Can I Give You a Compliment?

More importantly, can you take a compliment? For some people, I think they almost know how to deal with an insult better than a little appreciation. The conversation goes like this:

Me: “That is a really sharp outfit.”

Them: “Oh, this old thing?”

Me: “No, really, it’s a great color and very flattering.”

Them: “What!? It makes my butt look fat.”

Obviously, this is a conversation with a woman, haha. But I’ve had similar experiences with men.

Me: “Hey, that is a great tie.”

Them (looking at the tie with a perplexed expression): “What? Oh …”

When someone gives you a compliment, they are showing appreciation or gratitude. They are expressing their liking for you by noticing your clothes, jewelry, office furnishings, car or other material items. In commending your hard work, they are telling you that they are aware and responsive to what you are doing.

When you turn around and dismiss the compliment with “Oh, this is ugly” or “Really? I hate this desk” or “It wasn’t a big deal, anyone could do it” you are telling them that they are stupid, have bad taste, and don’t know what they’re talking about.

Now that’s definitely not what you mean. Mom taught us to not brag. Or we don’t know where to take the conversation from there. For many of us, it’s just a bad habit.

You need to break this habit and learn to be gracious in receiving compliments. They are giving you a gift. You need to accept that gift. Otherwise you are rejecting their opinion, their generosity, and ultimately … them.

What should you do when someone gives you a compliment?

Say “Thank you” in a very pleased tone of voice and then move the conversation to the next topic.
“Oh, why thank you. Hey, have you met Bob?”

Say “Thank you” and then compliment something of theirs or something that they’ve done. But be very careful because it could seem insincere.
“Thank you. I was admiring your jacket. What a great color.”
“Thank you. I appreciate you being here. You’ve helped make this mixer a success.”

Say “Thank you” and then tell them something interesting about the item.
“Thank you. This was my grandmother’s ring and it’s very special to me.” (This is my favorite because it makes the conversation a little more meaningful and they feel even better since they noticed something that was special to you.)

Are you now ready to take a compliment?

You’re a great blog reader. You’ve helped me talk about some very important networking topics.

Now … be gracious and say “thank you!”

Photo from Flickr by Daquella Manera

The Power of In Jokes for Networkers

A networking event without a little fun is like ice cream without chocolate syrup. Oh the ice cream is good stuff, but the chocolate syrup takes it to the next level.

I amp up the fun factor in my networking with laughter. And one of my favorite ways to have a laugh, especially with the people I've known for a while, is to have "in jokes."

Forgive me for quoting Wikipedia, but they explain it so very well:

"An in-joke (also known as an in joke or inside joke) is a joke whose humor is clear only to those people who are "inside" a social group, occupation or other community of common understanding. It is humorous only to those who know the situation behind it. Inside jokes may exist within a small social clique, such as a group of friends. They also may extend to an entire profession (e.g., inside jokes in the film industry)."

By it's very description, do you see where this might not only be fun in networking, but a helpful way to strengthen relationships? Networking is about saying "We mesh. We work well together. We can help each other. We've hung out together enough that we have these little jokes."

And to me, when I've got an in joke with someone, I feel like they're special enough to me (and hopefully vice verse) that I'm going to remember the joke and use it to remind them of our special bond.

Here's an example of some of the in jokes that I have going with people:

• My co-worker whom I greet with "yo G" and she say's "What up B?"
• My friend whom I refer to as my "gangsta coach"
• My fellow Toastmaster whom I will introduce as a "former Ninja"
• A Chamber member whom I now refer to as the "Ninja killer" (no relation to my Toastmaster friend).

Why have in jokes with people?

• It reminds them of unique experiences you may have had together.
• It's a bonding experience that emphasizes what you have in common.
• It illustrates your sense of humor.
• You remind them that they are part of your "in" group and that they are accepted by the social circle.
• Professional in jokes show that you are current within your industry.
• It illustrates and enhances your friendliness and your authenticity (vital components of Tim Sanders' Likeability Factor)
  
• Clean and kind humor is always appreciated by everyone who shares in it. When you make people laugh, they like you more.
  

A few tips on using in jokes:

• Never, ever create or perpetuate an in joke that is derogatory.
• If they don't laugh, or repeat their line, it isn't funny any more. Drop it.
• Ask. I checked with my friend on calling him the "Ninja Killer" and he thinks it's funny.
• Be willing to let others in on the joke. The downside of creating an "exclusive" joke with one person is that they others are then left out. So expand your in jokes or create new ones with the people who know of your other special stories.

Do you have an in joke you're willing to share? Post your comment below and let us in on the joke!

P.S. I'm having a problem posting my own comments =-) and I want to respond to Susan and Susan:

Susan Brooks: Thank you. You make a very good point about using in jokes in public. By including one person, you don't want to make others feel excluded. Either leave the in jokes to non-public settings, or use them and then let everyone else "in on it" by telling the story.

Susan Whitcomb: Well, you should always be marketing ;-)

Photo from Flickr by The Hills are Alive