My Five Secrets to Success with Membership in the Fresno Women’s Network

I have used these five strategies to gain tremendous benefits from my membership in the Fresno Women’s Network.


Longevity

I first joined the network nearly 10 years ago. That’s almost half the lifetime of the FWN. Even if you just joined today, you too can have longevity. Just stick around for the rest of the decade. By 2020, you’ll have been involved for a third of the lifetime of the network.


Consistency

I joined the network and then I stayed a member and showed up on a regular basis. When you’re consistent, you become trusted. People want to do business with people they know, like and trust. They have to see you around to get to know you.


Visibility

I was encouraged to sign up for a committee when I first joined. From the PR committee, I became the first chairwoman of the Website committees. The Fresno Women’s Network has a plethora of committees. By joining a committee you become visible to the entire membership of the network.


Consanguinity

I have a strong affinity and a close connection to the members of the network because we all have something in common. Besides being women, we also all value networking and relationships. That’s what consanguinity means, having a close relationship or connection. Networking is easier with people you already have a connection to.


Hilarity

I can always count on a happy meeting and a good laugh with my friends at the network. For example, during a recent meeting, I posted a picture to Facebook. On my way to the ladies room, another member teased me about Facebooking during the meeting. Wait a minute - there was only one way she would have known that! I still laugh about that one. Sharing laughter and humor brings us closer together. And it gives us strength when we have to share the tears.


Thank you for letting me be part of such a wonderful organization. I wish all of you the same success with the Fresno Women’s Network.


P.S. This also works for any other organization you might be interested in, such as the Clovis Chamber of Commerce.

You're on my Team ... and You Don't Even Know It

At risk of sounding hopelessly uncool by using ancient slang: I wouldn't be where I am without my "peeps." You know... my people. The excellent friends, contacts, and business partners who help me get stuff done.

The experts tell you "have a team" and "build your system by outsourcing." I used to think I had do it all myself because I couldn't afford to pay someone to do things. And that I should be able to do it on my own.

I know better now. I have an extensive team of people who help me get things done, maintain things, and learn stuff.

Funny part is that many of them don't know that I consider them to be part of my "team." And they are people you might not normally think would be part of a business person's team. But anyone who uses their expertise to provide a service that I need regularly, and who does it in a way that saves me time, effort or even money... they are part of my team.

The people I work with at the Clovis Chamber (of course), the Ambassadors Committee (of course), and my husband (of course). But also on my team? Sophia, who cuts my hair. Jill Hendrickson, who is my book coach. Siran, who runs Orphan Annies. And my new best friends forever? The ladies at Sunny Chinese Massage at First and Bullard (ahhh, good-bye stiff neck).

I think it's important to think of people who help you and provide services as "being on your team." It reminds you of how interconnected we all are. And you'll treat people in a way that is different in a really positive way that they might not be able to put their finger on, but they'll appreciate.

Are you secretly on my team? If I treat you good, you probably are!

Thanks Team.

Every Day is Today ... Resolution Day, That Is

On New Years Day, there are two kinds of people: those who make resolutions and those who don't. Is this a form of the continuing battle between optimists and pessimists? Is is a triumph of hope over experience? Or are the people who make resolutions just doing what I do almost every day?

Although I don't make resolutions, New Years Day is still a favorite holiday of mine. There's a sense of renewal, a feeling of refreshment, and a chance to begin anew. If I feel that way about it, why don't I make resolutions? Because I try to resolve every day.

They're not "resolutions" to me. They are goals and principals; strategies and plans. I don't make new ones every day - you can't pile that many on. Those that I do make, I review almost every single day.

But I still really enjoy the feeling of New Years Day. I try to soak it up so I can wring out a bit of this feeling all year long. Here's to a great 2010!

How about you? Optimist or pessimist? Resolutions or not?

I Got a "Hit and Run" Thank You-ing

I got a thank you call at the office this afternoon from a woman who is part of the Central Valley Professionals Job Club. It felt like a friendly "hit and run" because she identified herself, thanked me, told me how encouraged she was by me and then she was done. The whole thing took maybe two minutes. Out of the blue. How nice was that.

I speak at CVP once a month to encourage the job seekers to get themselves out there and network. Since it's a discouraging time to be unemployed, I try to be as energetic as possible. I'm also not afraid to be a little silly and make them laugh. And of course, I try to give them the mostly usefully helpful information possible while encouraging them as much as I can.

Sometimes even I feel a little disheartened at seeing some of the same faces each month. I like seeing them, just not in this context.

So the phone call was validation and a little return on investment. She told me that she appreciated my encouragement. It helped her keep going. She just knew that she would be finding a job soon.

I know she will, too, with that attitude.

Would you PLEASE Join Toastmasters (before I listen to another one of your teleseminars)

I enjoy listening to free, archived online teleseminars. Especially while I'm doing repetitive database work. I'll do a search for whatever topic I'm interested in, plus the words free and teleseminars.

There are a lot of them out there. I recommend you do the same so you can take advantage of these great opportunities to learn. Why are there so many out there? They are a powerful way for speakers, coaches, and authors to promote themselves, their services, and their books.

Except when they can't speak.

I've listed to some where the presenter peppers their information with uh, um, you know, and, uhhhhh. But I haven't listed for long. The greatest, most useful, and helpful information in the world is not going to be useful to anyone if the message is not delivered well.

Please, please get some objective feedback from a trained evaluator. Your nearest Toastmasters club will be happy to provide one.

If your speech is studded throughout with those conversation stoppers, please, please join Toastmasters. And then I promise to listen to all your teleseminars.

How I Become Uncomfortable with my Networking

I attended the Fresno Women's Network meeting this Tuesday, as I do nearly every month. Much to my surprise, I felt a little bit awkward. It was an uncomfortable feeling and it seemed like I was having to work harder than usual. This isn't normal for me. I network frequently and feel comfortable, especially among my friends at the FWN.

What was the difference this time? I had been out (a combination of illness and vacation) for nearly three weeks. Not only was I gone from work, but I didn't check email, take voice messages or even think about work during that time. I was "rusty." I had to get back in the groove and get my mind wrapped around work and networking again.

Do you find yourself uncomfortable at networking events? Let me suggest that it may simply be from taking too much time between activities. If you were going to learn the piano, you wouldn't go weeks between practice sessions. Or if you did, you wouldn't be surprised that your next session needed a lot of backtracking and review.

Networking is a skill like any other. Wouldn't it make sense that you would need to be a regular and consistent networker in order to keep your abilities working well, much less improving?

Robin Roberts at the Central California Women's Conference in Fresno

Congratulations to the organizers of the Central California Women's Conference in Fresno for yet another hugely successful event.

Robin Roberts, co-anchor of ABC's Good Morning America, was the keynote speaker. I have to admit that I didn't know who she was because I don't watch network TV news, but her message, of course, appealed to everyone in the audience.

She focused on messages in her book. The one that I found most interesting and useful was her first one: Position yourself to take the shot. More specifically, she says that "Proximity is power."

Networking is all about putting yourself in a position to interact and work with other people in a way that strengthens your reputation and builds relationships. Position yourself to be in a place where you can help other people. Find places to go where it will put you in proximity to the kind of people you can help... and who can help you.

Where can you go that will put you in proximity to people who need you?

Business Owner Asks: How to Connect with Target Market

Rob Johnson, owner and operator of Fitness Together, a personal training business, asked a great question of one of our Clovis Chamber Ambassadors. He's looking for a resource that could help him connect with local Clovis businesses to take part in their Corporate Wellness Program. He said he needs to find businesses that understand, or are open to learning, the importance of how fitness can affect the work place.

Here's how and why networking can help him achieve this goal.

He says he's "looking for businesses that understand or are open to learning the importance of how fitness can affect the work place." That's good because it's specific. It's also good because it describes a company in a way that can be recognized by people within the company and by people who work closely with that company. This is much better than asking your contacts if they know anyone who wants to do business with your company. How can someone know that? But I can be aware if a company has (or wants to have) a culture of encouraging health and fitness in their employees.

The problem is that there is no mailing list for those kinds of companies. There is no publication where he could advertise for that (Okay, there are some related publications and mailing lists that could probably find them...the problem is that there are maybe a few hundred of them in Clovis and maybe more in Fresno, but he'd have to buy much larger lists and spend a lot in advertising to reach those specific people.)

So I believe his best option is to get out there and network. But to do it very, very specifically and deliberately. If I were him, I'd start with a list of my current clients and find out where they work. Then I would ask them if they are encouraged by their company to do this. Try to discover if there is a culture of fitness in the company as a whole. That person who works out with him could be the conduit to the entire company.

Then I would find out if there are any commonalities in the companies that his clients represent. Do they tend to be medical offices? Insurance companies? Small, medium, large? Then seek out those who most closely represent them. You can do this in two ways: cold call (not a bad strategy, but more time consuming and you may burn some bridges on the way) or search your personal network for people who are connected to companies that represent your target market. If there is an industry that is particularly good, search for organizations and groups (such as NAIFA or NAHREP). You have no idea how many of these kinds of groups meet in this area until you start looking for them.

He could also make a wish list of companies that he thinks would be a good target market. Search LinkedIn to find friends of friends. Use your networking activities to ask for connections within those specific companies you want to target. Get ideas from other people on the approaches you might take (for example, HR departments might be a good place to start).

Large generic events such as Clovis Chamber mixers might still be beneficial if you vow to work the room quickly and specifically looking for people who are your target market, asking for referrals or ideas from those who aren't. But the most beneficial networking method is going to be working that telephone and burning the social media midnight oil.

Okay, readers, do you have any more suggestions and advice for our fitness business owner?

Networking Etiquette Question: What should she have done?

My friend Dr. Treva Diana Lee wrote me a note on Facebook that was a bit of a take on "Dear Abby," regarding a networking situation she experienced. Okay Dr. Treva, I think this is a fun game and I will play! I'm also looking for comments from (maybe, if we're lucky) Bob Burg and Tiffany Smith Nielson who is an etiquette expert.

Dr. Treva wrote:

I was at a networking event last week and with what I thought was accepted practice was offering my card while also offering to shake hands. Much to my chagrin, one gentleman declined to shake hands and handed back my card saying he had no need for what I had to offer I was rather taken aback by his rudeness and wondering how do we make the unwritten rules of networking etiquette more widely known?

Signed,
Embarrassed

Dr. Treva, don't be embarrassed. At least not for you. The gentleman in question did not handle the situation very well. In North America, the convention is to shake hands when offered. To refuse without a reason ("I have a cold" or "I've got an injured finger") is not polite. The act of handing back your card is also not very polite.

You didn't do anything wrong, so the best course of action for you was to just ignore his behavior and move on. It was not a good strategy on his part to reject your hand or your card. He may have just severed a potential relationship that could have been beneficial to you both.

Here is one thing that is a personal preference of mine: I generally don't offer my business card on immediately meeting someone. I wait until they ask for it. And, for me, the important thing is not necessarily to have them get my card, but for me to get their card. Who knows what they'll do with my card? But I know what I can do with theirs.

If someone tells me about their service and offers me their card, I will take it. Even if, for example, I met you and I didn't need your services because I have a dentist that I am happy with, I would still take your card because you never know who I know who might need your services. Or maybe I want to stay in touch because of other talents, connections, or interests that you have.

How do we make the tenants of good networking more widely known? Share this blog with other people and subscribe to my weekly newsletter :-)

How to Escape Conversations at Networking Events

The implication in the title is that it is a conversation that we want to get away from. Usually it's when we are pinned down by someone's who has gone straight to the sales pitch. Once in a while it's when the conversation has turned to a topic that's uncomfortable to us.

Most if us are very polite and will not interrupt the other person. Most of us think that we're supposed to listen to whatever the other person has to say. Most of us think we shouldn't take control of the conversation's direction.

Most of us are willing to give away our profits.

What?! Give away our profits? No, of course we don't want to give away our profits. But when you let someone ramble on about their product or service, when you don't step far enough out of your comfort zone to direct the conversation, and when you don't focus on your purpose for attending a networking event, then you are giving away your profits.

You need to find two-way connections. People that can help you and whom you can help. Your time is best spent in building mutually beneficial relationships.

Most of the conversation that takes place at networking events is fishing. People are randomly casting out their bait, hoping for a bite. Ever watch someone fish? It's very slow and time consuming.

You don't have time to go fishing. You need to be specific about what you want to accomplish. Spending time listening to other people "fish" is not going to make you money, or find the contacts you need to grow your business.

So ... does the thought that you are losing out on opportunities, missing vital contacts, and letting someone else "fish" on your time make it a little easier for you to be willing to interrupt someone and take control of the conversation in a way that will benefit you both?

I Met Three Amazing Women in 24 Hours

I've learned a couple things this week. First, having five meetings in a day pretty much precludes you from getting anything else done. Second, I am privileged to know some incredible women. I wanted you to know just a little bit about these wonderful people whom I had the chance to spend time with in such a short period this week.

Friend and former Clovis Chamber member Tracy Barnes came in to rejoin with her business, Premier Bride. She and business partner Kristy Montgomery started with the magazine Premier Bride, added a bridal show, a second city version of the Premier Bride magazine, a third and original magazine called "His" and now they are opening the Premier Bridge Wedding Center. They have sold His Magazine to a local entrepreneur, but they still run all the other businesses with just two people.

In addition to this budding empire, Tracy has two children, one is just barely two. She is also very creative and has had to slow herself down with all the ideas that she's had for expanding their business. One thing at a time, Tracy! I don't know how Tracy and Kristy do all of this, but now that they are back in the Chamber, I'll be studying their techniques.

The next morning, I had a phone conversation with Lisa Marie Platske, who very graciously gave me her time even though we've only met in person once (although we've maintained contact via email). She gave me great advice, based on her personal experience, but she said one thing in particular that is going to stick with me:

It's not about starting big,
it's about just starting and having a big plan.

Isn't it obvious that someone who wrote a book called "Designing your Destiny" would think like this?

And finally, I met with Jill Hendrickson, who is also an author. We "met" on Twitter, then she attended the Prosperity Forum last week. Jill has traveled extensively and we both have a great passion for the food and culture of Japan, where she lived and worked for 10 years. She also spent a great deal of time traveling and living in Italy, which was the inspiration for her book "Lose Weight, Italian Style!" Jill has an extensive journalism background, so she felt very comfortable with the writing. Now, it's time for her to step out of her comfort zone and do the marketing and networking. Can it be "out of your comfort zone" if you seem to be so comfortable with it? It seems to me that Jill will be learning this new skill very quickly.

I've just started reading the book, but I really appreciate her perspective in just this little bit. It is definitely less a "diet" book and much more about a luxurious culinary lifestyle.


I hope all of you will take the time to learn more about the businesses of these incredible women. Perhaps you'll be fortunate and meet them some day.

What is a Networked Cold-Call? And How do We Handle It?

A “networked cold-call” is a promotional message, sales pitch or invitation that comes through networking channels.

It’s like getting a direct marketing piece in the mail except that a networked cold-call is much more awkward to deal with if you’re not interested. Got a direct mail pitch? Not interested in the product or service? Just toss the catalog, letter, or postcard in the mail and no one is the wiser.

Even a cold-call that comes over the phone seems to be easier to deal with. Either you’re interested or not, but no one has any kind of emotional investment in the conversation. You tell them “No, thank you” and then you end the call. Unless you are someone who takes telemarketing calls personally.

Photo courtesy of VLima.com from Flickr

And that’s what I think makes “networked cold-calling” so uncomfortable. It’s delivered personally, either face-to-face at a networking event or through messaging channels on the social media sites. And it’s probably someone you don’t really know, but they know someone you know or you’ve met them at a networking event and exchanged a few words. So now it feels personal in that there's no separation. If you're not interested, it feels like you are rejecting them. Most people don't like to do that in person.

What do you say? How do you respond? Do you respond when it comes through the social media channels? I’m no expert, I’ve certainly made a few blunders in this area, but here are a few thoughts on handling it:

• You can ignore sales pitches that come via DM in Twitter. It’s probably an autoresponder and there’s no one real on the other end. They are throwing tons of spaghetti to see what sticks.
  
  
• I’m experiencing less message selling on Facebook, except for event invitations that come through the groups I’ve joined. I signed up for the groups because I wanted to know what’s going on, but if you don’t like the messages, just drop out of the group. And if someone is a relentless promoter, you can hide all their messages.
  
  
• LinkedIn seems to be a challenge but I think you should take these messages seriously, especially if they are personalized. Respond as graciously as you can, but make sure you respect the salesperson’s time by making it clear that you are not interested.
  
  
• Face to face at a networking event. This is the hardest one of all. There is a range of techniques, from passive aggressive (agree the whole time but don’t do anything) to passive (just blank stare) to educational (invite them to participate in a Little Miracles PAK).

I’m interested in your thoughts, of course and I’ll have another post later this week going into more detail on handling face to face “networked cold calling.” (If you don’t want to miss the post, sign up for Google Reader and subscribe to my RSS feed.)

Why Do We Feel Compelled to Change the Name?

Has networking been so ruined, so misused, and so misapplied that we've got to change the name? Or is it just marketing? Why do experienced, well-known writers, bloggers and speakers need to find euphemisms for networking? It's called "connecting" or "networlding" or other names. Sometimes there is simply a refusal to call networking by its name.

I find it funny because selling and sales and salespeople also have a bad reputation, but I don't see the same tendency to try to rename or reframe the activity. Am I missing some metaphors for sales and selling? I'm curious if you can think of one ...

Are We Obligated to Meet Everyone?

I recently encountered the opinion that we should be willing to meet with anyone who asks for a meeting, because we never know what kind of opportunities will open up.

At first, I thought "maybe". I could see where you could want to be open to anyone who approaches you. As an avid networker, I really shouldn't turn down any opportunities.

Then I came to my senses.

We all have a lot of demands on our time. While we can be open to serendipitous meetings, we can't allow others to dictate how we choose to spend it. If I met with everyone who wanted to meet with me to tell me about their product or business opportunity, I would have a full time job listening to them. Some day I'll tell you about Jay Petersen's diabolical plan to address those who want to pitch him.

There are obligations we must meet, including our employers' expectations, the needs of our families, and a little bit of sleep. We've got to have priorities that also include those people we have already established relationships with and those who are our targeted markets.

Can you expect to demand someone's time and be disappointed or upset when they don't oblige you? Good networking skills require us to make an investment in the other person first, before we can ask for something from them. Thinking that our need for their time indebts them to us is akin to taking a negative response to a cold-call personally.

If you want someone's time, you've got to make sure there is value in it for them, not just for yourself. That is a fundamental rule of networking. Give first before you ask for something as precious, fleeting, and irreplaceable as their time.

Survey: Networking is Top Tool for Job Seekers

It's not surprising to me that networking is considered to be an effective job seeking strategy. But a survey released today says that human resource professionals consider it to be the most effective of any strategies. The survey, conducted by an outplacement firm, asked the HR executives to rate a number of job search strategies on a scale of 1 to 5 (one is least effective, five is most). On average, they scored networking at a four. Sending out resumes, the "tried and true" method, scored less than true. And, justification for you Twitter addicts: social networking ranked second highest.

Guess what, job seekers? Send less time sending nearly anonymous resumes and spend more time meeting new people and more time exploring the connections of your best contacts. And use the internet social media sites to enhance your in-person efforts.

While it's a bit of a stretch to apply this to small business owners (especially those in multi-level or direct marketing companies), I'm going to make a connection anyway.

Sending out resumes is like sending out direct mail pieces. You might have researched your targets, narrowing down a certain segment or conducting research that indicates they might be a good prospect, but it's still an impersonal effort.

Job fairs (which ranked the worst) are like cold-calling. You and 50 other people are trying to get the attention of just a few employers or potential buyers. Cold-calling requires thick skin and a willingness to put in a lot of work to make the numbers add up.

Networking on the other hand, means that your efforts are extremely targeted. Someone is recommending you, vouching for you. You're not a faceless resume or cold-call. You're someone's referral or a friend of a friend who can be trusted.

And just like job searching, it's important that networking is not your only job search or business promotion activity. Treat it as your flagship effort, but back it up with other activities so that you don't depend on one facet of a job search or business promotion effort.

For the full article, visit
http://www.centralvalleybusinesstimes.com/stories/001/?ID=12816

You Have to Want the Results Badly Enough

We've been talking about motivating ourselves to network. It's hard these days to make ourselves do one more thing, even if we know it's something good for us. It's even harder if we're not a huge fan of networking. Now, if you hate networking, that's another issue and you've got a harder task. Let's assume that you are okay with networking, but you don't love it just for the sake of doing it. So if you're not extra-enthusiastic, how do you motivate yourself to network?

You don't have to love the process, you just have to love, want, and need the results.

Who likes to diet? But we all love fitting into a smaller size and feeling healthier.

Lots of people don't really enjoy getting sweaty and out-of-breath from exercise, but they do enjoy getting stronger, improving their quality of life and maybe fitting into that pair of pants in the back of the closet.

Maybe you don't really want to get up and go to work every day, but you strongly desire the result of having money to pay for a place to live and food for your children.

Again, if you hate work, or networking, or exercising, it's going to be less fun and harder to motivate yourself. But if you want the positive results badly enough, you'll do it. And it could eventually make the path to getting there a lot less unpleasant. Who knows, you might even enjoy the process some day.

Wisdom from Jay Petersen, Head Geek in Charge

I had the excellent experience of spending a little one-on-one time with Jay this afternoon. If you don't know Jay, check out his company website here and make sure to check out the blog which is full of helpful computer maintenance and prevention tips.

As always, it was a free-ranging conversation covering many topics, but we always have to include a little bit of networking analysis. We were talking about people who treat networking as if it were cold-calling. You know the approach. The moment you're introduced, they start giving you a presentation about their product. Next thing you know, you've been invited to an event, a demo, or given a link to a site with a "short video."

This is usually the result of over eagerness, pressure from above, or a misunderstanding of networking that leads them to think that networking is about selling. You can't blame someone for not having the experience to realize that pitching someone on the first meeting is probably going to close a future door. And rarely does anyone clue them in on their approach. It's a trap that even experienced networkers fall into occasionally. We find a sympathetic or even interested-seeming ear and we go into sales mode.

And yet we get annoyed or self-righteous when our overture is rejected? Here's the wise observation from Mr. Jay:

If you use an impersonal approach in networking, you can't take their response (positive or negative) personally.

So if you cold-call, or give a sales pitch on the first meeting, you cannot take it personally if you don't get the response you want. You didn't make it person-to-person or face-to-face or friend-to-friend. You made it an impersonal sales presentation because you didn't bother to get to know about their needs or wants. You just presented to a warm body who stood still long enough to listen. If they treat you like a telemarketer who called during dinner, you can't blame them.

Jay and I have a mutual friend, Dale Bierce who represents Sandler Sales Training in the Central Valley of California. Dale is a tremendous source of sales wisdom. He teaches us that we have to become emotionally tough in selling. You're just in a role and that you have to work on this aspect of your attitude if you are going to be successful in sales. If you're going to treat your networking as if it were a sales forum, then you must learn this lesson.

I prefer to make it personal first by getting to know people. Of course, you still can't take success or rejection personally, but that's a topic for another day.

More on Motivating Yourself to Network

In thinking more about yesterday's post on motivating yourself, I have a couple more thoughts.

If you're still having a hard time getting yourself to go to a networking event or participating in any kind of deliberate network building activities, you've got to find more compelling reasons to do the work.

• Make a list of every possible benefit. Sit down with a pen and paper and write down every possible benefit, advantage, and prospect you would want to gain from participating in networking. Get detailed. Get imaginative. They may or may not be realistic, but they might be possible.

For example, networking might help you:

• Get a new client
• Build your reputation
• Find an amazing dentist/chiropractor/printer/drycleaner, etc.
• Remind someone to send you a referral
• Make you a new friend
• Find an old friend
• Give someone help that saves them a lot of trouble
• Impress your boss with something you learn
• Meet the love of your life
• Help you find a home for the stray cat who showed up on your porch
• Find a luncheon group who wants you as a speaker

Except for meeting the love of my life (which I managed on my own, thank you), networking has accomplished all of these things for me and more. But I do know of a couple who has been married 20 years after meeting at a Clovis Chamber event. So they are all possible.

Are any of these appealing to you? Would any of these results be beneficial? Would they be worth the investment of an hour or two? Would accomplishing one of these make you find just a little bit of time and energy?

Getting Motivated to Network

I promised my newsletter subscribers that I would start talking about the challenges that they face in networking enough to achieve their goals.

One challenge that I've seen in several different forms is being motivated to network or having the desire to attend events.

This is a tough one because if you don't want to go, you will find many excellent and legitimate reasons to avoid networking events. There is so much to do, we're so busy doing so many things, that you could fill every hour with important work which will keep you away from networking.

You are not going to be successful at networking unless you want to do it. And yet you know networking is important to business success, so you sort of want to, but you just can't get motivated enough to quite make it to an event.

My friend Dr. IWannaWanna says it's not enough to "want to" do something, but you have to "want to, want to." I take it as meaning that we all "want to" do stuff like be successful, have a lot of money, etc. but that's not enough. We have to "want to" take some actual action to make these things happen. Dr. IWannaWanna has a very good point. What's funny is that one of the things he doesn't wanna do is network! And I don't think I could talk circles around him fast enough to convince him.

But I don't have to convince him. I don't even have to convince you. You have to do it. So how do you make yourself want to network? I have several methods of convincing myself to do things:

• Get to the root reason why. Networking for the sake of networking isn't going to be very inspiring unless you already love it. Networking because your boss told you to isn't going to make you like it either. But, do you networking because you want to grow your business, because you have a young family you want to support? Providing for your children is a compelling reason.
• Trick yourself. This is how I get in a lot of exercise. I tell myself, "just five minutes and then you can quit." By that time I've gotten warmed up and feel like doing a little more. Tell yourself, "I'll just talk to one person and then I'll leave." Next thing you know, they're cleaning up around you.
• Reward yourself. Allow yourself to stop at and see your favorite barista if you go. Let yourself come to work 30 minutes late because you networked late. Treat yourself in some way for putting in the effort.
• Team up with a friend. Your friend will be counting on you to meet them there. And, if your friend is shy or introverted, you'll be helping them out by being there to introduce them to people. Having someone else involved keeps you accountable.
• Have a specific goal or reason. Just going for the sake of attending isn't going to be as appealing as "looking for a new supplier" or "finding out who's renting the new commercial space."
  
• Get results and keep track of them. Nothing is more motivating than when you start to see the fruits of your labors. And, keep track of your results because its easy to forget them when the days get long and the memory of the great connections gets pushed aside by your busy days.

Is this helpful? Do you have a truly compelling reason to network? Do you have a plan? Are you bringing in outside resources to help yourself?

Tell me about your tricks and what works for you.

Learning from Brian Clark's Authority Rules

I downloaded a copy of Brian Clark's free ebook Authority Rules (found out about it from Twitter, of course). Very interesting and definitely worth the little bit of reading time it will take to work through this pithy and to-the-point report. It's written in the style of Seth Godin; i.e., it's short but if you work through everything in it, you've got a lot of studying and work to do.

But I had to laugh, because an experience I had today clearly illustrated one of Brian's key points. On page 7 he says

What other people say about you is more important than what you say about yourself.

Tomorrow, the Clovis Chamber Seminar Series will be a hands-on session to set up Twitter accounts for our members. We sent an email out to our members reminding them of the event. One of the emails we got back was from someone who definitely does their homework.

I was listed as the presenter. He went to Twitter and did a search on my name. But all the results he got for "Beth Bridges" were for people who had fewer than 11 followers. I'm thinking he was pretty perplexed at this point wondering why the Chamber seminar was being run by someone who either he couldn't find on Twitter or who had only a few followers.

He sent an email to our Communications Director pointing this out. Of course, she sent the email to me. I thought it was funny, but I appreciated his diligence in wanting to know whether or not I had the authority to be presenting the seminar.

Here's where this blog ties in with Brian Clark's report and the specific quote written above. Instead of sending an email back to the inquirer protesting that I was indeed someone with a decent amount of followers, I asked my friends to reassure the gentleman that, indeed, I did know a few things about Twitter and that I was qualified to teach the seminar. Definitely an attempt (successful, I think) to assure him of my authority by asking other people to confirm it, not just me saying it.

It all worked out very well because one friend pointed out the fallability of Twitter's search function and I admitted that I had made an error in my profile which made it harder for a search to find me. And, my new friend is going to help out with the seminar tomorrow, too.

Several Random Thoughts & Experiences

Just a few unrelated thoughts and topics.

A Phenomenon that I'm Curious About

Over the last several weeks I've spoken to three different Rotary Clubs. Whenever (and wherever) I speak, I always ask audience members to fill out a very quick and simple three-question survey. I always ask the same way, "Please take just a minute. It's completely anonymous and helps me learn more about networking and improve my presentations."

When I speak to the Central Valley Professionals job club, every person fills it out. When I spoke to real estate agents at Newton & Sons in Dinuba and London Properties in Clovis, every one of them fill it out. But for the Rotary Clubs, fewer than 20% fill out the form.

I truly wonder why? Is there a better way to present it to them? Any ideas for how I can get a better response?

Rediscovering Old Friends

You never know when you're going to run into someone. At London Properties this morning, I started my presentation and finally realized why the gentleman sitting in the front looked so familiar. I had worked for him nearly 20 years ago in my first job out of college. It was an excellent learning experience and I admired the business that he and his partner had built. We caught up just briefly and I'm glad to learn that he's got a great life. And, I realized who he reminds me of (or who reminds me of him); Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall and NewsRadio.

Losing Old Friends

On a sad note. This weekend, long-term active Chamber member Jim Wilson of J&E Business Services passed away unexpectedly. Jim had this gravelly voice that sounded - if you didn't know him - as if he was angry. But he was one of the most even-tempered, straight-forward, no-nonsense people I knew. He was very tall and would stand close and talk right down to me, which I found intimidating until I met his wife. She's shorter than I am, so he must have been used to talking with her! Jim had a guant, Clint Eastwood look until he smiled with a surprisingly boyish grin.

We'll sure miss you Jim.

What I REALLY Said to "Mr. Bad Networker"

A couple weeks ago, I wrote "Do They Really Think This is Networking?" It was prompted by a message I received on LinkedIn. The imaginary response I wrote in the post was some venting because I receive a lot of these kinds of invitations. But it was also important to make the point that we have to think about the way our invitations are perceived.

I would never actually respond that way to anyone. Of course, if "Mr. Bad Networker" read this blog, then they would probably take it personally. I'd be sorry if that was the case, because it wouldn't be intended that way. And as I told all of you in this follow-up post, I had completely forgotten the source of the email and couldn't even find the original message. Some of you are a little less tender-minded; you said to send what I wrote in the blog!

Either way, I couldn't ignore it. The message was too good a learning opportunity to pass up so I posted it. I got excellent feedback on the points I had made, including a positive comment by Bob Burg, author of Endless Referrals (I checked on Twitter, it is the Bob Burg).

Guess what... I found the original message. And, I had sent them a reply!

Want to know what I really said to Mr Bad Networker's invitation? Here it is.

Hi ****,

Thank you very much for your offer.

I guess we haven't met before? I thought we knew each other from ****.

Are you meeting a lot of people to discuss **** (I'm familiar with the company/product)?

Is LinkedIn working well for you as a marketing tool? I'm really into the Social Networking thing and always curious how other people are using it.

Thanks,
Beth

I think it's an good response. Not committing to anything, but not shutting the door at all. I'm asking them to engage in more dialog. I'm asking questions about our history together. And I'm providing them with a link to what we might have in common.

As far as I can tell, I did not get a response to this message. Perhaps it went awry? Or did they not get the response they wanted? I'm definitely willing to give them the benefit of the doubt ... but then there's more to this story, of course, which I may or may not reveal.

In the meantime, I'm very interested in your opinion of my original response. Was it a good way to handle this kind of request?

Is the Space Time Continuum Affecting Your Networking?

I used to think that the reason I'd see so many networking friends wherever I went was because I spent too much time networking. Or because Fresno and Clovis are part of a small world. But now I think it has more to do with the space time continuum. Specifically with the effects of massive objects on the space time continuum, which is where gravity comes from.

Illustration from Flickr by Rodrigo Senna

Since the math is incredibly complicated, the History Channel usually uses a sheet of rubber, a bowling ball, and a ping pong ball to explain how a large object (the bowling ball) distorts the fabric of space time (the rubber sheet). Then the smaller object (the ping pong ball) is introduced. If it's sent toward the bowling ball on an angle, it will orbit around until it runs out of energy and is irresistibly drawn into the bowling ball. Here's the video clip.

We (individuals) are the lighter objects. Our favorite groups (yes, even the Chamber) are like the larger objects. Their massive size has a greater effect on the fabric of space time (i.e. the community we are in). We're drawn in, where we meet many of the same people who are in the area and are attracted by the same gravity that affected us.

So networking outside of our regular groups is like fighting the forces of gravity. It takes extra effort to move further away from the massive objects that have a strong attraction. Look how much energy it takes to launch a space craft out of the Earth's gravity well.

Okay, maybe the analogy isn't perfect. But the next time your favorite networking adviser nags you to go somewhere different and get out of your comfort zone, you can blame it on the space time continuum. Who can fight that?

P.S. It's also a great excuse for being late. "Hey, space and time are the same thing, so really I've been here all along."

A Networking Fairy Tale Featuring Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty opened a new business selling walls. He found a retail space, spent a lot of money on inventory, and then threw the doors open one nice spring day.

Nobody came. He sat in the store and waited. Business was slow. He asked his neighbor, Miss Muffet if it was a bad neighborhood, but she didn't know because she had agoraphobia and never went outside. He asked his other neighbor, Jack Sprat (a physical trainer) what he should do. "Advertise," said Jack. But Humpty didn't have any money left.

Little Boy Blue told him to cold call, but Humpty didn't know how to craft a good message. The Old Lady who lived in the shoe down the street suggested direct mail, but Humpty didn't know where to get a list. Mary, Mary, the contrarian, told him to find a new target market, but Humpty didn't even know who was in his old target market.

Finally, one of the king's men told him about a networking event down at the castle that was being sponsored by the local Chamber of Commerce. Humpty hemmed and hawed, but finally decided that at the very least, he'd get something to eat and he could leave if it wasn't any good.

Humpty Dumpty had a great time! He met a marketing expert who could help him find low-cost advertising. He was introduced to a sales specialist who told him where to find cold-calling scripts. He found out that the Chamber had a seminar on direct mailing strategies. The Chamber Membership Director suggested some good books on guerilla marketing and then invited him to become a member.

Humpty joined the Chamber and all summer long he enjoyed excellent networking events, learned a great deal about running a small business, and saved money through the Chamber advertising discounts. He told all his friends that they should join the Chamber, too, and together they developed terrific, long-term mutally beneficial relationships with everyone in town.

And as September, October and November rolled by, Humpty counted up the profits and realized he'd had a great fall!

My Real Response to the Bad Networker on LinkedIn

I can't find the sender of the message on LinkedIn that prompted this post.

I'll keep looking though, because the consensus seems to be that it would be very important to respond to the person. Not in the way that I wrote in the first post. That was a little bit of self-indulgent venting. But in a way that is helpful, positive and encouraging. Otherwise, how will that person ever grow and become more successful if no one lets them know what they're doing isn't being well-received?

But what to say?!

I'm eagerly awaiting a column by my friend Tiffany Nielsen of Premier Etiquette that will be published in tomorrow's Business Street Online. But here's my first draft of my serious, respectful, and (hopefully) helpful reply:

Thank you for your message. I appreciate that you feel I could be very helpful to you in building your business. I'm also flattered that you believe I have influence with my contacts. I've worked long and hard to build relationships and develop trust with the people I know.

I believe that a strong network is vital to business success and that good business people deal with each other in a straightforward and honest way. Therefore, I have to let you know that your approach, while sounding like good networking on the surface, didn't have the effect that you may have hoped for.

In networking, or even in plain old selling, there needs to be a benefit for both parties. I understand the benefit for you if we got together and I provided you with leads, but I have to ask where the benefit is for me? There is very little motivation on my part to make this appointment.

And I hope you understand that from my perspective, there is a great deal of risk on my part since I don't know you and aren't familiar with your product. It's nothing personal - how could it be since we've never met? - but I would be making recommendations to my friends based on one meeting designed to help you, without addressing any of my needs.

That's it so far. What do you think?

And how do I wrap it up? Have a meeting anyway? Invite them to a Chamber event? Find some way to learn more about them without a meeting?

All ideas and suggestions will be taken seriously.