit and Run" Thank You-ing

I got a thank you call at the office this afternoon from a woman who is part of the Central Valley Professionals Job Club. It felt like a friendly "hit and run" because she identified herself, thanked me, told me how encouraged she was by me and then she was done. The whole thing took maybe two minutes. Out of the blue. How nice was that.

I speak at CVP once a month to encourage the job seekers to get themselves out there and network. Since it's a discouraging time to be unemployed, I try to be as energetic as possible. I'm also not afraid to be a little silly and make them laugh. And of course, I try to give them the mostly usefully helpful information possible while encouraging them as much as I can.

Sometimes even I feel a little disheartened at seeing some of the same faces each month. I like seeing them, just not in this context.

So the phone call was validation and a little return on investment. She told me that she appreciated my encouragement. It helped her keep going. She just knew that she would be finding a job soon.

I know she will, too, with that attitude.

Would you PLEASE Join Toastmasters (before I listen to another one of your teleseminars)

I enjoy listening to free, archived online teleseminars. Especially while I'm doing repetitive database work. I'll do a search for whatever topic I'm interested in, plus the words free and teleseminars.

There are a lot of them out there. I recommend you do the same so you can take advantage of these great opportunities to learn. Why are there so many out there? They are a powerful way for speakers, coaches, and authors to promote themselves, their services, and their books.

Except when they can't speak.

I've listed to some where the presenter peppers their information with uh, um, you know, and, uhhhhh. But I haven't listed for long. The greatest, most useful, and helpful information in the world is not going to be useful to anyone if the message is not delivered well.

Please, please get some objective feedback from a trained evaluator. Your nearest Toastmasters club will be happy to provide one.

If your speech is studded throughout with those conversation stoppers, please, please join Toastmasters. And then I promise to listen to all your teleseminars.

How I Become Uncomfortable with my Networking

I attended the Fresno Women's Network meeting this Tuesday, as I do nearly every month. Much to my surprise, I felt a little bit awkward. It was an uncomfortable feeling and it seemed like I was having to work harder than usual. This isn't normal for me. I network frequently and feel comfortable, especially among my friends at the FWN.

What was the difference this time? I had been out (a combination of illness and vacation) for nearly three weeks. Not only was I gone from work, but I didn't check email, take voice messages or even think about work during that time. I was "rusty." I had to get back in the groove and get my mind wrapped around work and networking again.

Do you find yourself uncomfortable at networking events? Let me suggest that it may simply be from taking too much time between activities. If you were going to learn the piano, you wouldn't go weeks between practice sessions. Or if you did, you wouldn't be surprised that your next session needed a lot of backtracking and review.

Networking is a skill like any other. Wouldn't it make sense that you would need to be a regular and consistent networker in order to keep your abilities working well, much less improving?

Robin Roberts at the Central California Women's Conference in Fresno

Congratulations to the organizers of the Central California Women's Conference in Fresno for yet another hugely successful event.

Robin Roberts, co-anchor of ABC's Good Morning America, was the keynote speaker. I have to admit that I didn't know who she was because I don't watch network TV news, but her message, of course, appealed to everyone in the audience.

She focused on messages in her book. The one that I found most interesting and useful was her first one: Position yourself to take the shot. More specifically, she says that "Proximity is power."

Networking is all about putting yourself in a position to interact and work with other people in a way that strengthens your reputation and builds relationships. Position yourself to be in a place where you can help other people. Find places to go where it will put you in proximity to the kind of people you can help... and who can help you.

Where can you go that will put you in proximity to people who need you?

Business Owner Asks: How to Connect with Target Market

Rob Johnson, owner and operator of Fitness Together, a personal training business, asked a great question of one of our Clovis Chamber Ambassadors. He's looking for a resource that could help him connect with local Clovis businesses to take part in their Corporate Wellness Program. He said he needs to find businesses that understand, or are open to learning, the importance of how fitness can affect the work place.

Here's how and why networking can help him achieve this goal.

He says he's "looking for businesses that understand or are open to learning the importance of how fitness can affect the work place." That's good because it's specific. It's also good because it describes a company in a way that can be recognized by people within the company and by people who work closely with that company. This is much better than asking your contacts if they know anyone who wants to do business with your company. How can someone know that? But I can be aware if a company has (or wants to have) a culture of encouraging health and fitness in their employees.

The problem is that there is no mailing list for those kinds of companies. There is no publication where he could advertise for that (Okay, there are some related publications and mailing lists that could probably find them...the problem is that there are maybe a few hundred of them in Clovis and maybe more in Fresno, but he'd have to buy much larger lists and spend a lot in advertising to reach those specific people.)

So I believe his best option is to get out there and network. But to do it very, very specifically and deliberately. If I were him, I'd start with a list of my current clients and find out where they work. Then I would ask them if they are encouraged by their company to do this. Try to discover if there is a culture of fitness in the company as a whole. That person who works out with him could be the conduit to the entire company.

Then I would find out if there are any commonalities in the companies that his clients represent. Do they tend to be medical offices? Insurance companies? Small, medium, large? Then seek out those who most closely represent them. You can do this in two ways: cold call (not a bad strategy, but more time consuming and you may burn some bridges on the way) or search your personal network for people who are connected to companies that represent your target market. If there is an industry that is particularly good, search for organizations and groups (such as NAIFA or NAHREP). You have no idea how many of these kinds of groups meet in this area until you start looking for them.

He could also make a wish list of companies that he thinks would be a good target market. Search LinkedIn to find friends of friends. Use your networking activities to ask for connections within those specific companies you want to target. Get ideas from other people on the approaches you might take (for example, HR departments might be a good place to start).

Large generic events such as Clovis Chamber mixers might still be beneficial if you vow to work the room quickly and specifically looking for people who are your target market, asking for referrals or ideas from those who aren't. But the most beneficial networking method is going to be working that telephone and burning the social media midnight oil.

Okay, readers, do you have any more suggestions and advice for our fitness business owner?

Networking Etiquette Question: What should she have done?

My friend Dr. Treva Diana Lee wrote me a note on Facebook that was a bit of a take on "Dear Abby," regarding a networking situation she experienced. Okay Dr. Treva, I think this is a fun game and I will play! I'm also looking for comments from (maybe, if we're lucky) Bob Burg and Tiffany Smith Nielson who is an etiquette expert.

Dr. Treva wrote:

I was at a networking event last week and with what I thought was accepted practice was offering my card while also offering to shake hands. Much to my chagrin, one gentleman declined to shake hands and handed back my card saying he had no need for what I had to offer I was rather taken aback by his rudeness and wondering how do we make the unwritten rules of networking etiquette more widely known?

Signed,
Embarrassed

Dr. Treva, don't be embarrassed. At least not for you. The gentleman in question did not handle the situation very well. In North America, the convention is to shake hands when offered. To refuse without a reason ("I have a cold" or "I've got an injured finger") is not polite. The act of handing back your card is also not very polite.

You didn't do anything wrong, so the best course of action for you was to just ignore his behavior and move on. It was not a good strategy on his part to reject your hand or your card. He may have just severed a potential relationship that could have been beneficial to you both.

Here is one thing that is a personal preference of mine: I generally don't offer my business card on immediately meeting someone. I wait until they ask for it. And, for me, the important thing is not necessarily to have them get my card, but for me to get their card. Who knows what they'll do with my card? But I know what I can do with theirs.

If someone tells me about their service and offers me their card, I will take it. Even if, for example, I met you and I didn't need your services because I have a dentist that I am happy with, I would still take your card because you never know who I know who might need your services. Or maybe I want to stay in touch because of other talents, connections, or interests that you have.

How do we make the tenants of good networking more widely known? Share this blog with other people and subscribe to my weekly newsletter :-)