My Real Response to the Bad Networker on LinkedIn

I can't find the sender of the message on LinkedIn that prompted this post.

I'll keep looking though, because the consensus seems to be that it would be very important to respond to the person. Not in the way that I wrote in the first post. That was a little bit of self-indulgent venting. But in a way that is helpful, positive and encouraging. Otherwise, how will that person ever grow and become more successful if no one lets them know what they're doing isn't being well-received?

But what to say?!

I'm eagerly awaiting a column by my friend Tiffany Nielsen of Premier Etiquette that will be published in tomorrow's Business Street Online. But here's my first draft of my serious, respectful, and (hopefully) helpful reply:

Thank you for your message. I appreciate that you feel I could be very helpful to you in building your business. I'm also flattered that you believe I have influence with my contacts. I've worked long and hard to build relationships and develop trust with the people I know.

I believe that a strong network is vital to business success and that good business people deal with each other in a straightforward and honest way. Therefore, I have to let you know that your approach, while sounding like good networking on the surface, didn't have the effect that you may have hoped for.

In networking, or even in plain old selling, there needs to be a benefit for both parties. I understand the benefit for you if we got together and I provided you with leads, but I have to ask where the benefit is for me? There is very little motivation on my part to make this appointment.

And I hope you understand that from my perspective, there is a great deal of risk on my part since I don't know you and aren't familiar with your product. It's nothing personal - how could it be since we've never met? - but I would be making recommendations to my friends based on one meeting designed to help you, without addressing any of my needs.

That's it so far. What do you think?

And how do I wrap it up? Have a meeting anyway? Invite them to a Chamber event? Find some way to learn more about them without a meeting?

All ideas and suggestions will be taken seriously.

Do They Really Think This is Networking?

The LinkedIn invitation came with the standard header: Invitation to Connect. I didn't recognize the name, but I opened the invite out of curiosity. Here's the entire text of the message:

I know you know a lot of people that have been impacted by the economy and are keeping their options open to making some extra money part time. I would enjoy the opportunity to introduce myself and share with you what I am doing to see if it is a good fit for anyone you know!

I didn't respond. But if I was going to, here's what I would say to Mr. Bad Networker:

Yes, I do know a lot of people because I've worked hard at getting to know them, earning their trust, and building a relationship with them. I'm not ready to throw that all away for your benefit. You didn't even pretend to be interested in helping me.

And of course you would enjoy the opportunity to introduce yourself, but what about me? Would I enjoy being used as your sales tool? Do you really think I value my relationships so little that I'm seriously going to introduce you to them?

I have some credibility to maintain so I can't imagine myself listening to your sales pitch and then giving you contact information for my network. How would I introduce you? I would have to say, "Hey Bob, I just met this person. They have no interest in me personally but they would very much like to make money off of you. How about giving them your time? And bring your Rolodex, I'm sure they'll want to be introduced to your friends."

If you want to sell to people rather than engage in real networking, knock yourself out ... but don't involve me.

What would you say to them?

Oh, I still have the message. I'm too nice to send this message. Or am I, ha ha.

One Last Networking Lesson from MJ

Jackie Collins was the guest on the Dennis Miller show earlier this week. Of course, the conversation turned toward Michael Jackson. Dennis asked Jackie if she was friends with Michael. She said they didn't see each other more than a few times, but she very clearly remembered the first time they met.

Jackie was attending a big Hollywood party, full of major stars, at a very large mansion. While she mixed and mingled, the hostess approached her and asked for a favor.

Apparently Michael Jackson has arrived, but was out front with a full-blown case of shyness. The hostess thought that Jackie would be able to talk him into coming into the party. Jackie went out and Michael was outside, nervous and worried about meeting people like Sean Connery. "What would I say to them? What would they think of me?" he told her.

Jackie Collins, in her sophisticated British accent, laughed and said she told him he was a bigger star than any of them. He eventually did go into the party and had a wonderful time.

So the next time you're feeling shy about entering a party, remember how a great entertainer like Michael Jackson felt that way. Take a deep breath and enter the room like you're as big a star as anyone. I'm no Jackie Collins, but you might thank me anyway.

How to Keep Your Networking Commitments

How do you keep yourself from deciding to ditch a networking event at the last minute?

It's easy to pencil them in on your calendar, especially at the beginning of the week right after that first cup of coffee, but it's a lot harder to go when you get to the end of day and you're tired. My friend Kristan has a great idea.

"Make me volunteer to help you," she said. "That way, I'll be sure to go."

Commit yourself in advance. If someone else is depending on you, you're much less likely to decide to skip it at the last minute. And you'll probably have a much more productive time if you've got a goal when you get there.

Your Business Can Learn from Superchex

No, Superchex isn't a heroic breakfast cereal, it's the Superior Chamber Executives of Northern California. Every few months they put on a day-long seminar that's relevant to chamber staff. This time it was membership's turn, so 50 Chamber executives gathered in the CalChamber office for "Membership Development & Retention in Whitewater Times."

Sounds like a day of esoteric information of interest only to a few lonely Membership Directors (there's usually only one of us per town). But I took away great information from the speakers that would benefit anyone's business.

From Dave Kilby, CEO of the Western Association of Chamber Executives:

• There are three keys to success for Chambers
  1. Dedicated volunteer leadership (for small businesses this means cultivating clients who have an interest in seeing you succeed.)
  2. The best professional staff you can afford.
  3. Programs that meet the needs of your members (i.e. products that meet the needs of your customers.)
• The number one question a chamber needs to ask itself: "WHY is this activity/announcement/event, etc. important to our members?" (Ask yourself, "WHY is this service/marketing campaign/product important to our clients?")

From Ben Wolf, Vice President of Member Services for the Nashville Chamber:

• Don't get sucked into blaming everything on "the economy." The solution to "the economy" is to sell ourselves out of this.
  
• Membership is everyone's job (clients/customers are everyone's job). No members (no clients)? Then no one has a job whether or not their title includes the word "member" (or "customer").
• We need to return to "high touch" marketing. It's easy to use technology to do it.

Jeni Coke, Membership Investment & Relationship Manager for the Lake Havasu Area Chamber:

• If you can find a way for other people to benefit from helping you, not only will you get help, but you'll get more than you expected. (Jeni told a great story about an Ambassador who was starting a new insurance office. Email or Tweet me (or Jeni!) to find out how this new agent/Ambassador got 1 out of 5 people she cold-visited to call her back.)
• People rarely know that you've referred them, so use three-way calling to make the introduction as soon as someone calls for a referral. "Hello, Bob? I have Joan on the phone, she called me looking for a real estate agent who could help her. I thought of you and now I have Joan on the phone. Joan, this is Bob." Bob will never forget that you have referred to him.

From Scott Ashton, Director of Sales & Marketing for the Oceanside Chamber:

• Packaging your services together can help you sell more. (This can apply to any business, but especially service businesses - spas do it all the time.)
• It's even more important to continue adding value for your members (and your customers).
• Scott allows non-members to sponsor their events. My lesson from this is to not be elitist about where your revenue is coming from. You might also build new relationships from unexpected sources.
  

Can Non-Networkers Be Successful, Part 2

As I said on Monday, everyone I know does at least a little bit of networking. They want to network because they know it's useful and important to their business growth. But I started wondering how people who adamantly think they don't need networking grow their business. I posted the question here and there are some great responses, all of them worth reading.

I also asked this question on LinkedIn. You can read all the thoughtful answers I've received here. I've had a variety of responses, all of which made me really think. But here's the most important thing I've realized from their comments is this:

EVERYBODY networks.
Everyone has to develop some kind of relationship with at least a few people in order to survive.

But I'm not talking about people who have accidentally or incidentally developed some relationships that work for them. If you're in business and you're not a complete a--hole, you'll build a rudimentary network.

I'm talking about strategic networking. The deliberate cultivation of a wide variety of relationships for the specific purpose of reaching goals quicker, faster, and easier.

It seems like you can build a certain level of success with hard work, lots of cold-calling and a careful advertising campaign. But it seems to me that strategic networking would make it all happen faster, quicker, and easier.

Over the next few days, I'll see if I can get permission to quote the who answered my LinkedIn question and I'll summarize them here.

Can Non-Networkers Be Successful?

In my world, everyone networks.

They all understand that it is important, they'll accomplish things more easily and that they will be more successful by developing mutually beneficial relationships with other people.

There are people out there who can't relate to others of a different race, different socio-economic backgrounds, or different political backgrounds. They aren't able to even imagine how those people think.

I can't wrap my head around the thought process of people who absolutely believe they don't need to network, don't have to network, and don't want to network.

How do they make a living? Can they be successful? Who does business with someone who doesn't want to give or share, but only takes? Do they spend all their money on advertising and wait for the phone to ring? Are they masters of cold-calling? Who do they call when they need help?

What's your take on it? Help me understand a world that I've never visited and tell me how dedicated non-networkers survive in the business world.

Time is Always the Issue

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.” ~Albert Einstein

"Lately, it doesn't seem to be working." ~Anonymous

Just like it's easy for extroverts to give great advice to shy people about networking ("Don't be shy"), it's easy for someone whose job is to network to tell you to "just make the time."

Let me try to give you some ideas on finding the time to network that don't include the usual tried-and-true time management advice (because you know all about that, right?).

Picture from Flickr by FionaAndNeil

• Maybe you're not "finding time" to networking because you're getting bored. Or you're not having fun any more. Or you're not getting results. If it was fun and productive, you'd find the time.
• Are you avoiding events because they take a big chunk of time out of one day? If your association luncheon runs from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m., including travel time, that's 2 1/2 hours you've got to carve out. Maybe it's time for shorter bursts of networking. Try a no agenda event (such as mixers) where you can run in for just 20 minutes.
• Combine activities. Can you invite a client to the association event? Take a new contact to lunch? Mix business with pleasure?
• Try Speed Networking or BlitzTime events which are set up to maximize the number of people you meet.
• Take a leadership position. You'll spend more time working for the organization or group, but you'll gain much more exposure to more people all at once.
• Recruit ambassadors or champions to help expand your sphere of influence (you should probably do the same for them!).

How do you save time when networking? Or how do you maximize your results from the time you spend? Feel free to leave your comments.

Buy Local Means Buying from Local People

A couple weeks ago, I saw a presentation on a Bay Area city's "Buy Local" campaign. They've worked hard and put together some nice materials for their program. Perhaps it works for the unique outlook that their city has, but I could never support such a campaign here. According to their criteria, many of our Clovis Chamber members would be excluded.

People who live, work, breathe, eat, and sleep Clovis would be left out of their program because they are an independent agent of a nationwide company. Or because the business owner lives outside the city limits. Or because they are part of a national chain.

But these are still people who live here, who join the Chamber, and who show up to get face to face with their customers. They've put themselves out into the community because they care about the people they live next to and work with.

How could we have a program that says "Sorry, but I'm going to tell people to not buy from you." Of course, the campaign creators in the Bay Area town have said they're not telling people to not shop at certain stores, but the undercurrent is there. They are defining "us" and "them" and telling you to not do business with "them."

Personally, I'll keep doing business with the people who live and work here. With the people who tell me - by their action of showing up and looking me in the eye - that they want and appreciate my business. I hope you do, too.

Boiling Down the Essence of Networking for Job Seekers

Tomorrow I am speaking at an event for job seekers. I have 20 minutes to give them vital information on using networking to help them find a job. What can I say in that little bit of time that will help them as much as possible?

First, they need to be convinced of the benefits. I think there are three main ways that networking helps job seekers:

1. It exposes the hidden job market. According to www.QuintCareers.com, less than 20% of jobs are ever advertised. The way to find these jobs is through networking.
2. You'll get insight into companies and job titles. People who've worked for specific companies or in particular job areas can give you information not otherwise available.
3. The next time you're in a job search, you'll have a stronger, more useful network helping you (assuming you stay in touch with people you met in your first search).

Second, they have to be very good at explaining what they are looking for in as few words as possible. The worst things I see people who are in a job search do are: 1) stumble and stutter when asked "what do you do?" and 2) go on at great length about a wide variety of jobs they are willing to take. Act as if every conversation you engage in while networking is a mini job interview. You never know who you're talking to or who they know, so it's important to make a great impression in the short time you have.

Third, if they haven't networked much before, they can be reassured by knowing that networking consists of just four very simple steps, repeated over and over.

1. Go Places
2. Meet People
3. Exchange Value
4. Maintain Contact
   

This is 20 minutes of presentation. I hope that it gives them a good place to start networking. In my three years of speaking to the Central Valley Professionals Job Club, I've found that a lot of mid-level professional people haven't done a lot of networking or haven't done it for a long time. They are rusty, but just need some ground rules and encouragement.

Anything else vital that you would tell them?

Searching for Pearls of Wisdom

Ever find yourself wondering why in the world you're wasting time with someone who appears to be completely useless to you? I do too, although more and more I find myself completely fascinated by people who are terrible networkers, relentless sales sharks, and behave in other inexplicable ways. It's like a car wreck; you don't want to look but you wonder what happened. And just when you think there's no value, they'll say or do one little thing that made it worth the time spent.

My friend Jay Petersen of the Geeks Computer Service has a story about spending time with an advertising consultant way back when Jay first went into business. He spent several weeks working with the guy who seemed to be completely full of self-aggrandizing junk. After several formal sessions, they were having a casual dinner and in the course of normal conversation, the guy dropped a pearl of wisdom that made the whole thing worthwhile.

Too many of us don't have the patience to sort through chaff to get to the wheat. We expect everything to be pure and simple and laid out for us. I still hear people saying that they don't like networking because so many people they meet aren't their target market. Life isn't like that. You can't go to the "perfect customer store," you have to find the pearls of wisdom contained in the general mishmash of life.

Wharton Studies Network-based Marketing

Thank you to my friends at Referral Key for posting about a study published by Wharton University.

It was conducted for a telecommunications company. They found that the strongest indicator of whether or not someone adopted a new Internet service was if they had a "network neighbor" (someone they were in communication with) who was already using the service. Other demographic similarities were not as big an influence on the adoption of the product.

In other words, people who know people who already had the service were more likely to buy. To corporate marketing departments, this means selling to the friends of your existing customers is a powerful tool.

Seems to me like those of us who are faithful, devoted in-person and on-line networkers already know this.

Perhaps the most interesting part is that the study wasn't able to pinpoint the reason for the "network neighbor" effect. It speculates that they might be talking to each other (although in the study the consumers' conversations weren't monitored), or that they might be like-minded and therefore purchasing similar products, or that they have some deeper connection that is alluded to by the fact that the communicate with each other.

If you're a major telecommunications company, I guess you'd want the study to engage in this kind of introspection. For the rest of us, isn't it enough to know that our work on building referrals is validated?

More Thoughts from the Ambassador Rally

I'm always a little taken aback when I'm at events like an Ambassador Rally and someone at the event uses really poor networking skills. I expect Ambassadors to be some of the most skillful networkers around. (Ambassadors are volunteers who help their Chambers of Commerce with membership retention, recruitment and events.)

Here are a couple of examples that surprised me the most. During the lunch hour, one person was walking around to each table and announcing "I'm collecting business cards." No attempt at conversation, no self-introduction, just pure ol' list-building, I guess. I haven't heard from him yet, but I certainly expect to. I tossed his business card away - he won't remember anything about me.

I received my first follow-up email this morning, which was terrific. The problem is that the email included a sales pitch for their service "as you requested." Now I know this was a form email - I didn't request more information. I was sorry to see this - the person who sent it was very interesting. We talked a little bit and I enjoyed meeting them. But now I have received a sales email and no discussion of the person-to-person conversation we had. Unless I very specifically told you I needed your sales information, please don't send it to me!

See, even those who should know better occasionally let their sales and prospecting sides take over, when they should have stuck to the networking. It's a cautionary tale to the rest of us, to remain ever vigilant.

Thoughts on the Ambassador Rally from a Train Station

I'm posting this from the Amtrak station in Martinez,California. (The picture is from dinner last night) We've got an hour layover waiting for our train back home to Fresno. "We" meaning myself, Sally Dove, Claudia Moorefield, Ellie Huston, Bev Stoccketti and Chris Jue - some of the best Ambassadors a Chamber staff person could ever ask for.

We spent the day at the Northern California Ambassador Rally in Berkeley. What a great opportunity for me to spend time learning about my counterparts from other cities. You might be able to network with other financial people, other retailers, and other businesses who are in the same niche or the same industry as you. Sometimes we're not thrilled about the competition, but you've got a lot of opportunities to learn from what they're doing well (and what they're doing wrong).

Because of the unique nature of Chambers of Commerce (just a few per city), I don't have the chance to network with my peers very often. So this was a special treat. I renewed friendships with Chris Phipps of Richmond and Sue Thurmon from Gilroy. I made new friends, meeting energetic Irish Robertson from Anderson, experienced Dawn Wilson from Pleasanton, open-minded Charlotte Mills from Danville, and super-energy Kevin from Berkeley.

One thing I learned is that not many of these Chambers are on Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn ... yet. In the not to distant future, you'll be able to learn almost as much about your local chamber through social media as you will through their brochures and websites.

Are You Finding Success by Finding the Successful

I used to play a game called Star Fleet Battles. I would travel to tournaments where the goal was to win the coveted title of "Rated Ace." Only one player per event earned a Rated Ace Card, except for at the national convention where a small handful could earn the title.

There was a saying in the Star Fleet Battle circles: "Aces breed aces." This meant that new rated aces tended to come from groups that already had a couple of rated aces. They brought the level of play up so that relative new-comers in their circles would rapidly come up to speed and surpass the ability of those who played in groups without Rated Aces.

Are you spending time with Rated Aces? If you want to increase your networking skills, you need to spend time with those whose abilities surpass your own. If you want to build your business, you need to spend time with people who are working to build their businesses. And if you want to grow in all areas of your life, you need to spend time with other people who are learning and growing.

Picture from Flickr by Benimoto

Oh, what's that? Do I have a Rated Ace card? I have two. And the last time I checked, I was still the only woman in the history of the game to have ever won one card, much less two.

P.S. If any hardcore SFB'ers see this post, yes, I realize they are not playing SFB in the picture!

The Networking Motivator Newsletter

The Networking Motivator Newsletter is a weekly publication that I recently started. It will feature one clear short paragraph or two about a single idea that you can apply during the week. It will be a quick boost of inspiration or it will be a thought-provoking question or it will be a networking success story.

You decide!

Tell me what networking issue are the most annoying, difficult, or perplexing to you. I'll answer the question to the best of my knowledge and I may even bring in an outside resource or two.

Have you got a great networking success story? I would love to feature it in the newsletter. It can be anonymous (although that defeats some of the purpose of networking) or I'm happy to link to your site or blog.

To contact me about The Networking Motivator with a question, suggestion, or story, send email to thenetworkingmotivator@gmail.com

To subscribe to the newsletter visit www.TheNetworkingMotivator.com

Want to Catch What's Going Around?

Seems that the swine flu scare is about over. An article in our local paper said that it's not as virulent and doesn't seem to be spreading as they thought. The only thing that most people caught from each other was fear.

It's funny how contagious our concerns and attitudes can be. Ever been in a happy mood, then went to lunch with a couple other people who were gloomy? Guess what, you were probably gloomy, too, by the time lunch was done.

Or, if you're a little down, but spend some time with your friends who are always upbeat and make you laugh and you'll feel better. Monday mornings are a drag, but I have my Toastmasters club meeting at noon. I always feel uplifted and ready to go by the time we're done.

Photo from Flickr by Zenilorac

This is one of the unexpected benefits of networking. You'll spend time with people who are usually positive and forward-thinking. They feel good because they are taking action toward their goals. The energy will be contagious.

So think really hard about the kind of people you spend time with. Do some networking to get a boost. And when you sneeze, use your sleeve.

Are Toastmasters Natural Networkers?

Not familiar with Toastmasters? It's a world-wide organization dedicated to helping people improve their communication and leadership skills. Meetings include prepared speeches and extemporaneous speeches, as well as the opportunity to take leadership roles in the meetings. It's helped millions of people around the world improve their speaking skills.

As I sit here in the lobby of the Bakersfield Marriott, waiting for hospitality night to kick off the event, I wonder if Toastmasters have a natural edge in networking.

• Toastmasters are good communicators. Networking takes excellent communications.
• Toastmasters are excellent, trained listeners. Networking takes good listening skills.
• But are Toastmasters extroverts? Put on the brakes! I suspect many Toastmasters are actually introverts. But that's okay - you don't have to be an extrovert to be a good networker.

Want to improve your networking skills? Try Toastmasters. You'll boost your confidence, learn better communication skills, and you'll make some great friends!

Are you Changing Your Networking Habits?

My opinion of the swine flu?

I think America has lost its collective grip! Maybe after so many other pieces of bad news, this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

My husband saw two people in the grocery store wearing masks. My friend who works for an office supply company says they cannot get hand sanitizer, disinfectants, or face masks for the next three weeks.

Photo from Flickr by Ottmar, Jolly and Joni

I'm starting to wonder if I'll see a decrease in attendance at Clovis Chamber networking events until we come to our senses. I'll be polling my Chamber friends on Twitter to see if they're experiencing anything yet.

In the meantime, please be sensible. Don't curtail your life. Don't be afraid. And of course, don't stop networking!

Overdramatic Reporting Makes Job Seeker Look Ridiculous

Today's paper had a McClatchy article about a pair of job seekers who have created "Laid Off" wristbands. I admire their creativity and their resilience. Hopefully taking this action and garnering all the press coverage will help them in their job searches. I wish them the best.

But I have a real bone to pick with a terrible conflict in the article. I hope it's the result of overzealous dramatizing by the reporter and not the job strategy of the person in the article.

In the opening paragraph, the article emphasizes just how hard this person is looking for a job. She has been "spending 10 to 12 hours on the Internet looking for a new one."

She's spending all day inside her house, talking to no one, going nowhere and doing nothing but searching for job listings on the Internet??Is that what the reporting is implying? Because that's what I'm inferring.

If that's true, no wonder she's having a hard time finding a job.

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 70 percent of all jobs are found through networking. Sure, there's rapid growth in jobs found through social media, but it is still a tiny fraction.

The really hilarious part of the article comes toward the end when the reporter quotes a spokesperson for the local workforce board.

"Networking in today's economy is very important and a very big part of what job seekers should be doing... Sending resumes to companies is not enough. It's getting in front of people." [emphasis mine]

I suspect that the reporter didn't interview the workforce person in the context of letting her know that he's telling us the job seeker isn't getting in front of anyone.

It gets better. The end of the article is another quote from the workforce person, "...the unemployed are a little bit invisible, and this is to make them more visible."

How is anyone going to see the unemployed person wearing the wristband if she's on the Internet 10 hours a day?

Let's hope this is over-dramatic reporting and that the job seeker - who is a smart and creative for coming up with this idea - is getting out and networking in person.

The Irony of Toastmasters ...

Andy Lopata of Connecting People had a guest blogger today, Neil Urquhart, who wrote about becoming a great networker through good listening skills. It's a post worth reading; it approaches listening skills from the perspective of learning from other people. It made me think about my own ability to listen, which I hope is good since I love to talk.

Photo from Flickr by JIFormales

I realized that I get excellent practice in careful listening every week in my Toastmasters club. I was "grammarian" this week which means not only listening, but reporting to the entire group on their grammer, uhs and ums, and any other verbal "tics."

It's ironic that Toastmasters turns us into better listeners because the image is that it's a public speaking organization (which it is). But there are many roles that require you listen carefully. Not only do you have to listen with intention, you also get to practice shutting up! When a speech is given, it's not a dialog. You are to be an attentive audience, but not comment. And, you're also not supposed to "kibbutz" when the Toastmaster or General Evaluator is running the meeting. It's funny how hard it is for some people to let others play their parts without commenting.

Your Comfort Zone is Someone Else's Scary Place

You have to remind yourself that what seems easy for you, can be a real difficult stretch for someone else. If you don't, you'll misunderstand other people's reluctance to do things that seem like a no-brainer.

If I forgot the first awkward days of insecurity and nervousness about networking with complete strangers I wouldn't be able to encourage and reassure new networkers. Instead I might look down on them or dismiss as being stupid or unmotivated.

Photo from Flickr by Sarajea

Here's an example. Occasionally I run into someone who says they don't like networking because other people try to sell, or don't have good conversational skills, or who commit any other number of networking "sins." I try to remind that person that not everyone is a skilled networker. They need to try to gently guide them toward good networking, instead of writing off an entire business-building strategy because they think other people aren't good enough. Plus, that's another example of a comfort zone: only wanting to network with people who are at the same skill level they are.

Have a little compassion. Think of the things you're not good at where other people have to be patient with you. Now, apply that to those who are brave enough to get out of their comfort zone, but aren't yet skilled.

Expanding Your Comfort Zone

How do you expand your comfort zone? Unless you're a member of the Polar Bear Club, you probably want to ease into a new situation. Networ king is an activity that can create a lot of anxiety. Here are several tips for expanding your comfort zone without feeling like you're about to jump into a frozen lake.

• Use the Buddy System. Ask one of your more experienced or outgoing networking friends to accompany you to an event. They break the ice for you and give you the opportunity to watch and emulate their networking techniques. Just make sure they don't get carried away and leave you behind.
• Plan Ahead. Research the event, find out who's attending, and ask the host about the agenda. Knowing what to expect goes a very long way toward helping you feel comfortable in a new situation.
• Take Small Steps. Start out small. Don't expect to change habits of many years in one networking event. Luncheons, speed networking, and trade shows are all events where there is networking, but it's in small doses even within a larger event.
• Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. The classic self-help novel by Susan Jeffers provides wonderful advice and strategies for any situation that causes you to feel fear. Her first and most important point is that you'll never get rid of the fear of doing something by waiting. Fear does not magically go away on its own unless there's an underlying medical or psychological condition that you're getting treated for. Even so, many treatments for phobias include careful exposure to what the person fears.

Expanding your networking sphere of activity and influence by trying these simple strategies.

Where Are the Edges of Your Comfort Zone?

The Clovis Chamber mixer tonight was held at one of the best AAA baseball stadiums in the country, in their skybox/lounge/bar. We had the entire place to ourselves. On one hand, I was a little concerned that hundreds would show up for the chance to have fun in our very popular Grizzlies baseball stadium. On the other hand, I wondered if the location would be a problem.

See, the mixer was held ... in Fresno. Downtown Fresno. I wondered if people would hesitate to drive "all the way downtown." I wondered if they would not be willing to stretch their comfort zone quite that far. I wondered if our streak of extremely well attended mixers would suffer a bit from being "all the way downtown" which is located a few miles past the edge of many people's comfort zones.

Are you limited by your comfort zone? I think I fool myself a little bit by telling myself that I'm not limited. I go outside of my comfort zone all the time... but do I? I've done enough networking for long enough that I feel pretty comfortable much of the time, even at new events because there are usually people I know. Hm, maybe if I feel comfortable, I'm not out of my comfort zone.

How do you know? Do you have to feel uncomfortable to know you're outside of your comfort zone? Or can you get comfortable enough with feeling a bit stretched and out of place that it no longer feels uncomfortable?

Photo by Rightee on Flickr

Tortoises, Hares, Greyhounds and Horses

Let's keep the analogy going. Chris from Referral Key commented on yesterday's post that horses require a lot more resources to keep going than rabbits or turtles. And as the very sad death of the 21 polo ponies in Florida shows, they are delicate creatures subject to many ills.

The point is that you need to pick a pace you can maintain and stick with it. If you can only manage a tortoise-slow pace on your networking (i.e. a very small amount at a time), but you can do it every day you are still in better shape than an inconsistent rabbit. Sure, you're better off to be like a swift greyhound, but how long can you keep up that pace? Plan for a networking strategy that you can maintain for the long run.

Photo by CelticBlade from Flickr