Get Yourself Out There! Beth BridgesThe Networking Motivator (tm)

Where to Start Networking or What to Do Next

2010-12-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

Wondering where to start networking? Or wondering what to do next? Choose your level of networking experience (increasing experience as you go up) and your personal preference for details (more detail oriented to the right) and find your best option on what to do!

With all respects to Jessica Hagy of Indexed.

Be a Memorable Networker

2010-10-04T10:28:00.000-07:00

You've worked hard to remember other people you meet when networking, but are they remembering you? It's great to keep other people in mind, but if they can't remember you, your name, or what you do, it's going to be difficult for them to help you out or send you referrals.

There are some guaranteed ways to be remembered: Be obnoxious. Try to sell them something when you first meet. Interrupt them. Don't listen. Be very strange.

Obviously, this isn't the way you want to be remembered. But you also don't want to be so blandly nice that they can't remember you except for a vague "umm, he's nice." Here are several ways to make sure that they remember you in a good way.

Be Interested in Them: There is nothing nicer than feeling like someone finds you fascinating. You'll remember their interest and studies show that they'll think you're smarter, funnier and all around more interesting yourself! We know this because people generally don’t remember what you say, but they will remember how you made them feel. If they feel like you listened and were interested in them, like you thought they had something valuable to contribute and that you liked them personally, they will feel great and they’ll attach that feeling to you.
Help Them Remember: Unless you have a very unusual name or occupation, assume that they need some help remembering you. Since one of the most common networking problems people say they have is remembering names, try to make it as easy as possible for them by giving them a memorable association to your name.

And, give them a signature story or characteristic that they can attach to you. In the future, don't make them uncomfortable by assuming they remembered you. For more on how to handle that problem, check out this issue of The Networking Motivator (tm) Newsletter.
Remind Them: In advertising the general rule of thumb is that it takes seven exposures to a message for someone to remember it. Why should we expect to be clearly remembered ourselves with just one meeting? There’s a saying that “the fortune is in the follow-up” but so is the formation of memory. Increase your number of exposures by sending them a thank you note that includes a brief summary of what you discussed (include a reference to your memorable “hook” or one of your stories).

You can continue to follow up with relevant information that they would appreciate (and that would show you are a good listener). For example, they may have mentioned that they were considering advertising in a particular publication. If you know someone else who also advertised in it, consider connecting the two together. Your new contact will get the benefit of someone elses experience and your existing contact will get the benefit of making a new connection.

I have some other methods that I personally use to make myself memorable, but these three points are a great way to start. It takes practice to make it easy for other people, but once you think of it from their perspective you'll find it to be a habit you want to keep.

Do you have a way of making sure that people remember you?

Photo courtesy of teclasorg from Flickr

Central California Women's Conference 2010

2010-09-15T07:41:00.000-07:00

My tote bag was full, my water bottle empty and my feet were sore. Marie Osmund was so funny, the lunch was very good and I saw so many great people. It was the end of a wonderful day at the Central California Women's Conference in Fresno. Did you go? And did you get out of it what you wanted? Here's how it went for me and how I'm going to fine-tune what I do in future years:

What a dilemma: Wear fabulous shoes because everyone is so beautifully dressed up or go for comfort. Right now my feet say "comfort" but that will probably wear off by next year. You don't want to miss potential connections because you had to sit down: wear comfortable shoes.
Stay longer. I had to leave to speak with one of my favorite groups (Central Valley Professionals), so next year I'll check the calendar for September. But I had to rush through part of the display. With an event this big, plan to stay all day.
Even if it's not something you think is relevant to you, be curious about every booth. I paused at the Community Hospital booth where they had the Da Vinci Surgical System on display. It was a nice surprise that several of the doctors who use the system were in the booth. I had a long conversation with Dr. William Carveth not only about the machine but about Clovis and the development of our hospital. You can get unexpected information you wouldn't have had the chance to learn otherwise.
It was a very big event with hundreds of booths and 3, 400 attendees. There were times when the aisle was so crowded that you had to be very patient. There were amazing sessions, but it was more important to me to see people I knew, make connections with new people working for existing Chamber members and to see what companies were still doing some marketing. When an event has that much going on, you should narrow your focus.
Thom Singer, The Conference Networking Catalyst, has a great deal of information and ideas on getting the most out of conferences on his blog at http://thomsinger.blogspot.com/

I had a great time and saw people I hadn't seen, got updated on changes at some companies and was very encouraged by the excitement and enthusiasm of the companies here in our valley. Congratulations to the organizers... once again, a fantastic event for the women of the Central Valley. I'm already looking forward to next year!

Lessons from a Community Resource Summit

2010-09-13T18:09:00.000-07:00

Last week I attended the Community Resource Summit as a presenter and an exhibitor for the Clovis Chamber of Commerce. I had heard about it before, but until I got a call from one of the organizers, I have to admit that I hadn't thought about attending.

There were many networking lessons learned from this:

Your network will find and suggest opportunities for you that you would not have discovered on your own. I was asked to participate for the Chamber because of the involvement of one of our board members, but then I tapped into my network to find out more about the event before I made the commitment. They all said it would be a good opportunity. Let other people's experience guide your choices.
There are industries, professions and groups of people you haven't begun to tap into. I had no idea how many non-profits we have here in the valley and how much work so many of them do. I would not have been able to learn about these organizations and their activities so easily in one place without the event.
You might think you know "everyone" but you don't. I spend the majority of my time networking with people who are in very similar circles. So I usually know quite a few people wherever I go. It would be easy to think that this "microcosm" is the entire business world. Events that are outside your usual are a great way to be reminded that there is always room to expand your network.
Social networking and social media are still very new to many people. I presented to a group of about 50 people who mainly represent non-profits. Some have taken small steps into Facebook for themselves personally but are still looking for ways to expand their usage to help their organizations. I think that social media sites are a powerful tool for these organizations to leverage their resources.

If you work with a non-profit organization, I recommend that you put this on your calendar for next year. It usually takes place in early September, so put it in your tickler file for August.

And, if you'd like a copy of the slide show that I presented at the event, you can get it at http://www.slideshare.net/BethBridges/social-media-as-a-networking-tool-for-non-profits

I Get So Much More Back Now ...

2010-06-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm not complaining in the slightest, haha! I just sometimes wonder why it feels like I get so much back from other people in the form of referrals, suggestions, resources, ideas, compliments, feedback and all the good stuff that comes to those who network. I work hard to give just as much if not more out to my network, but some days it feels like I get so much more back than I put in.

I call it the multiplier effect of networking. The helpful and positive things that I do for other people gets paid forward, expanded on, turned around, and value gets added. The group as a whole is lifted up. People find it easier to do good things for each other. And then it comes back around to me, my work is enhanced and it gets passed along again.

Like pushing someone on a swing. Each push adds a little more momentum so the rider goes higher and higher until there's hardly any effort involved at all. You only need to give it little pushes to keep going. But you can't stop. Eventually the momentum runs out and everything stops.

It's the same with networking. It's hard at first and you seem to get so little back from your effort. But then it starts to add up. A little bit of energy goes a longer way. Until all you need to do is give it regular small pushes and momentum keeps carrying you forward. Your effort doesn't add up, it multiplies.

Here are the things I do that I think multiplies my networking efforts.

Long-term Consistent Networking: I've been in the same job in the same community doing the same events for nearly seven years. That kind of consistency adds up. It's a very different dynamic when you and someone else "go back for years." Do you think you'll know more about how you can help someone you've known for 10 years than someone you just met? A long history of being helpful, of being a resource goes a long way toward building a great relationship.
Regular Habit of Small Things: I look for things that I can do quickly when the opportunity strikes, rather than hold back all my effort for the big kill. This way I can help more people and I have the chance to do something maybe every day, maybe twice a day. The more often you do something, the easier it gets and the more of a habit you establish.
Helping Many at Once: A big part of my job is creating activities where a lot of people come together in one place at one time such as Speed Networking and mixers. It's an incredible way to help many more people, all at once, with the same amount of effort. Oh, I still connect people one-on-one, but for sheer momentum and compounding your effort, few things beat being the organizer of an event where 100+ people got to build relationships.

What ways are you multiplying your networking efforts?

Photo from Flickr by Marcin Wichary

Can I Give You a Compliment?

2010-05-28T19:28:00.000-07:00

More importantly, can you take a compliment? For some people, I think they almost know how to deal with an insult better than a little appreciation. The conversation goes like this:

Me: “That is a really sharp outfit.”

Them: “Oh, this old thing?”

Me: “No, really, it’s a great color and very flattering.”

Them: “What!? It makes my butt look fat.”

Obviously, this is a conversation with a woman, haha. But I’ve had similar experiences with men.

Me: “Hey, that is a great tie.”

Them (looking at the tie with a perplexed expression): “What? Oh …”

When someone gives you a compliment, they are showing appreciation or gratitude. They are expressing their liking for you by noticing your clothes, jewelry, office furnishings, car or other material items. In commending your hard work, they are telling you that they are aware and responsive to what you are doing.

When you turn around and dismiss the compliment with “Oh, this is ugly” or “Really? I hate this desk” or “It wasn’t a big deal, anyone could do it” you are telling them that they are stupid, have bad taste, and don’t know what they’re talking about.

Now that’s definitely not what you mean. Mom taught us to not brag. Or we don’t know where to take the conversation from there. For many of us, it’s just a bad habit.

You need to break this habit and learn to be gracious in receiving compliments. They are giving you a gift. You need to accept that gift. Otherwise you are rejecting their opinion, their generosity, and ultimately … them.

What should you do when someone gives you a compliment?

Say “Thank you” in a very pleased tone of voice and then move the conversation to the next topic.
“Oh, why thank you. Hey, have you met Bob?”

Say “Thank you” and then compliment something of theirs or something that they’ve done. But be very careful because it could seem insincere.
“Thank you. I was admiring your jacket. What a great color.”
“Thank you. I appreciate you being here. You’ve helped make this mixer a success.”

Say “Thank you” and then tell them something interesting about the item.
“Thank you. This was my grandmother’s ring and it’s very special to me.” (This is my favorite because it makes the conversation a little more meaningful and they feel even better since they noticed something that was special to you.)

Are you now ready to take a compliment?

You’re a great blog reader. You’ve helped me talk about some very important networking topics.

Now … be gracious and say “thank you!”

Photo from Flickr by Daquella Manera

The Power of In Jokes for Networkers

2010-05-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

A networking event without a little fun is like ice cream without chocolate syrup. Oh the ice cream is good stuff, but the chocolate syrup takes it to the next level.

I amp up the fun factor in my networking with laughter. And one of my favorite ways to have a laugh, especially with the people I've known for a while, is to have "in jokes."

Forgive me for quoting Wikipedia, but they explain it so very well:

"An in-joke (also known as an in joke or inside joke) is a joke whose humor is clear only to those people who are "inside" a social group, occupation or other community of common understanding. It is humorous only to those who know the situation behind it. Inside jokes may exist within a small social clique, such as a group of friends. They also may extend to an entire profession (e.g., inside jokes in the film industry)."

By it's very description, do you see where this might not only be fun in networking, but a helpful way to strengthen relationships? Networking is about saying "We mesh. We work well together. We can help each other. We've hung out together enough that we have these little jokes."

And to me, when I've got an in joke with someone, I feel like they're special enough to me (and hopefully vice verse) that I'm going to remember the joke and use it to remind them of our special bond.

Here's an example of some of the in jokes that I have going with people:

My co-worker whom I greet with "yo G" and she say's "What up B?"
My friend whom I refer to as my "gangsta coach"
My fellow Toastmaster whom I will introduce as a "former Ninja"
A Chamber member whom I now refer to as the "Ninja killer" (no relation to my Toastmaster friend).

Why have in jokes with people?

It reminds them of unique experiences you may have had together.
It's a bonding experience that emphasizes what you have in common.
It illustrates your sense of humor.
You remind them that they are part of your "in" group and that they are accepted by the social circle.
Professional in jokes show that you are current within your industry.
It illustrates and enhances your friendliness and your authenticity (vital components of Tim Sanders' Likeability Factor)
Clean and kind humor is always appreciated by everyone who shares in it. When you make people laugh, they like you more.

A few tips on using in jokes:

Never, ever create or perpetuate an in joke that is derogatory.
If they don't laugh, or repeat their line, it isn't funny any more. Drop it.
Ask. I checked with my friend on calling him the "Ninja Killer" and he thinks it's funny.
Be willing to let others in on the joke. The downside of creating an "exclusive" joke with one person is that they others are then left out. So expand your in jokes or create new ones with the people who know of your other special stories.

Do you have an in joke you're willing to share? Post your comment below and let us in on the joke!

P.S. I'm having a problem posting my own comments =-) and I want to respond to Susan and Susan:

Susan Brooks: Thank you. You make a very good point about using in jokes in public. By including one person, you don't want to make others feel excluded. Either leave the in jokes to non-public settings, or use them and then let everyone else "in on it" by telling the story.

Susan Whitcomb: Well, you should always be marketing ;-)

Photo from Flickr by The Hills are Alive

You Look So Familiar... Is That Why I Like You?

2010-04-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

If you're looking for an iron-clad excuse for avoiding networking, you can blame the millions of years of evolution that taught humanity to flee the unknown. The dangerous world taught us to fear the strange and the unfamiliar. We have a hard time liking things that we fear.

A strong networking strategy requires us to meet, get to know, and build a trusting relationship with people who've never seen our face before. But we're working against a deep and subtle distrust of the unfamiliar every time we meet new people. How can you overcome that? By becoming familiar. The "exposure effect" is what happens when people see or are in proximity to something: the tend to like it more, merely by getting used to it.

So the more you network and the more people are exposed to you - whether or not you even talk to them - the more they are going to like you. Other studies have shown that the more times someone sees a face, the more likely they are to rate it as good looking. It is absolutely not true that familiarity breeds contempt. It builds comfort and likability.

If you want to be an effective networker, you need to use this principal to become familiar to people through regular exposure and proximity.

Real estate agents are great at this. Look at their businesses cards. They spend the extra money to have a full-color picture of themselves printed on their cards. Their pictures are on their signs and any other marketing materials they have. By the time you meet them, you've seen their picture often enough that their face has become familiar to you.

This works for people on TV. Don't you feel like you know your favorite newscaster? You see them every night. If you ran into them at the grocery store, you'd talk to them as if you knew them (I know ... I've done this. Hopefully they get used to this effect and don't freak out!).

I did something interesting - by accident - to help people know me at an event this weekend. You can read about it in this week's issue of the Networking Motivator Newsletter.

What can you do to help people become familiar with you before you meet them?

P.S. Yes, that is my picture ;-)

Customize Your Personality ... The Lazy Way

2010-04-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I'll admit to my own laziness. I've learned keyboard shortcuts so I don't have to move my hand to the mouse. I keep my running shoes on my treadmill so I don't have to walk down the hall to get them. And now, I've learned that I can customize my own personality and habits just by doing something that I've always done.

James Fowler and Nicholas Christakis, professors of political science and sociology respectively, have conducted four studies in as many years that suggest that our weight, generosity, happiness and whether we smoke or not is strongly influenced by our social networks (i.e. the people we're connected to and surrounded by in real life).

We've probably all heard that our income is within 10% of that of our five closest friends, or that you are most like the five people you spend the most time with. I've suspected that those have been repeated so often that we believe they are true. But now, looking at the summaries of the studies by Fowler and Christakis, I'm wondering if they are true just by projection from the other things that have been shown to be true.

They've got studies showing that generosity is contagious within a social network and that what you weight and if you smoke or not is affected by the people you spend time with. Can you see how that might work? For example, if you're the only one in the group who doesn't smoke, eventually peer pressure (and standing outside by yourself) could eventually wear you down. If your friends all eat half a pizza for dinner, it's almost impossible to nibble at your salad while they've got pepperoni grease dripping off their chin.

So how can we all use this information to our laziest advantage? I'm assuming that as a reader of this blog, you network on a regular basis or in a systematic way in order to grow your business or develop your career. At the same time, you are influencing your own thought patterns when it comes to your weight, smoking, generosity and who knows what else.

Maybe you're increasing your tendency to get up and take action to achieve your goals. Why not? You're spending time with other people who chose to be at a networking event instead of vegging out on the sofa in front of American Idol. Okay, they might be DVR'ing it. They are still practicing delayed gratification.

Maybe you're working on a more positive mindset. People who network might be a more optimistic group of people because they believe that something good will happen from their efforts.

So ... by networking, you are using a lazy, no-extra-effort-required technique to improve your health, wealth and wisdom. Assuming you're spending time with people who have the positive characteristics that you're looking for.

And as any parent who has said #$%^ in front of their child knows, everything you do influences someone else. Would you have that extra donut if you knew you were eating - not for two - but for your entire social group? Now you've got an extra responsibility for the people who spend their time with you!

Personally, I feel like I've already got an amazing group of people that I spend time with via my networking activities. They are positive, upbeat, serious about their businesses, spend time learning, develop their skills and they are supportive of each other.

How is your social network customizing your personality?

Is "Know, Like & Trust" Enough? For Some, It's not Everything, It's the Only Thing

2010-04-15T17:28:00.000-07:00

Bob Burg, author of "Go Givers Sell More", says that all other things being equal (and sometimes not), people do business with those they know, like and trust. But in a series of blog posts this week, Bob has asked the question "Is it enough?" What!? Is he losing his faith in the value of networking? Am I? Of course not. By asking this question, Bob is taking us deeper into the idea of loyalty and the value of what we have to offer.

His first post asked "is know, like and trust everything?" Generally speaking, with all things being equal or close to equal, it is enough but not always everything. I've even done business with the more expensive person because I knew, liked and/or trusted them that much. There are times when it's not enough. Someone is much higher priced; although I think perhaps that's a trust issue. You don't believe that they are providing the added value. Someone might be very inconveniently located. Although I knew a woman who will drove over an hour each way to get her hair cut. And someone just might not have the exact product you wanted. Although if you liked them enough, they might be able to talk you into something else. Sometimes you just don't have the price/product/delivery options or mix that the customer wants, even though they know, like and trust you.

So my concluding comment to this question was that it is "enough" enough of the time that you would be foolish to ignore it.

But now that I think about it, I know there are business people for whom it is everything. And if you don't put it at the absolute forefront of all that you do, you will completely fail in your business.

Which business people? Imagine two people. They have the same exact product. Same prices. Same marketing materials. Same business plan. Same distribution. Everything the same. Except for the person selling the product and running the business.

How could that be? What possible business is there where there could be not only two people with the same exact price and product, but hundreds of people with the same exact price and product?

Mary Kay, Arbonne, Avon, Tupperware, ACN, Fortune Hi Tech Marketing, Pre-Paid Legal, Juice Plus, Send Out Cards, Melaleuca ... all the hundreds of direct or "network marketing" companies.

Every person with every one of these companies has the same distribution, price, and product. The only reason you would do business with one person in the same company and not another is either: 1) you met them first or 2) you know, like and trust that person more than the other.

And you'll only stay with the first person you met as long as you develop the relationship. If your Mary Kay lady sells you once, then disappears and you need lipstick, any one of the representatives you know can get you the product. Why would you hunt down your original Mary Kay lady unless you knew, liked and trusted her more than you valued your convenience? If she hasn't created that relationship, no sweat. You can get the same exact price and product from someone you hope you'll be able to trust to stick around in the future.

So what makes the difference in whether or not you (as a direct/network marketer) will get the business?

Do they know, like and trust you?

YOU! Your personality, the way you make other people feel, your consistency and reliability, the number of people who know you, having people like you enough to refer you. These are the ONLY ways you are going to be able to distinguish your business from someone else in your company.

You'd better hope to hell that you've got this figured out. Or that you are well on your way to figuring it out. In a choice between learning more about your product or spending time developing your likeability (read Tim Sanders), getting better known, and becoming trustworthy forget about the product knowledge. People will forgive the details (come on, you've got catalogs, websites, and uplines) if you're nice. You're better off being super nice and friendly even if you don't know the details on the third iteration of the upline value proposition for the compensation plan. Tiziana Casciaro and Miguel Sousa Lobo proved it in their 2005 study titled "Competent Jerks, Lovable Fools, and the Formation of Social Networks." People would rather work with someone who didn't really do a good job, but who were really nice. And it didn't matter how good you were at the work if you were a jerk.

Since there's "only" 15 million people in the U.S. who are involved in network marketing, "know, like and trust" can't be that important, can it?

Oh wait. My brain just told me there might be a few other business people who have a similar situation: insurance agents, stockbrokers, real estate agents, mortgage lenders, grocery stores, franchises...

Do you now have a more urgent sense of the importance of getting known, becoming likable and developing trust?

Better pick up a couple of Bob Burg's books.

Better subscribe to my free weekly newsletter "The Networking Motivator."

Better do something ...

Two Major Ideas from The Time of Your Life

2010-03-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

Last week Arsen Marsoobian made his platform speaking debut at an event called "The Time of Your Life is Now." There was incredible array of speakers including Les Brown, Lynn Rose and Jeff Eben. It was a great time and I had two "slap-yourself-in-the-forehead-networking-moments"... and of course I'll share them with you.

Les Brown has been named one of the top 5 speakers in the world by Toastmasters International. He has received the National Speakers Association rare and prestigious "Golden Gavel" award and he is a best-selling author. Les' rate is $30,000 for a keynote speech. Not the slightest bit of offense to Arsen, but I couldn't figure out how in the world he was going to be able to make enough on the event to cover Les' fee, much less all the other amazing speakers who were on the stage, plus the cost of renting the Saroyan Theater for a full day.

Maybe Arsen already had a thousand tickets sold. Maybe he was independently wealthy. Maybe he had massive sponsorship. I didn't know, but I wasn't going to question the chance to see Les Brown and all the other speakers up close and in person.

So how did he do it? How did Arsen afford the 30k to bring Les Brown to Fresno?

He didn't. Mamie Brown's baby boy did it for free. Zero. Nothing. You know why?

Networking. Les likes Arsen. That's all. They met at a speaker training event where Arsen was the learner and Les one of the presenters. Arsen had a huge dream to bring an event to Fresno full of amazing speakers (including himself). Les, Lynn Rose and the other speakers were so charmed by Arsen that they agreed to do it.

Never, ever doubt the power of networking. In this case, one relationship was worth $30,000, the launch of a speaking career and an opportunity for the people in Fresno to see presentations they never otherwise would have.

Next time you think you've got to meet 50 people to make your networking event worthwhile, remember Arsen. It took just one new friend to make it all worthwhile.

The other take-away for me was also networking related (surprise!). Speaker after speaker talked about the value of relationships. They quoted a study that said your income is within 10% of the income of the five people you spend the most time with. Other studies have suggested that obesity is contagious; if your friends are overweight, it's likely you will be too. You are defined by the company you keep.

If your friends are fat and poor, it's still okay to love them. But maybe it's time to add some new friends to the mix. Don't feel bad; if you get richer and thinner, you'll increase the average for everyone and help pull your friends up too.

But how do you find the kind of people who are going to encourage and push you to greater accomplishments?

Networking! Of course. You can tailor your efforts to find people you're interested in spending time with. You might even find that some of them want to spend time with you ;-)

Photos (top to bottom): Beth and Les Brown, Beth and Jeff Eben, Beth and Michelle Prince.

Derailed! What I'm Doing to Get Back on Track

2010-03-16T20:58:00.000-07:00

It's official. I spent almost all of February being sick. I know a lot of other people who've been in the same boat. For me, the worst part about it is that it completely halted my exercise program and put several writing projects on the shelf. It has the potential to be very discouraging. Lost! An entire month with nothing to show for it except for sore ribs from all the coughing.

What to do? As I see it, there are only two choices. Give up and sit on my sofa eating Pringles until I weigh 500 pounds or...

Get back on track!

Get back to working out every day, even if it's just 6 minutes of strength-building exercises. Get back to writing every day whether it's the blog, articles or just a little bit of editing. Get back to eating healthful foods instead of eating for comfort (mmm, Pringles).

First thing I do is not get discouraged. It's a horrible emotion. Dissect the word: "dis" is a Latin prefix that means "apart" or "away" or having a negative or reversing effect; "courage" is a quality of mind or spirit that lets you face fear, difficulties, or unexpected changes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution.

Being discouraged means you've lost self-confidence and now you can't face the inevitable ups and downs of life. Gosh, the next step is hopelessness and I absolutely don't want to go there.

One part of getting back on track is realizing that it's a normal part of life. This wasn't the first time it happened and it won't be the last. Nothing goes straight up forever. Ask stock brokers.

Even world-class atheletes like Lance Armstrong don't expect to get infinitely better every single day. They take breaks so that they can come back even stronger. So I tell myself, "Hey, I'll come back refreshed with a new enthusiasm for exercise and writing because I haven't been able to do it in so long."

I also don't expect to get back to where I was, expecially with working out, in just a few days. In fact, trying to run two miles today would probably kill me. I'd cough up a lung in the first few running steps. So I've got to start slow. Just enough to rebuild the habit. It takes 21 days to create a new habit or break an old one. I've got to break the old "habit" of not exercising and then reestablish the new one. Figure 42 days or six weeks to really get back to where I was before I got off track.

Therefore, patience is the final key. In another week, I might be up to 15 minutes of brisk walking, not where I want to be, but a lot closer than I was.

I'm also looking on the bright side. The enforced rest has helped my very sore shoulder get much better. The break from writing has given me a better perspective and perhaps will release a new flood of creativity. And, for a couple weeks, I ate whatever I wanted!

Now, back to reality of a little bit of exercise, a lot less chips and chocolate, and a lot more keyboarding.

I'm looking forward to it.

Photo from Flickr courtesy of AussieGall

More Persuasive Coffee with Kevin Hogan

2010-03-03T12:50:00.000-08:00

Today he's actually drinking green tea. Every week Kevin Hogan, body language and persuasion expert, sends out an email newsletter. For three weeks in a row, there's been something in it that is fantastic for everyone who wants to network for better results. How about we just make it a regular thing? He sends out the email and I blog about it, okay?

I can sum up this week's persuasive point in one small word: shh! Kevin says the reason we lose sales, lose people's attention and don't get the cooperation we're looking for is that we talk too much. Have you ever talked yourself out of a sale? I know I have.

And yet, he cites a study that looked at how willing people were to help a stranger. When they sat in a room together for just a few minutes, the helping rate was about 50%. When there was a conversation, the helping rate was ... about 50%. Just the familiarity of sitting together made people willing to help someone else! Not a word was said and they were still willing.

The practical application of this in networking depends on something called "oscillation." People generally decide subconsciously what they are going to do in the less than the first minute. But then they go back and forth between yes and no. The more you talk, the more likely you are to "help" them decide against what you're asking them to do. In networking, you're "asking" them to trust and like you. If you dominate the conversation, pound them with a sales pitch, and don't let them talk about their own interests, you've lost that trust and liking. You'll have to work harder to gain it back.

I think I've said enough! What's your take on this idea?

Related posts:
Does Admitting a Weakness Strengthen the Relationship
Why You Should be Sharing Your Favorite Things, Hobbies & Interests with Other People

Photo from Flickr courtesy of Desirée Delgado

Does Admitting a Weakness Strengthen the Relationship?

2010-02-21T19:32:00.000-08:00

Once again, Kevin Hogan, author and body language expert, has hit a home run for the networking team. After showing us a few weeks ago how important it is to seek out something in common with people, Kevin now points out that there's research showing it is incredibly important to share our weaknesses with people. It takes down the other person's defenses and shows you to be honest. A better and faster rapport is developed. People who use this approach in business sell 2 to 3 times more than those who try to appear perfect.

Let me state for the record that I am a complete kitchen klutz. Not only can I not cook, but I have burned myself, scorched pans and generally made a mess out of the food. I am absolutely banned from using sharp knives and if I do pick one up, my husband usually says "Put it down, you're making me nervous." There's a family history; Grandma got 7 stitches once by dropping a knife in the garbage disposal. (photo courtesy of Ongushi on Flickr)

The research that Kevin Hogan referred to is called the Omega Strategy, Persuasion by Removing Resistance and was developed by Dr. Eric Knowles. You can learn a little bit more about it on his website, but the main point is that there are different kinds of resistance. Each one requires a different approach to overcome.

Why is this important for networkers? Because you're trying to build credibility (NO selling!) when you network. Even if you're a laid-back, no pressure, get to know them first kind of networker, there is resistance in their mind. They are waiting for the other shoe to drop because they've been "chatted up" too many times in preparation for the big pitch.

Do you think it might be useful to learn how to get past that resistance when you network?

Oh, by the way, I would also absent-mindedly leave half-empty cups of tea all over the house if JD didn't keep track of them.

Where are You on Their Loyalty Ladder? … and How to Move Up

2010-02-16T08:38:00.000-08:00

I had coffee this weekend with my friend and book coach, Jill Hendrickson. She asked if we could meet at Fig Garden Village. Anywhere that I wanted, as long as it was in Fig Garden. Given the option to pick the location for a coffee meeting, how do you choose where to meet?

I call it my “Loyalty Ladder.” At the very top of the ladder are Clovis Chamber members. If given the choice of where to meet, I’ll pick a chamber member. If there aren’t any chamber members within the area, then the next rung down is locally owned. After that, the loyalty goes to a variety of businesses: healthy food choices, recommended by a friend, or positive perception. And of course, location and convenience have to come into play. I’ve had coffee at Starbucks because they are everywhere including halfway between wherever my business connection and I are coming from.

Here’s my “Loyalty Ladder.” I prefer to do business with the first one on the list. If that’s not available, then the next one, not available, then the next one, etc.

Clovis Chamber member
then
Locally owned
then
Recommended (or preferred) by a friend
then
Previous experience
then
Small business
then
Only place with the product
then
Whatever is available

Where are you on the “Loyalty Ladder” of your customers? Do you want your business to be the source of last resort? Or are you their first choice, whenever possible? Are you in a particular category that is appealing to a certain group? For example, I’m guessing that people who drive Prius’ prefer to do business with green companies. NASCAR fans will buy from companies that sponsor their driver.

Do you notice one thing about my personal “Loyalty Ladder?” You can move up it by being recommended by a friend. If I have the choice of two businesses, one that I know nothing of and the other that has been mentioned, of course I’ll go for the latter. Sure, quality of product and cost of their service comes into play. But unless prices are wildly different, I’ll still go with the business where I feel like I have some kind of relationship with them. If you’ve got a product that is very similar to someone else product and price isn’t a factor, what is going to move you higher up the ladder than your competition? The quality of the relationship you have with the customer.

I do business with Chamber members because I usually know them and I like them because they choose to support my organization and the community. I do business with locally owned companies because even though I might not know the owner, I feel more connected to them because they are from the same town. People want to do business with people and businesses that they know, like and trust. Networking and building personal relationships with people can move you up their ladder.

Get out there and start climbing!

Why You Should be Sharing Your Favorite Things, Hobbies & Interests With Other People

2010-02-10T20:40:00.000-08:00

Finally, a great answer to the dismissive attitude that sharing your personal preferences with other people is a waste of time from Kevin Hogan, body language and persuasion expert, author and speaker publishes a weekly newsletter called “Coffee with Kevin Hogan!”

In this week’s video newsletter, Kevin talks about a study on finding out what persuades people to help a relative stranger. I suggest you listen for yourself, but here’s the bottom line that I took away from it:

The more specific, unusual or rare thing you have in common with someone, the more likely they are to help you and think positively of you.

It doesn’t have to be a big thing. In the study, something as little as having a birthday in common was enough to make huge changes in the rate of people willing to help.

How can you apply this to your networking and business relationship building efforts? There is no such thing as meaningless small talk! When you ask questions, you’re learning about their hobbies, background and preferences. Somewhere along the way, you are going to discover something in common. That one maybe little thing is going to move the relationship forward.

Why should you care? As Bob Burg teaches us: All things being equal, people prefer to do business with people they know, like and trust.

Think you don’t have something in common with another person? You never, ever know what connection you might have.

On Tuesday, I presented to a group of professional people who are in job searches. Afterward I started talking to a man name Vernon. He’s new to town, moved here from Austin, Texas and before that, he lived in Atlanta. No way we have something in common, right? Wrong. He’s in Fresno because his wife grew up in a small town in the nearby foothills. The same small town that I grew up in. She went to the elementary school where my dad taught. I guarantee that her younger brothers remember my dad.

Do you think I feel connected to Vernon? You betcha. I hope he feels the same way about me. I look forward to building a professional networking relationship with him … because his wife and I grew up in the same town.

How about that as a case for small talk!

My Five Secrets to Success with Membership in the Fresno Women’s Network

2010-01-11T21:27:00.000-08:00

I have used these five strategies to gain tremendous benefits from my membership in the Fresno Women’s Network.

Longevity

I first joined the network nearly 10 years ago. That’s almost half the lifetime of the FWN. Even if you just joined today, you too can have longevity. Just stick around for the rest of the decade. By 2020, you’ll have been involved for a third of the lifetime of the network.

Consistency

I joined the network and then I stayed a member and showed up on a regular basis. When you’re consistent, you become trusted. People want to do business with people they know, like and trust. They have to see you around to get to know you.

Visibility

I was encouraged to sign up for a committee when I first joined. From the PR committee, I became the first chairwoman of the Website committees. The Fresno Women’s Network has a plethora of committees. By joining a committee you become visible to the entire membership of the network.

Consanguinity

I have a strong affinity and a close connection to the members of the network because we all have something in common. Besides being women, we also all value networking and relationships. That’s what consanguinity means, having a close relationship or connection. Networking is easier with people you already have a connection to.

Hilarity

I can always count on a happy meeting and a good laugh with my friends at the network. For example, during a recent meeting, I posted a picture to Facebook. On my way to the ladies room, another member teased me about Facebooking during the meeting. Wait a minute - there was only one way she would have known that! I still laugh about that one. Sharing laughter and humor brings us closer together. And it gives us strength when we have to share the tears.

Thank you for letting me be part of such a wonderful organization. I wish all of you the same success with the Fresno Women’s Network.

P.S. This also works for any other organization you might be interested in, such as the Clovis Chamber of Commerce.

You're on my Team ... and You Don't Even Know It

2010-01-05T20:29:00.000-08:00

At risk of sounding hopelessly uncool by using ancient slang: I wouldn't be where I am without my "peeps." You know... my people. The excellent friends, contacts, and business partners who help me get stuff done.

The experts tell you "have a team" and "build your system by outsourcing." I used to think I had do it all myself because I couldn't afford to pay someone to do things. And that I should be able to do it on my own.

I know better now. I have an extensive team of people who help me get things done, maintain things, and learn stuff.

Funny part is that many of them don't know that I consider them to be part of my "team." And they are people you might not normally think would be part of a business person's team. But anyone who uses their expertise to provide a service that I need regularly, and who does it in a way that saves me time, effort or even money... they are part of my team.

The people I work with at the Clovis Chamber (of course), the Ambassadors Committee (of course), and my husband (of course). But also on my team? Sophia, who cuts my hair. Jill Hendrickson, who is my book coach. Siran, who runs Orphan Annies. And my new best friends forever? The ladies at Sunny Chinese Massage at First and Bullard (ahhh, good-bye stiff neck).

I think it's important to think of people who help you and provide services as "being on your team." It reminds you of how interconnected we all are. And you'll treat people in a way that is different in a really positive way that they might not be able to put their finger on, but they'll appreciate.

Are you secretly on my team? If I treat you good, you probably are!

Thanks Team.

Every Day is Today ... Resolution Day, That Is

2010-01-01T10:00:00.000-08:00

On New Years Day, there are two kinds of people: those who make resolutions and those who don't. Is this a form of the continuing battle between optimists and pessimists? Is is a triumph of hope over experience? Or are the people who make resolutions just doing what I do almost every day?

Although I don't make resolutions, New Years Day is still a favorite holiday of mine. There's a sense of renewal, a feeling of refreshment, and a chance to begin anew. If I feel that way about it, why don't I make resolutions? Because I try to resolve every day.

They're not "resolutions" to me. They are goals and principals; strategies and plans. I don't make new ones every day - you can't pile that many on. Those that I do make, I review almost every single day.

But I still really enjoy the feeling of New Years Day. I try to soak it up so I can wring out a bit of this feeling all year long. Here's to a great 2010!

How about you? Optimist or pessimist? Resolutions or not?

I Got a "Hit and Run" Thank You-ing

2009-12-29T17:56:00.000-08:00

I got a thank you call at the office this afternoon from a woman who is part of the Central Valley Professionals Job Club. It felt like a friendly "hit and run" because she identified herself, thanked me, told me how encouraged she was by me and then she was done. The whole thing took maybe two minutes. Out of the blue. How nice was that.

I speak at CVP once a month to encourage the job seekers to get themselves out there and network. Since it's a discouraging time to be unemployed, I try to be as energetic as possible. I'm also not afraid to be a little silly and make them laugh. And of course, I try to give them the mostly usefully helpful information possible while encouraging them as much as I can.

Sometimes even I feel a little disheartened at seeing some of the same faces each month. I like seeing them, just not in this context.

So the phone call was validation and a little return on investment. She told me that she appreciated my encouragement. It helped her keep going. She just knew that she would be finding a job soon.

I know she will, too, with that attitude.

Would you PLEASE Join Toastmasters (before I listen to another one of your teleseminars)

2009-11-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

I enjoy listening to free, archived online teleseminars. Especially while I'm doing repetitive database work. I'll do a search for whatever topic I'm interested in, plus the words free and teleseminars.

There are a lot of them out there. I recommend you do the same so you can take advantage of these great opportunities to learn. Why are there so many out there? They are a powerful way for speakers, coaches, and authors to promote themselves, their services, and their books.

Except when they can't speak.

I've listed to some where the presenter peppers their information with uh, um, you know, and, uhhhhh. But I haven't listed for long. The greatest, most useful, and helpful information in the world is not going to be useful to anyone if the message is not delivered well.

Please, please get some objective feedback from a trained evaluator. Your nearest Toastmasters club will be happy to provide one.

If your speech is studded throughout with those conversation stoppers, please, please join Toastmasters. And then I promise to listen to all your teleseminars.

How I Become Uncomfortable with my Networking

2009-10-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

I attended the Fresno Women's Network meeting this Tuesday, as I do nearly every month. Much to my surprise, I felt a little bit awkward. It was an uncomfortable feeling and it seemed like I was having to work harder than usual. This isn't normal for me. I network frequently and feel comfortable, especially among my friends at the FWN.

What was the difference this time? I had been out (a combination of illness and vacation) for nearly three weeks. Not only was I gone from work, but I didn't check email, take voice messages or even think about work during that time. I was "rusty." I had to get back in the groove and get my mind wrapped around work and networking again.

Do you find yourself uncomfortable at networking events? Let me suggest that it may simply be from taking too much time between activities. If you were going to learn the piano, you wouldn't go weeks between practice sessions. Or if you did, you wouldn't be surprised that your next session needed a lot of backtracking and review.

Networking is a skill like any other. Wouldn't it make sense that you would need to be a regular and consistent networker in order to keep your abilities working well, much less improving?

Robin Roberts at the Central California Women's Conference in Fresno

2009-09-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to the organizers of the Central California Women's Conference in Fresno for yet another hugely successful event.

Robin Roberts, co-anchor of ABC's Good Morning America, was the keynote speaker. I have to admit that I didn't know who she was because I don't watch network TV news, but her message, of course, appealed to everyone in the audience.

She focused on messages in her book. The one that I found most interesting and useful was her first one: Position yourself to take the shot. More specifically, she says that "Proximity is power."

Networking is all about putting yourself in a position to interact and work with other people in a way that strengthens your reputation and builds relationships. Position yourself to be in a place where you can help other people. Find places to go where it will put you in proximity to the kind of people you can help... and who can help you.

Where can you go that will put you in proximity to people who need you?

Business Owner Asks: How to Connect with Target Market

2009-09-14T14:53:00.000-07:00

Rob Johnson, owner and operator of Fitness Together, a personal training business, asked a great question of one of our Clovis Chamber Ambassadors. He's looking for a resource that could help him connect with local Clovis businesses to take part in their Corporate Wellness Program. He said he needs to find businesses that understand, or are open to learning, the importance of how fitness can affect the work place.

Here's how and why networking can help him achieve this goal.

He says he's "looking for businesses that understand or are open to learning the importance of how fitness can affect the work place." That's good because it's specific. It's also good because it describes a company in a way that can be recognized by people within the company and by people who work closely with that company. This is much better than asking your contacts if they know anyone who wants to do business with your company. How can someone know that? But I can be aware if a company has (or wants to have) a culture of encouraging health and fitness in their employees.

The problem is that there is no mailing list for those kinds of companies. There is no publication where he could advertise for that (Okay, there are some related publications and mailing lists that could probably find them...the problem is that there are maybe a few hundred of them in Clovis and maybe more in Fresno, but he'd have to buy much larger lists and spend a lot in advertising to reach those specific people.)

So I believe his best option is to get out there and network. But to do it very, very specifically and deliberately. If I were him, I'd start with a list of my current clients and find out where they work. Then I would ask them if they are encouraged by their company to do this. Try to discover if there is a culture of fitness in the company as a whole. That person who works out with him could be the conduit to the entire company.

Then I would find out if there are any commonalities in the companies that his clients represent. Do they tend to be medical offices? Insurance companies? Small, medium, large? Then seek out those who most closely represent them. You can do this in two ways: cold call (not a bad strategy, but more time consuming and you may burn some bridges on the way) or search your personal network for people who are connected to companies that represent your target market. If there is an industry that is particularly good, search for organizations and groups (such as NAIFA or NAHREP). You have no idea how many of these kinds of groups meet in this area until you start looking for them.

He could also make a wish list of companies that he thinks would be a good target market. Search LinkedIn to find friends of friends. Use your networking activities to ask for connections within those specific companies you want to target. Get ideas from other people on the approaches you might take (for example, HR departments might be a good place to start).

Large generic events such as Clovis Chamber mixers might still be beneficial if you vow to work the room quickly and specifically looking for people who are your target market, asking for referrals or ideas from those who aren't. But the most beneficial networking method is going to be working that telephone and burning the social media midnight oil.

Okay, readers, do you have any more suggestions and advice for our fitness business owner?

Networking Etiquette Question: What should she have done?

2009-09-01T20:00:00.000-07:00

My friend Dr. Treva Diana Lee wrote me a note on Facebook that was a bit of a take on "Dear Abby," regarding a networking situation she experienced. Okay Dr. Treva, I think this is a fun game and I will play! I'm also looking for comments from (maybe, if we're lucky) Bob Burg and Tiffany Smith Nielson who is an etiquette expert.

Dr. Treva wrote:

I was at a networking event last week and with what I thought was accepted practice was offering my card while also offering to shake hands. Much to my chagrin, one gentleman declined to shake hands and handed back my card saying he had no need for what I had to offer I was rather taken aback by his rudeness and wondering how do we make the unwritten rules of networking etiquette more widely known?

Signed,
Embarrassed

Dr. Treva, don't be embarrassed. At least not for you. The gentleman in question did not handle the situation very well. In North America, the convention is to shake hands when offered. To refuse without a reason ("I have a cold" or "I've got an injured finger") is not polite. The act of handing back your card is also not very polite.

You didn't do anything wrong, so the best course of action for you was to just ignore his behavior and move on. It was not a good strategy on his part to reject your hand or your card. He may have just severed a potential relationship that could have been beneficial to you both.

Here is one thing that is a personal preference of mine: I generally don't offer my business card on immediately meeting someone. I wait until they ask for it. And, for me, the important thing is not necessarily to have them get my card, but for me to get their card. Who knows what they'll do with my card? But I know what I can do with theirs.

If someone tells me about their service and offers me their card, I will take it. Even if, for example, I met you and I didn't need your services because I have a dentist that I am happy with, I would still take your card because you never know who I know who might need your services. Or maybe I want to stay in touch because of other talents, connections, or interests that you have.

How do we make the tenants of good networking more widely known? Share this blog with other people and subscribe to my weekly newsletter :-)

How to Escape Conversations at Networking Events

2009-08-31T20:48:00.000-07:00

The implication in the title is that it is a conversation that we want to get away from. Usually it's when we are pinned down by someone's who has gone straight to the sales pitch. Once in a while it's when the conversation has turned to a topic that's uncomfortable to us.

Most if us are very polite and will not interrupt the other person. Most of us think that we're supposed to listen to whatever the other person has to say. Most of us think we shouldn't take control of the conversation's direction.

Most of us are willing to give away our profits.

What?! Give away our profits? No, of course we don't want to give away our profits. But when you let someone ramble on about their product or service, when you don't step far enough out of your comfort zone to direct the conversation, and when you don't focus on your purpose for attending a networking event, then you are giving away your profits.

You need to find two-way connections. People that can help you and whom you can help. Your time is best spent in building mutually beneficial relationships.

Most of the conversation that takes place at networking events is fishing. People are randomly casting out their bait, hoping for a bite. Ever watch someone fish? It's very slow and time consuming.

You don't have time to go fishing. You need to be specific about what you want to accomplish. Spending time listening to other people "fish" is not going to make you money, or find the contacts you need to grow your business.

So ... does the thought that you are losing out on opportunities, missing vital contacts, and letting someone else "fish" on your time make it a little easier for you to be willing to interrupt someone and take control of the conversation in a way that will benefit you both?

I Met Three Amazing Women in 24 Hours

2009-08-27T20:20:00.001-07:00

I've learned a couple things this week. First, having five meetings in a day pretty much precludes you from getting anything else done. Second, I am privileged to know some incredible women. I wanted you to know just a little bit about these wonderful people whom I had the chance to spend time with in such a short period this week.

Friend and former Clovis Chamber member Tracy Barnes came in to rejoin with her business, Premier Bride. She and business partner Kristy Montgomery started with the magazine Premier Bride, added a bridal show, a second city version of the Premier Bride magazine, a third and original magazine called "His" and now they are opening the Premier Bridge Wedding Center. They have sold His Magazine to a local entrepreneur, but they still run all the other businesses with just two people.

In addition to this budding empire, Tracy has two children, one is just barely two. She is also very creative and has had to slow herself down with all the ideas that she's had for expanding their business. One thing at a time, Tracy! I don't know how Tracy and Kristy do all of this, but now that they are back in the Chamber, I'll be studying their techniques.

The next morning, I had a phone conversation with Lisa Marie Platske, who very graciously gave me her time even though we've only met in person once (although we've maintained contact via email). She gave me great advice, based on her personal experience, but she said one thing in particular that is going to stick with me:

It's not about starting big,
it's about just starting and having a big plan.

Isn't it obvious that someone who wrote a book called "Designing your Destiny" would think like this?

And finally, I met with Jill Hendrickson, who is also an author. We "met" on Twitter, then she attended the Prosperity Forum last week. Jill has traveled extensively and we both have a great passion for the food and culture of Japan, where she lived and worked for 10 years. She also spent a great deal of time traveling and living in Italy, which was the inspiration for her book "Lose Weight, Italian Style!" Jill has an extensive journalism background, so she felt very comfortable with the writing. Now, it's time for her to step out of her comfort zone and do the marketing and networking. Can it be "out of your comfort zone" if you seem to be so comfortable with it? It seems to me that Jill will be learning this new skill very quickly.

I've just started reading the book, but I really appreciate her perspective in just this little bit. It is definitely less a "diet" book and much more about a luxurious culinary lifestyle.

I hope all of you will take the time to learn more about the businesses of these incredible women. Perhaps you'll be fortunate and meet them some day.

What is a Networked Cold-Call? And How do We Handle It?

2009-08-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

A “networked cold-call” is a promotional message, sales pitch or invitation that comes through networking channels.

It’s like getting a direct marketing piece in the mail except that a networked cold-call is much more awkward to deal with if you’re not interested. Got a direct mail pitch? Not interested in the product or service? Just toss the catalog, letter, or postcard in the mail and no one is the wiser.

Even a cold-call that comes over the phone seems to be easier to deal with. Either you’re interested or not, but no one has any kind of emotional investment in the conversation. You tell them “No, thank you” and then you end the call. Unless you are someone who takes telemarketing calls personally.

Photo courtesy of VLima.com from Flickr

And that’s what I think makes “networked cold-calling” so uncomfortable. It’s delivered personally, either face-to-face at a networking event or through messaging channels on the social media sites. And it’s probably someone you don’t really know, but they know someone you know or you’ve met them at a networking event and exchanged a few words. So now it feels personal in that there's no separation. If you're not interested, it feels like you are rejecting them. Most people don't like to do that in person.

What do you say? How do you respond? Do you respond when it comes through the social media channels? I’m no expert, I’ve certainly made a few blunders in this area, but here are a few thoughts on handling it:

You can ignore sales pitches that come via DM in Twitter. It’s probably an autoresponder and there’s no one real on the other end. They are throwing tons of spaghetti to see what sticks.
I’m experiencing less message selling on Facebook, except for event invitations that come through the groups I’ve joined. I signed up for the groups because I wanted to know what’s going on, but if you don’t like the messages, just drop out of the group. And if someone is a relentless promoter, you can hide all their messages.
LinkedIn seems to be a challenge but I think you should take these messages seriously, especially if they are personalized. Respond as graciously as you can, but make sure you respect the salesperson’s time by making it clear that you are not interested.
Face to face at a networking event. This is the hardest one of all. There is a range of techniques, from passive aggressive (agree the whole time but don’t do anything) to passive (just blank stare) to educational (invite them to participate in a Little Miracles PAK).

I’m interested in your thoughts, of course and I’ll have another post later this week going into more detail on handling face to face “networked cold calling.” (If you don’t want to miss the post, sign up for Google Reader and subscribe to my RSS feed.)

Why Do We Feel Compelled to Change the Name?

2009-08-23T13:11:00.000-07:00

Has networking been so ruined, so misused, and so misapplied that we've got to change the name? Or is it just marketing? Why do experienced, well-known writers, bloggers and speakers need to find euphemisms for networking? It's called "connecting" or "networlding" or other names. Sometimes there is simply a refusal to call networking by its name.

I find it funny because selling and sales and salespeople also have a bad reputation, but I don't see the same tendency to try to rename or reframe the activity. Am I missing some metaphors for sales and selling? I'm curious if you can think of one ...

Are We Obligated to Meet Everyone?

2009-08-18T20:27:00.001-07:00

I recently encountered the opinion that we should be willing to meet with anyone who asks for a meeting, because we never know what kind of opportunities will open up.

At first, I thought "maybe". I could see where you could want to be open to anyone who approaches you. As an avid networker, I really shouldn't turn down any opportunities.

Then I came to my senses.

We all have a lot of demands on our time. While we can be open to serendipitous meetings, we can't allow others to dictate how we choose to spend it. If I met with everyone who wanted to meet with me to tell me about their product or business opportunity, I would have a full time job listening to them. Some day I'll tell you about Jay Petersen's diabolical plan to address those who want to pitch him.

There are obligations we must meet, including our employers' expectations, the needs of our families, and a little bit of sleep. We've got to have priorities that also include those people we have already established relationships with and those who are our targeted markets.

Can you expect to demand someone's time and be disappointed or upset when they don't oblige you? Good networking skills require us to make an investment in the other person first, before we can ask for something from them. Thinking that our need for their time indebts them to us is akin to taking a negative response to a cold-call personally.

If you want someone's time, you've got to make sure there is value in it for them, not just for yourself. That is a fundamental rule of networking. Give first before you ask for something as precious, fleeting, and irreplaceable as their time.

Survey: Networking is Top Tool for Job Seekers

2009-08-17T15:10:00.000-07:00

It's not surprising to me that networking is considered to be an effective job seeking strategy. But a survey released today says that human resource professionals consider it to be the most effective of any strategies. The survey, conducted by an outplacement firm, asked the HR executives to rate a number of job search strategies on a scale of 1 to 5 (one is least effective, five is most). On average, they scored networking at a four. Sending out resumes, the "tried and true" method, scored less than true. And, justification for you Twitter addicts: social networking ranked second highest.

Guess what, job seekers? Send less time sending nearly anonymous resumes and spend more time meeting new people and more time exploring the connections of your best contacts. And use the internet social media sites to enhance your in-person efforts.

While it's a bit of a stretch to apply this to small business owners (especially those in multi-level or direct marketing companies), I'm going to make a connection anyway.

Sending out resumes is like sending out direct mail pieces. You might have researched your targets, narrowing down a certain segment or conducting research that indicates they might be a good prospect, but it's still an impersonal effort.

Job fairs (which ranked the worst) are like cold-calling. You and 50 other people are trying to get the attention of just a few employers or potential buyers. Cold-calling requires thick skin and a willingness to put in a lot of work to make the numbers add up.

Networking on the other hand, means that your efforts are extremely targeted. Someone is recommending you, vouching for you. You're not a faceless resume or cold-call. You're someone's referral or a friend of a friend who can be trusted.

And just like job searching, it's important that networking is not your only job search or business promotion activity. Treat it as your flagship effort, but back it up with other activities so that you don't depend on one facet of a job search or business promotion effort.

For the full article, visit
http://www.centralvalleybusinesstimes.com/stories/001/?ID=12816

You Have to Want the Results Badly Enough

2009-08-11T21:24:00.000-07:00

We've been talking about motivating ourselves to network. It's hard these days to make ourselves do one more thing, even if we know it's something good for us. It's even harder if we're not a huge fan of networking. Now, if you hate networking, that's another issue and you've got a harder task. Let's assume that you are okay with networking, but you don't love it just for the sake of doing it. So if you're not extra-enthusiastic, how do you motivate yourself to network?

You don't have to love the process, you just have to love, want, and need the results.

Who likes to diet? But we all love fitting into a smaller size and feeling healthier.

Lots of people don't really enjoy getting sweaty and out-of-breath from exercise, but they do enjoy getting stronger, improving their quality of life and maybe fitting into that pair of pants in the back of the closet.

Maybe you don't really want to get up and go to work every day, but you strongly desire the result of having money to pay for a place to live and food for your children.

Again, if you hate work, or networking, or exercising, it's going to be less fun and harder to motivate yourself. But if you want the positive results badly enough, you'll do it. And it could eventually make the path to getting there a lot less unpleasant. Who knows, you might even enjoy the process some day.

Wisdom from Jay Petersen, Head Geek in Charge

2009-08-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

I had the excellent experience of spending a little one-on-one time with Jay this afternoon. If you don't know Jay, check out his company website here and make sure to check out the blog which is full of helpful computer maintenance and prevention tips.

As always, it was a free-ranging conversation covering many topics, but we always have to include a little bit of networking analysis. We were talking about people who treat networking as if it were cold-calling. You know the approach. The moment you're introduced, they start giving you a presentation about their product. Next thing you know, you've been invited to an event, a demo, or given a link to a site with a "short video."

This is usually the result of over eagerness, pressure from above, or a misunderstanding of networking that leads them to think that networking is about selling. You can't blame someone for not having the experience to realize that pitching someone on the first meeting is probably going to close a future door. And rarely does anyone clue them in on their approach. It's a trap that even experienced networkers fall into occasionally. We find a sympathetic or even interested-seeming ear and we go into sales mode.

And yet we get annoyed or self-righteous when our overture is rejected? Here's the wise observation from Mr. Jay:

If you use an impersonal approach in networking, you can't take their response (positive or negative) personally.

So if you cold-call, or give a sales pitch on the first meeting, you cannot take it personally if you don't get the response you want. You didn't make it person-to-person or face-to-face or friend-to-friend. You made it an impersonal sales presentation because you didn't bother to get to know about their needs or wants. You just presented to a warm body who stood still long enough to listen. If they treat you like a telemarketer who called during dinner, you can't blame them.

Jay and I have a mutual friend, Dale Bierce who represents Sandler Sales Training in the Central Valley of California. Dale is a tremendous source of sales wisdom. He teaches us that we have to become emotionally tough in selling. You're just in a role and that you have to work on this aspect of your attitude if you are going to be successful in sales. If you're going to treat your networking as if it were a sales forum, then you must learn this lesson.

I prefer to make it personal first by getting to know people. Of course, you still can't take success or rejection personally, but that's a topic for another day.

More on Motivating Yourself to Network

2009-08-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

In thinking more about yesterday's post on motivating yourself, I have a couple more thoughts.

If you're still having a hard time getting yourself to go to a networking event or participating in any kind of deliberate network building activities, you've got to find more compelling reasons to do the work.

Make a list of every possible benefit. Sit down with a pen and paper and write down every possible benefit, advantage, and prospect you would want to gain from participating in networking. Get detailed. Get imaginative. They may or may not be realistic, but they might be possible.

For example, networking might help you:

Get a new client
Build your reputation
Find an amazing dentist/chiropractor/printer/drycleaner, etc.
Remind someone to send you a referral
Make you a new friend
Find an old friend
Give someone help that saves them a lot of trouble
Impress your boss with something you learn
Meet the love of your life
Help you find a home for the stray cat who showed up on your porch
Find a luncheon group who wants you as a speaker

Except for meeting the love of my life (which I managed on my own, thank you), networking has accomplished all of these things for me and more. But I do know of a couple who has been married 20 years after meeting at a Clovis Chamber event. So they are all possible.

Are any of these appealing to you? Would any of these results be beneficial? Would they be worth the investment of an hour or two? Would accomplishing one of these make you find just a little bit of time and energy?

Getting Motivated to Network

2009-08-06T20:02:00.000-07:00

I promised my newsletter subscribers that I would start talking about the challenges that they face in networking enough to achieve their goals.

One challenge that I've seen in several different forms is being motivated to network or having the desire to attend events.

This is a tough one because if you don't want to go, you will find many excellent and legitimate reasons to avoid networking events. There is so much to do, we're so busy doing so many things, that you could fill every hour with important work which will keep you away from networking.

You are not going to be successful at networking unless you want to do it. And yet you know networking is important to business success, so you sort of want to, but you just can't get motivated enough to quite make it to an event.

My friend Dr. IWannaWanna says it's not enough to "want to" do something, but you have to "want to, want to." I take it as meaning that we all "want to" do stuff like be successful, have a lot of money, etc. but that's not enough. We have to "want to" take some actual action to make these things happen. Dr. IWannaWanna has a very good point. What's funny is that one of the things he doesn't wanna do is network! And I don't think I could talk circles around him fast enough to convince him.

But I don't have to convince him. I don't even have to convince you. You have to do it. So how do you make yourself want to network? I have several methods of convincing myself to do things:

Get to the root reason why. Networking for the sake of networking isn't going to be very inspiring unless you already love it. Networking because your boss told you to isn't going to make you like it either. But, do you networking because you want to grow your business, because you have a young family you want to support? Providing for your children is a compelling reason.
Trick yourself. This is how I get in a lot of exercise. I tell myself, "just five minutes and then you can quit." By that time I've gotten warmed up and feel like doing a little more. Tell yourself, "I'll just talk to one person and then I'll leave." Next thing you know, they're cleaning up around you.
Reward yourself. Allow yourself to stop at and see your favorite barista if you go. Let yourself come to work 30 minutes late because you networked late. Treat yourself in some way for putting in the effort.
Team up with a friend. Your friend will be counting on you to meet them there. And, if your friend is shy or introverted, you'll be helping them out by being there to introduce them to people. Having someone else involved keeps you accountable.
Have a specific goal or reason. Just going for the sake of attending isn't going to be as appealing as "looking for a new supplier" or "finding out who's renting the new commercial space."
Get results and keep track of them. Nothing is more motivating than when you start to see the fruits of your labors. And, keep track of your results because its easy to forget them when the days get long and the memory of the great connections gets pushed aside by your busy days.

Is this helpful? Do you have a truly compelling reason to network? Do you have a plan? Are you bringing in outside resources to help yourself?

Tell me about your tricks and what works for you.

Learning from Brian Clark's Authority Rules

2009-08-05T19:12:00.000-07:00

I downloaded a copy of Brian Clark's free ebook Authority Rules (found out about it from Twitter, of course). Very interesting and definitely worth the little bit of reading time it will take to work through this pithy and to-the-point report. It's written in the style of Seth Godin; i.e., it's short but if you work through everything in it, you've got a lot of studying and work to do.

But I had to laugh, because an experience I had today clearly illustrated one of Brian's key points. On page 7 he says

What other people say about you is more important than what you say about yourself.

Tomorrow, the Clovis Chamber Seminar Series will be a hands-on session to set up Twitter accounts for our members. We sent an email out to our members reminding them of the event. One of the emails we got back was from someone who definitely does their homework.

I was listed as the presenter. He went to Twitter and did a search on my name. But all the results he got for "Beth Bridges" were for people who had fewer than 11 followers. I'm thinking he was pretty perplexed at this point wondering why the Chamber seminar was being run by someone who either he couldn't find on Twitter or who had only a few followers.

He sent an email to our Communications Director pointing this out. Of course, she sent the email to me. I thought it was funny, but I appreciated his diligence in wanting to know whether or not I had the authority to be presenting the seminar.

Here's where this blog ties in with Brian Clark's report and the specific quote written above. Instead of sending an email back to the inquirer protesting that I was indeed someone with a decent amount of followers, I asked my friends to reassure the gentleman that, indeed, I did know a few things about Twitter and that I was qualified to teach the seminar. Definitely an attempt (successful, I think) to assure him of my authority by asking other people to confirm it, not just me saying it.

It all worked out very well because one friend pointed out the fallability of Twitter's search function and I admitted that I had made an error in my profile which made it harder for a search to find me. And, my new friend is going to help out with the seminar tomorrow, too.

Several Random Thoughts & Experiences

2009-08-04T21:13:00.000-07:00

Just a few unrelated thoughts and topics.

A Phenomenon that I'm Curious About

Over the last several weeks I've spoken to three different Rotary Clubs. Whenever (and wherever) I speak, I always ask audience members to fill out a very quick and simple three-question survey. I always ask the same way, "Please take just a minute. It's completely anonymous and helps me learn more about networking and improve my presentations."

When I speak to the Central Valley Professionals job club, every person fills it out. When I spoke to real estate agents at Newton & Sons in Dinuba and London Properties in Clovis, every one of them fill it out. But for the Rotary Clubs, fewer than 20% fill out the form.

I truly wonder why? Is there a better way to present it to them? Any ideas for how I can get a better response?

Rediscovering Old Friends

You never know when you're going to run into someone. At London Properties this morning, I started my presentation and finally realized why the gentleman sitting in the front looked so familiar. I had worked for him nearly 20 years ago in my first job out of college. It was an excellent learning experience and I admired the business that he and his partner had built. We caught up just briefly and I'm glad to learn that he's got a great life. And, I realized who he reminds me of (or who reminds me of him); Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall and NewsRadio.

Losing Old Friends

On a sad note. This weekend, long-term active Chamber member Jim Wilson of J&E Business Services passed away unexpectedly. Jim had this gravelly voice that sounded - if you didn't know him - as if he was angry. But he was one of the most even-tempered, straight-forward, no-nonsense people I knew. He was very tall and would stand close and talk right down to me, which I found intimidating until I met his wife. She's shorter than I am, so he must have been used to talking with her! Jim had a guant, Clint Eastwood look until he smiled with a surprisingly boyish grin.

We'll sure miss you Jim.

What I REALLY Said to "Mr. Bad Networker"

2009-07-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, I wrote "Do They Really Think This is Networking?" It was prompted by a message I received on LinkedIn. The imaginary response I wrote in the post was some venting because I receive a lot of these kinds of invitations. But it was also important to make the point that we have to think about the way our invitations are perceived.

I would never actually respond that way to anyone. Of course, if "Mr. Bad Networker" read this blog, then they would probably take it personally. I'd be sorry if that was the case, because it wouldn't be intended that way. And as I told all of you in this follow-up post, I had completely forgotten the source of the email and couldn't even find the original message. Some of you are a little less tender-minded; you said to send what I wrote in the blog!

Either way, I couldn't ignore it. The message was too good a learning opportunity to pass up so I posted it. I got excellent feedback on the points I had made, including a positive comment by Bob Burg, author of Endless Referrals (I checked on Twitter, it is the Bob Burg).

Guess what... I found the original message. And, I had sent them a reply!

Want to know what I really said to Mr Bad Networker's invitation? Here it is.

Hi ****,

Thank you very much for your offer.

I guess we haven't met before? I thought we knew each other from ****.

Are you meeting a lot of people to discuss **** (I'm familiar with the company/product)?

Is LinkedIn working well for you as a marketing tool? I'm really into the Social Networking thing and always curious how other people are using it.

Thanks,
Beth

I think it's an good response. Not committing to anything, but not shutting the door at all. I'm asking them to engage in more dialog. I'm asking questions about our history together. And I'm providing them with a link to what we might have in common.

As far as I can tell, I did not get a response to this message. Perhaps it went awry? Or did they not get the response they wanted? I'm definitely willing to give them the benefit of the doubt ... but then there's more to this story, of course, which I may or may not reveal.

In the meantime, I'm very interested in your opinion of my original response. Was it a good way to handle this kind of request?

Is the Space Time Continuum Affecting Your Networking?

2009-07-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

I used to think that the reason I'd see so many networking friends wherever I went was because I spent too much time networking. Or because Fresno and Clovis are part of a small world. But now I think it has more to do with the space time continuum. Specifically with the effects of massive objects on the space time continuum, which is where gravity comes from.

Illustration from Flickr by Rodrigo Senna

Since the math is incredibly complicated, the History Channel usually uses a sheet of rubber, a bowling ball, and a ping pong ball to explain how a large object (the bowling ball) distorts the fabric of space time (the rubber sheet). Then the smaller object (the ping pong ball) is introduced. If it's sent toward the bowling ball on an angle, it will orbit around until it runs out of energy and is irresistibly drawn into the bowling ball. Here's the video clip.

We (individuals) are the lighter objects. Our favorite groups (yes, even the Chamber) are like the larger objects. Their massive size has a greater effect on the fabric of space time (i.e. the community we are in). We're drawn in, where we meet many of the same people who are in the area and are attracted by the same gravity that affected us.

So networking outside of our regular groups is like fighting the forces of gravity. It takes extra effort to move further away from the massive objects that have a strong attraction. Look how much energy it takes to launch a space craft out of the Earth's gravity well.

Okay, maybe the analogy isn't perfect. But the next time your favorite networking adviser nags you to go somewhere different and get out of your comfort zone, you can blame it on the space time continuum. Who can fight that?

P.S. It's also a great excuse for being late. "Hey, space and time are the same thing, so really I've been here all along."

A Networking Fairy Tale Featuring Humpty Dumpty

2009-07-20T18:44:00.000-07:00

Humpty Dumpty opened a new business selling walls. He found a retail space, spent a lot of money on inventory, and then threw the doors open one nice spring day.

Nobody came. He sat in the store and waited. Business was slow. He asked his neighbor, Miss Muffet if it was a bad neighborhood, but she didn't know because she had agoraphobia and never went outside. He asked his other neighbor, Jack Sprat (a physical trainer) what he should do. "Advertise," said Jack. But Humpty didn't have any money left.

Little Boy Blue told him to cold call, but Humpty didn't know how to craft a good message. The Old Lady who lived in the shoe down the street suggested direct mail, but Humpty didn't know where to get a list. Mary, Mary, the contrarian, told him to find a new target market, but Humpty didn't even know who was in his old target market.

Finally, one of the king's men told him about a networking event down at the castle that was being sponsored by the local Chamber of Commerce. Humpty hemmed and hawed, but finally decided that at the very least, he'd get something to eat and he could leave if it wasn't any good.

Humpty Dumpty had a great time! He met a marketing expert who could help him find low-cost advertising. He was introduced to a sales specialist who told him where to find cold-calling scripts. He found out that the Chamber had a seminar on direct mailing strategies. The Chamber Membership Director suggested some good books on guerilla marketing and then invited him to become a member.

Humpty joined the Chamber and all summer long he enjoyed excellent networking events, learned a great deal about running a small business, and saved money through the Chamber advertising discounts. He told all his friends that they should join the Chamber, too, and together they developed terrific, long-term mutally beneficial relationships with everyone in town.

And as September, October and November rolled by, Humpty counted up the profits and realized he'd had a great fall!

My Real Response to the Bad Networker on LinkedIn

2009-07-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

I can't find the sender of the message on LinkedIn that prompted this post.

I'll keep looking though, because the consensus seems to be that it would be very important to respond to the person. Not in the way that I wrote in the first post. That was a little bit of self-indulgent venting. But in a way that is helpful, positive and encouraging. Otherwise, how will that person ever grow and become more successful if no one lets them know what they're doing isn't being well-received?

But what to say?!

I'm eagerly awaiting a column by my friend Tiffany Nielsen of Premier Etiquette that will be published in tomorrow's Business Street Online. But here's my first draft of my serious, respectful, and (hopefully) helpful reply:

Thank you for your message. I appreciate that you feel I could be very helpful to you in building your business. I'm also flattered that you believe I have influence with my contacts. I've worked long and hard to build relationships and develop trust with the people I know.

I believe that a strong network is vital to business success and that good business people deal with each other in a straightforward and honest way. Therefore, I have to let you know that your approach, while sounding like good networking on the surface, didn't have the effect that you may have hoped for.

In networking, or even in plain old selling, there needs to be a benefit for both parties. I understand the benefit for you if we got together and I provided you with leads, but I have to ask where the benefit is for me? There is very little motivation on my part to make this appointment.

And I hope you understand that from my perspective, there is a great deal of risk on my part since I don't know you and aren't familiar with your product. It's nothing personal - how could it be since we've never met? - but I would be making recommendations to my friends based on one meeting designed to help you, without addressing any of my needs.

That's it so far. What do you think?

And how do I wrap it up? Have a meeting anyway? Invite them to a Chamber event? Find some way to learn more about them without a meeting?

All ideas and suggestions will be taken seriously.

Do They Really Think This is Networking?

2009-07-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

The LinkedIn invitation came with the standard header: Invitation to Connect. I didn't recognize the name, but I opened the invite out of curiosity. Here's the entire text of the message:

I know you know a lot of people that have been impacted by the economy and are keeping their options open to making some extra money part time. I would enjoy the opportunity to introduce myself and share with you what I am doing to see if it is a good fit for anyone you know!

I didn't respond. But if I was going to, here's what I would say to Mr. Bad Networker:

Yes, I do know a lot of people because I've worked hard at getting to know them, earning their trust, and building a relationship with them. I'm not ready to throw that all away for your benefit. You didn't even pretend to be interested in helping me.

And of course you would enjoy the opportunity to introduce yourself, but what about me? Would I enjoy being used as your sales tool? Do you really think I value my relationships so little that I'm seriously going to introduce you to them?

I have some credibility to maintain so I can't imagine myself listening to your sales pitch and then giving you contact information for my network. How would I introduce you? I would have to say, "Hey Bob, I just met this person. They have no interest in me personally but they would very much like to make money off of you. How about giving them your time? And bring your Rolodex, I'm sure they'll want to be introduced to your friends."

If you want to sell to people rather than engage in real networking, knock yourself out ... but don't involve me.

What would you say to them?

One Last Networking Lesson from MJ

2009-06-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

Jackie Collins was the guest on the Dennis Miller show earlier this week. Of course, the conversation turned toward Michael Jackson. Dennis asked Jackie if she was friends with Michael. She said they didn't see each other more than a few times, but she very clearly remembered the first time they met.

Jackie was attending a big Hollywood party, full of major stars, at a very large mansion. While she mixed and mingled, the hostess approached her and asked for a favor.

Apparently Michael Jackson has arrived, but was out front with a full-blown case of shyness. The hostess thought that Jackie would be able to talk him into coming into the party. Jackie went out and Michael was outside, nervous and worried about meeting people like Sean Connery. "What would I say to them? What would they think of me?" he told her.

Jackie Collins, in her sophisticated British accent, laughed and said she told him he was a bigger star than any of them. He eventually did go into the party and had a wonderful time.

So the next time you're feeling shy about entering a party, remember how a great entertainer like Michael Jackson felt that way. Take a deep breath and enter the room like you're as big a star as anyone. I'm no Jackie Collins, but you might thank me anyway.

How to Keep Your Networking Commitments

2009-06-24T19:10:00.001-07:00

How do you keep yourself from deciding to ditch a networking event at the last minute?

It's easy to pencil them in on your calendar, especially at the beginning of the week right after that first cup of coffee, but it's a lot harder to go when you get to the end of day and you're tired. My friend Kristan has a great idea.

"Make me volunteer to help you," she said. "That way, I'll be sure to go."

Commit yourself in advance. If someone else is depending on you, you're much less likely to decide to skip it at the last minute. And you'll probably have a much more productive time if you've got a goal when you get there.

Your Business Can Learn from Superchex

2009-06-08T18:50:00.000-07:00

No, Superchex isn't a heroic breakfast cereal, it's the Superior Chamber Executives of Northern California. Every few months they put on a day-long seminar that's relevant to chamber staff. This time it was membership's turn, so 50 Chamber executives gathered in the CalChamber office for "Membership Development & Retention in Whitewater Times."

Sounds like a day of esoteric information of interest only to a few lonely Membership Directors (there's usually only one of us per town). But I took away great information from the speakers that would benefit anyone's business.

From Dave Kilby, CEO of the Western Association of Chamber Executives:

There are three keys to success for Chambers
1. Dedicated volunteer leadership (for small businesses this means cultivating clients who have an interest in seeing you succeed.)
2. The best professional staff you can afford.
3. Programs that meet the needs of your members (i.e. products that meet the needs of your customers.)
The number one question a chamber needs to ask itself: "WHY is this activity/announcement/event, etc. important to our members?" (Ask yourself, "WHY is this service/marketing campaign/product important to our clients?")

From Ben Wolf, Vice President of Member Services for the Nashville Chamber:

Don't get sucked into blaming everything on "the economy." The solution to "the economy" is to sell ourselves out of this.
Membership is everyone's job (clients/customers are everyone's job). No members (no clients)? Then no one has a job whether or not their title includes the word "member" (or "customer").
We need to return to "high touch" marketing. It's easy to use technology to do it.

Jeni Coke, Membership Investment & Relationship Manager for the Lake Havasu Area Chamber:

If you can find a way for other people to benefit from helping you, not only will you get help, but you'll get more than you expected. (Jeni told a great story about an Ambassador who was starting a new insurance office. Email or Tweet me (or Jeni!) to find out how this new agent/Ambassador got 1 out of 5 people she cold-visited to call her back.)
People rarely know that you've referred them, so use three-way calling to make the introduction as soon as someone calls for a referral. "Hello, Bob? I have Joan on the phone, she called me looking for a real estate agent who could help her. I thought of you and now I have Joan on the phone. Joan, this is Bob." Bob will never forget that you have referred to him.

From Scott Ashton, Director of Sales & Marketing for the Oceanside Chamber:

Packaging your services together can help you sell more. (This can apply to any business, but especially service businesses - spas do it all the time.)
It's even more important to continue adding value for your members (and your customers).
Scott allows non-members to sponsor their events. My lesson from this is to not be elitist about where your revenue is coming from. You might also build new relationships from unexpected sources.

Can Non-Networkers Be Successful, Part 2

2009-06-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

As I said on Monday, everyone I know does at least a little bit of networking. They want to network because they know it's useful and important to their business growth. But I started wondering how people who adamantly think they don't need networking grow their business. I posted the question here and there are some great responses, all of them worth reading.

I also asked this question on LinkedIn. You can read all the thoughtful answers I've received here. I've had a variety of responses, all of which made me really think. But here's the most important thing I've realized from their comments is this:

EVERYBODY networks.
Everyone has to develop some kind of relationship with at least a few people in order to survive.

But I'm not talking about people who have accidentally or incidentally developed some relationships that work for them. If you're in business and you're not a complete a--hole, you'll build a rudimentary network.

I'm talking about strategic networking. The deliberate cultivation of a wide variety of relationships for the specific purpose of reaching goals quicker, faster, and easier.

It seems like you can build a certain level of success with hard work, lots of cold-calling and a careful advertising campaign. But it seems to me that strategic networking would make it all happen faster, quicker, and easier.

Over the next few days, I'll see if I can get permission to quote the who answered my LinkedIn question and I'll summarize them here.

Can Non-Networkers Be Successful?

2009-06-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

In my world, everyone networks.

They all understand that it is important, they'll accomplish things more easily and that they will be more successful by developing mutually beneficial relationships with other people.

There are people out there who can't relate to others of a different race, different socio-economic backgrounds, or different political backgrounds. They aren't able to even imagine how those people think.

I can't wrap my head around the thought process of people who absolutely believe they don't need to network, don't have to network, and don't want to network.

How do they make a living? Can they be successful? Who does business with someone who doesn't want to give or share, but only takes? Do they spend all their money on advertising and wait for the phone to ring? Are they masters of cold-calling? Who do they call when they need help?

What's your take on it? Help me understand a world that I've never visited and tell me how dedicated non-networkers survive in the business world.

Time is Always the Issue

2009-05-27T20:12:00.000-07:00

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.” ~Albert Einstein

"Lately, it doesn't seem to be working." ~Anonymous

Just like it's easy for extroverts to give great advice to shy people about networking ("Don't be shy"), it's easy for someone whose job is to network to tell you to "just make the time."

Let me try to give you some ideas on finding the time to network that don't include the usual tried-and-true time management advice (because you know all about that, right?).

Picture from Flickr by FionaAndNeil

Maybe you're not "finding time" to networking because you're getting bored. Or you're not having fun any more. Or you're not getting results. If it was fun and productive, you'd find the time.
Are you avoiding events because they take a big chunk of time out of one day? If your association luncheon runs from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m., including travel time, that's 2 1/2 hours you've got to carve out. Maybe it's time for shorter bursts of networking. Try a no agenda event (such as mixers) where you can run in for just 20 minutes.
Combine activities. Can you invite a client to the association event? Take a new contact to lunch? Mix business with pleasure?
Try Speed Networking or BlitzTime events which are set up to maximize the number of people you meet.
Take a leadership position. You'll spend more time working for the organization or group, but you'll gain much more exposure to more people all at once.
Recruit ambassadors or champions to help expand your sphere of influence (you should probably do the same for them!).

How do you save time when networking? Or how do you maximize your results from the time you spend? Feel free to leave your comments.

Buy Local Means Buying from Local People

2009-05-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, I saw a presentation on a Bay Area city's "Buy Local" campaign. They've worked hard and put together some nice materials for their program. Perhaps it works for the unique outlook that their city has, but I could never support such a campaign here. According to their criteria, many of our Clovis Chamber members would be excluded.

People who live, work, breathe, eat, and sleep Clovis would be left out of their program because they are an independent agent of a nationwide company. Or because the business owner lives outside the city limits. Or because they are part of a national chain.

But these are still people who live here, who join the Chamber, and who show up to get face to face with their customers. They've put themselves out into the community because they care about the people they live next to and work with.

How could we have a program that says "Sorry, but I'm going to tell people to not buy from you." Of course, the campaign creators in the Bay Area town have said they're not telling people to not shop at certain stores, but the undercurrent is there. They are defining "us" and "them" and telling you to not do business with "them."

Personally, I'll keep doing business with the people who live and work here. With the people who tell me - by their action of showing up and looking me in the eye - that they want and appreciate my business. I hope you do, too.

Boiling Down the Essence of Networking for Job Seekers

2009-05-20T21:09:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I am speaking at an event for job seekers. I have 20 minutes to give them vital information on using networking to help them find a job. What can I say in that little bit of time that will help them as much as possible?

First, they need to be convinced of the benefits. I think there are three main ways that networking helps job seekers:

It exposes the hidden job market. According to www.QuintCareers.com, less than 20% of jobs are ever advertised. The way to find these jobs is through networking.
You'll get insight into companies and job titles. People who've worked for specific companies or in particular job areas can give you information not otherwise available.
The next time you're in a job search, you'll have a stronger, more useful network helping you (assuming you stay in touch with people you met in your first search).

Second, they have to be very good at explaining what they are looking for in as few words as possible. The worst things I see people who are in a job search do are: 1) stumble and stutter when asked "what do you do?" and 2) go on at great length about a wide variety of jobs they are willing to take. Act as if every conversation you engage in while networking is a mini job interview. You never know who you're talking to or who they know, so it's important to make a great impression in the short time you have.

Third, if they haven't networked much before, they can be reassured by knowing that networking consists of just four very simple steps, repeated over and over.

Go Places
Meet People
Exchange Value
Maintain Contact

This is 20 minutes of presentation. I hope that it gives them a good place to start networking. In my three years of speaking to the Central Valley Professionals Job Club, I've found that a lot of mid-level professional people haven't done a lot of networking or haven't done it for a long time. They are rusty, but just need some ground rules and encouragement.

Anything else vital that you would tell them?

Searching for Pearls of Wisdom

2009-05-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

Ever find yourself wondering why in the world you're wasting time with someone who appears to be completely useless to you? I do too, although more and more I find myself completely fascinated by people who are terrible networkers, relentless sales sharks, and behave in other inexplicable ways. It's like a car wreck; you don't want to look but you wonder what happened. And just when you think there's no value, they'll say or do one little thing that made it worth the time spent.

My friend Jay Petersen of the Geeks Computer Service has a story about spending time with an advertising consultant way back when Jay first went into business. He spent several weeks working with the guy who seemed to be completely full of self-aggrandizing junk. After several formal sessions, they were having a casual dinner and in the course of normal conversation, the guy dropped a pearl of wisdom that made the whole thing worthwhile.

Too many of us don't have the patience to sort through chaff to get to the wheat. We expect everything to be pure and simple and laid out for us. I still hear people saying that they don't like networking because so many people they meet aren't their target market. Life isn't like that. You can't go to the "perfect customer store," you have to find the pearls of wisdom contained in the general mishmash of life.

Wharton Studies Network-based Marketing

2009-05-11T21:45:00.001-07:00

Thank you to my friends at Referral Key for posting about a study published by Wharton University.

It was conducted for a telecommunications company. They found that the strongest indicator of whether or not someone adopted a new Internet service was if they had a "network neighbor" (someone they were in communication with) who was already using the service. Other demographic similarities were not as big an influence on the adoption of the product.

In other words, people who know people who already had the service were more likely to buy. To corporate marketing departments, this means selling to the friends of your existing customers is a powerful tool.

Seems to me like those of us who are faithful, devoted in-person and on-line networkers already know this.

Perhaps the most interesting part is that the study wasn't able to pinpoint the reason for the "network neighbor" effect. It speculates that they might be talking to each other (although in the study the consumers' conversations weren't monitored), or that they might be like-minded and therefore purchasing similar products, or that they have some deeper connection that is alluded to by the fact that the communicate with each other.

If you're a major telecommunications company, I guess you'd want the study to engage in this kind of introspection. For the rest of us, isn't it enough to know that our work on building referrals is validated?

More Thoughts from the Ambassador Rally

2009-05-11T20:48:00.001-07:00

I'm always a little taken aback when I'm at events like an Ambassador Rally and someone at the event uses really poor networking skills. I expect Ambassadors to be some of the most skillful networkers around. (Ambassadors are volunteers who help their Chambers of Commerce with membership retention, recruitment and events.)

Here are a couple of examples that surprised me the most. During the lunch hour, one person was walking around to each table and announcing "I'm collecting business cards." No attempt at conversation, no self-introduction, just pure ol' list-building, I guess. I haven't heard from him yet, but I certainly expect to. I tossed his business card away - he won't remember anything about me.

I received my first follow-up email this morning, which was terrific. The problem is that the email included a sales pitch for their service "as you requested." Now I know this was a form email - I didn't request more information. I was sorry to see this - the person who sent it was very interesting. We talked a little bit and I enjoyed meeting them. But now I have received a sales email and no discussion of the person-to-person conversation we had. Unless I very specifically told you I needed your sales information, please don't send it to me!

See, even those who should know better occasionally let their sales and prospecting sides take over, when they should have stuck to the networking. It's a cautionary tale to the rest of us, to remain ever vigilant.

Thoughts on the Ambassador Rally from a Train Station

2009-05-08T18:10:00.000-07:00

I'm posting this from the Amtrak station in Martinez,California. (The picture is from dinner last night) We've got an hour layover waiting for our train back home to Fresno. "We" meaning myself, Sally Dove, Claudia Moorefield, Ellie Huston, Bev Stoccketti and Chris Jue - some of the best Ambassadors a Chamber staff person could ever ask for.

We spent the day at the Northern California Ambassador Rally in Berkeley. What a great opportunity for me to spend time learning about my counterparts from other cities. You might be able to network with other financial people, other retailers, and other businesses who are in the same niche or the same industry as you. Sometimes we're not thrilled about the competition, but you've got a lot of opportunities to learn from what they're doing well (and what they're doing wrong).

Because of the unique nature of Chambers of Commerce (just a few per city), I don't have the chance to network with my peers very often. So this was a special treat. I renewed friendships with Chris Phipps of Richmond and Sue Thurmon from Gilroy. I made new friends, meeting energetic Irish Robertson from Anderson, experienced Dawn Wilson from Pleasanton, open-minded Charlotte Mills from Danville, and super-energy Kevin from Berkeley.

One thing I learned is that not many of these Chambers are on Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn ... yet. In the not to distant future, you'll be able to learn almost as much about your local chamber through social media as you will through their brochures and websites.

Are You Finding Success by Finding the Successful

2009-05-06T20:26:00.000-07:00

I used to play a game called Star Fleet Battles. I would travel to tournaments where the goal was to win the coveted title of "Rated Ace." Only one player per event earned a Rated Ace Card, except for at the national convention where a small handful could earn the title.

There was a saying in the Star Fleet Battle circles: "Aces breed aces." This meant that new rated aces tended to come from groups that already had a couple of rated aces. They brought the level of play up so that relative new-comers in their circles would rapidly come up to speed and surpass the ability of those who played in groups without Rated Aces.

Are you spending time with Rated Aces? If you want to increase your networking skills, you need to spend time with those whose abilities surpass your own. If you want to build your business, you need to spend time with people who are working to build their businesses. And if you want to grow in all areas of your life, you need to spend time with other people who are learning and growing.

Picture from Flickr by Benimoto

Oh, what's that? Do I have a Rated Ace card? I have two. And the last time I checked, I was still the only woman in the history of the game to have ever won one card, much less two.

P.S. If any hardcore SFB'ers see this post, yes, I realize they are not playing SFB in the picture!

The Networking Motivator Newsletter

2009-05-05T19:33:00.001-07:00

The Networking Motivator Newsletter is a weekly publication that I recently started. It will feature one clear short paragraph or two about a single idea that you can apply during the week. It will be a quick boost of inspiration or it will be a thought-provoking question or it will be a networking success story.

You decide!

Tell me what networking issue are the most annoying, difficult, or perplexing to you. I'll answer the question to the best of my knowledge and I may even bring in an outside resource or two.

Have you got a great networking success story? I would love to feature it in the newsletter. It can be anonymous (although that defeats some of the purpose of networking) or I'm happy to link to your site or blog.

To contact me about The Networking Motivator with a question, suggestion, or story, send email to thenetworkingmotivator@gmail.com

To subscribe to the newsletter visit www.TheNetworkingMotivator.com

Want to Catch What's Going Around?

2009-05-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

Seems that the swine flu scare is about over. An article in our local paper said that it's not as virulent and doesn't seem to be spreading as they thought. The only thing that most people caught from each other was fear.

It's funny how contagious our concerns and attitudes can be. Ever been in a happy mood, then went to lunch with a couple other people who were gloomy? Guess what, you were probably gloomy, too, by the time lunch was done.

Or, if you're a little down, but spend some time with your friends who are always upbeat and make you laugh and you'll feel better. Monday mornings are a drag, but I have my Toastmasters club meeting at noon. I always feel uplifted and ready to go by the time we're done.

Photo from Flickr by Zenilorac

This is one of the unexpected benefits of networking. You'll spend time with people who are usually positive and forward-thinking. They feel good because they are taking action toward their goals. The energy will be contagious.

So think really hard about the kind of people you spend time with. Do some networking to get a boost. And when you sneeze, use your sleeve.

Are Toastmasters Natural Networkers?

2009-05-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

Not familiar with Toastmasters? It's a world-wide organization dedicated to helping people improve their communication and leadership skills. Meetings include prepared speeches and extemporaneous speeches, as well as the opportunity to take leadership roles in the meetings. It's helped millions of people around the world improve their speaking skills.

As I sit here in the lobby of the Bakersfield Marriott, waiting for hospitality night to kick off the event, I wonder if Toastmasters have a natural edge in networking.

Toastmasters are good communicators. Networking takes excellent communications.
Toastmasters are excellent, trained listeners. Networking takes good listening skills.
But are Toastmasters extroverts? Put on the brakes! I suspect many Toastmasters are actually introverts. But that's okay - you don't have to be an extrovert to be a good networker.

Want to improve your networking skills? Try Toastmasters. You'll boost your confidence, learn better communication skills, and you'll make some great friends!

Are you Changing Your Networking Habits?

2009-04-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

My opinion of the swine flu?

I think America has lost its collective grip! Maybe after so many other pieces of bad news, this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

My husband saw two people in the grocery store wearing masks. My friend who works for an office supply company says they cannot get hand sanitizer, disinfectants, or face masks for the next three weeks.

Photo from Flickr by Ottmar, Jolly and Joni

I'm starting to wonder if I'll see a decrease in attendance at Clovis Chamber networking events until we come to our senses. I'll be polling my Chamber friends on Twitter to see if they're experiencing anything yet.

In the meantime, please be sensible. Don't curtail your life. Don't be afraid. And of course, don't stop networking!

Overdramatic Reporting Makes Job Seeker Look Ridiculous

2009-04-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

Today's paper had a McClatchy article about a pair of job seekers who have created "Laid Off" wristbands. I admire their creativity and their resilience. Hopefully taking this action and garnering all the press coverage will help them in their job searches. I wish them the best.

But I have a real bone to pick with a terrible conflict in the article. I hope it's the result of overzealous dramatizing by the reporter and not the job strategy of the person in the article.

In the opening paragraph, the article emphasizes just how hard this person is looking for a job. She has been "spending 10 to 12 hours on the Internet looking for a new one."

She's spending all day inside her house, talking to no one, going nowhere and doing nothing but searching for job listings on the Internet??Is that what the reporting is implying? Because that's what I'm inferring.

If that's true, no wonder she's having a hard time finding a job.

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 70 percent of all jobs are found through networking. Sure, there's rapid growth in jobs found through social media, but it is still a tiny fraction.

The really hilarious part of the article comes toward the end when the reporter quotes a spokesperson for the local workforce board.

"Networking in today's economy is very important and a very big part of what job seekers should be doing... Sending resumes to companies is not enough. It's getting in front of people." [emphasis mine]

I suspect that the reporter didn't interview the workforce person in the context of letting her know that he's telling us the job seeker isn't getting in front of anyone.

It gets better. The end of the article is another quote from the workforce person, "...the unemployed are a little bit invisible, and this is to make them more visible."

How is anyone going to see the unemployed person wearing the wristband if she's on the Internet 10 hours a day?

Let's hope this is over-dramatic reporting and that the job seeker - who is a smart and creative for coming up with this idea - is getting out and networking in person.

The Irony of Toastmasters ...

2009-04-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

Andy Lopata of Connecting People had a guest blogger today, Neil Urquhart, who wrote about becoming a great networker through good listening skills. It's a post worth reading; it approaches listening skills from the perspective of learning from other people. It made me think about my own ability to listen, which I hope is good since I love to talk.

Photo from Flickr by JIFormales

I realized that I get excellent practice in careful listening every week in my Toastmasters club. I was "grammarian" this week which means not only listening, but reporting to the entire group on their grammer, uhs and ums, and any other verbal "tics."

It's ironic that Toastmasters turns us into better listeners because the image is that it's a public speaking organization (which it is). But there are many roles that require you listen carefully. Not only do you have to listen with intention, you also get to practice shutting up! When a speech is given, it's not a dialog. You are to be an attentive audience, but not comment. And, you're also not supposed to "kibbutz" when the Toastmaster or General Evaluator is running the meeting. It's funny how hard it is for some people to let others play their parts without commenting.

Your Comfort Zone is Someone Else's Scary Place

2009-04-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

You have to remind yourself that what seems easy for you, can be a real difficult stretch for someone else. If you don't, you'll misunderstand other people's reluctance to do things that seem like a no-brainer.

If I forgot the first awkward days of insecurity and nervousness about networking with complete strangers I wouldn't be able to encourage and reassure new networkers. Instead I might look down on them or dismiss as being stupid or unmotivated.

Photo from Flickr by Sarajea

Here's an example. Occasionally I run into someone who says they don't like networking because other people try to sell, or don't have good conversational skills, or who commit any other number of networking "sins." I try to remind that person that not everyone is a skilled networker. They need to try to gently guide them toward good networking, instead of writing off an entire business-building strategy because they think other people aren't good enough. Plus, that's another example of a comfort zone: only wanting to network with people who are at the same skill level they are.

Have a little compassion. Think of the things you're not good at where other people have to be patient with you. Now, apply that to those who are brave enough to get out of their comfort zone, but aren't yet skilled.

Expanding Your Comfort Zone

2009-04-23T20:32:00.000-07:00

How do you expand your comfort zone? Unless you're a member of the Polar Bear Club, you probably want to ease into a new situation. Networ king is an activity that can create a lot of anxiety. Here are several tips for expanding your comfort zone without feeling like you're about to jump into a frozen lake.

Use the Buddy System. Ask one of your more experienced or outgoing networking friends to accompany you to an event. They break the ice for you and give you the opportunity to watch and emulate their networking techniques. Just make sure they don't get carried away and leave you behind.
Plan Ahead. Research the event, find out who's attending, and ask the host about the agenda. Knowing what to expect goes a very long way toward helping you feel comfortable in a new situation.
Take Small Steps. Start out small. Don't expect to change habits of many years in one networking event. Luncheons, speed networking, and trade shows are all events where there is networking, but it's in small doses even within a larger event.
Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway. The classic self-help novel by Susan Jeffers provides wonderful advice and strategies for any situation that causes you to feel fear. Her first and most important point is that you'll never get rid of the fear of doing something by waiting. Fear does not magically go away on its own unless there's an underlying medical or psychological condition that you're getting treated for. Even so, many treatments for phobias include careful exposure to what the person fears.

Expanding your networking sphere of activity and influence by trying these simple strategies.

Where Are the Edges of Your Comfort Zone?

2009-04-22T21:01:00.000-07:00

The Clovis Chamber mixer tonight was held at one of the best AAA baseball stadiums in the country, in their skybox/lounge/bar. We had the entire place to ourselves. On one hand, I was a little concerned that hundreds would show up for the chance to have fun in our very popular Grizzlies baseball stadium. On the other hand, I wondered if the location would be a problem.

See, the mixer was held ... in Fresno. Downtown Fresno. I wondered if people would hesitate to drive "all the way downtown." I wondered if they would not be willing to stretch their comfort zone quite that far. I wondered if our streak of extremely well attended mixers would suffer a bit from being "all the way downtown" which is located a few miles past the edge of many people's comfort zones.

Are you limited by your comfort zone? I think I fool myself a little bit by telling myself that I'm not limited. I go outside of my comfort zone all the time... but do I? I've done enough networking for long enough that I feel pretty comfortable much of the time, even at new events because there are usually people I know. Hm, maybe if I feel comfortable, I'm not out of my comfort zone.

How do you know? Do you have to feel uncomfortable to know you're outside of your comfort zone? Or can you get comfortable enough with feeling a bit stretched and out of place that it no longer feels uncomfortable?

Photo by Rightee on Flickr

Tortoises, Hares, Greyhounds and Horses

2009-04-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

Let's keep the analogy going. Chris from Referral Key commented on yesterday's post that horses require a lot more resources to keep going than rabbits or turtles. And as the very sad death of the 21 polo ponies in Florida shows, they are delicate creatures subject to many ills.

The point is that you need to pick a pace you can maintain and stick with it. If you can only manage a tortoise-slow pace on your networking (i.e. a very small amount at a time), but you can do it every day you are still in better shape than an inconsistent rabbit. Sure, you're better off to be like a swift greyhound, but how long can you keep up that pace? Plan for a networking strategy that you can maintain for the long run.

Photo by CelticBlade from Flickr

Are You the Tortoise or the Hare?

2009-04-20T19:27:00.000-07:00

Remember the fable of tortoise and the hare? The moral to the story was that slow and steady wins the race over fast but inconsistent. It's undeniably true in networking that consistent effort over time is going to get much better results that short bursts of participation followed by long silence. But we hate the idea because we want results now!

(Photo by Bad Rabbit Inc.)

It's one of the reasons for the controversy (and excellent ongoing conversations) about the recent study by the ESR Group. No one is going to get a quick sales fix from social media.

Wait! Except some people have gained excellent results, maybe even sales results. What are they doing differently? Besides having a clear strategy, building community, and using it as a communication tool, there's something else the successful marketers are doing with their social media marketing.

They brought a horse to the turtle/rabbit races. The rabbit is fast, but inconsistent, good at short bursts of effort followed by long rest periods. The turtle is really slow, but he keeps going on and on and on.

The horse is fast, powerful, and has great endurance (we're talking about desert-bred Arabians not Quarter Horses). Those who are successful in the social media market entered it strongly, moved quickly and kept going strongly.

Wouldn't you rather be the horse in this race?

Networking vs. Cold-Calling Part 2

2009-04-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

My friends at ReferralKey.com commented on The Major Difference Between Cold-Calling and Networking:

I don't think you could get better results from cold calling; at least if you're networking properly.

Good point! It does raise the question of what it takes to be "networking properly." To me, you'll get better results from networking after you've spent a couple of years consistently attending events where you see your target market. You'll need to encourage and reward referrals, and you'll need to have given more than you expected to get.

At point, I think you'll find that networking "suddenly" becomes one of your most valuable business tools.

Getting Back What You Give Part 2

2009-04-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

A couple of my friends on Facebook had very nice comments to add to my post of two days ago (Getting Back What You Give). They suggested that perhaps I didn't feel like I was diminished by giving because I give things that come easy to me, but that aren't so simple for the other person.

I'm sure they're right. I think about things that people do for me that make life much simpler for me because it would have been difficult or time-consuming for me to try it. I've felt such gratitude for their help and yet to them, it was knowledge or abilities that they were very comfortable with.

So think about the next time you give to someone and they seem more grateful than you expected. You probably just helped them with something that would have been tough for them to do, but was easy for you.

A Major Difference Between Cold Calling & Networking

2009-04-15T19:03:00.000-07:00

Thank you to my new friends from the Fresno County Employer Advisory Council for giving me great feedback after my presentation this morning.

We came up with another terrific reason why networking is much preferable to cold-calling. What if, for example, 4 hours of cold-calling and 4 hours of networking provided the same results as far as prospective customers? Or let's even say that you get marginally better results from the cold-calling.

Which activity makes you feel better when you're done? Making call after call where you are rejected time after time? Searching though a list until you get someone willing to at least listen? Or would you rather spend time networking, making new contacts, discovering unexpected commonalities with people, and having positive interactions?

Which one would make you feel uplifted, energized, and positive? Wouldn't you rather do more of that?

Getting Back What You Give

2009-04-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

Some days I feel like I get so much back from all my amazing friends and contacts, that surely there's no way I could have given them that much.

Maybe there's a couple different things happening here. Perhaps the things that I give to my friends and contacts are things I have in so much abundance, that I don't really feel like I'm diminished at all. Is that the sign that you are truly giving?

Either that, or I'm going to owe people big time in the future!

New Study on Selling Via Social Media Says "Have a Clear Purpose"

2009-04-13T17:31:00.000-07:00

Well, the study doesn't really say this.

Photo courtesy of Kiwanja

The research by ES Research Group is summarized on the Referral Key Small Business Blog. Simply put, the results imply that social networking sites don't help close sales.

Will this be a controversial study or will it be discredited and then completely ignored after a couple days?

Some people in social media are going to disagree because they are using it very successfully, although not necessarily as a sales tool.
Some people are going to be disappointed that social media isn't the answer to all their sales and marketing problems.
And some people will ignore it because they are having waaayyy too much fun with the new media to care what anyone else thinks.

Paul Greenberg of ZD Net has a number of problems with the study, not the least of which is that social media really isn't a sales tool. He says that the survey is asking the wrong questions. It's worth a trip to his post to be reminded of the reasons you're using social media. Take the time to view his slideshow at the end.

I admit, the study really doesn't say "have a clear purpose." I say it. This survey and the reaction from other technology bloggers such as Jessica Tsai remind me to emphasize to you that social networking is still very much like in-person networking:

It's not about selling, it's about developing relationships. And if you're not clear about your purpose for networking, it's going to be a big waste of time.

TheWeathSpa.com is Giving Away "The Money Tree"

2009-04-11T08:17:00.000-07:00

I've been enjoying the blog at The Wealth Spa for some time. Elizabeth Potts Weinstein has attracted an amazing array of guest bloggers to add to her own on-target posts about business, money, and success.

Elizabeth has announced a contest where she'll be giving away three copies of her program "The Money Tree." What perfect timing... I'm at the point where I'm ready to launch my speaking and networking "hobby" into a business. I'm more intimidated by the accounting than the speaking! Here is my contest entry:

My biggest challenge in attracting more money into my business is that I haven't even started bringing money into the business, and yet, I already "know" that I'm going to hate doing the accounting. This is a limiting belief. By telling myself "I hate accounting," I'm already setting myself up for failure. The ironic part is that I teach people how to overcome their obstacles to networking, such as negative beliefs about networking. But here I am, letting my thoughts hinder me.

Elizabeth, I would be a grateful winner of the Money Tree System because it will set me on the earliest possible path to success in my business. Since I'm ready to launch, I'll need to put the system to use right away. I won't have to unlearn or undo any mistakes; I'll be a "clean slate" example for your system. And, my future clients will benefit. I haven't had obstacles to networking, but I'll have overcome this barrier. The experience will help me empathize with my audiences. I'll be my own best example.

I'm enjoying your blog and look forward to the results of this contest!

Do you have a similar experience? Or other reasons why you could use such a system? Please leave a comment here, or visit Elizabeth's post to enter your own submission.

You're in a Networking Rut, Now What?

2009-04-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

Developing a pattern of networking can be very beneficial. Once you've made a habit of networking, consistency is no longer a problem. And consistent, regular appearances are a foundation of a great networking strategy.

But if you've been attending the same organization meetings, with the same people, and the same agenda year after year, it's not a good habit anymore. You're in a rut.

You left your comfort zone of home and office to start networking. It was awkward at first, but you gradually became comfortable with your group. Too comfortable.

Photo by AdamCohn

If you're not meeting a handful of new people at every one of your favorite organization's meetings, it's time to add a new group or range further out for your activities. Don't drop the old organizations. Like the Girl Scout song says: "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold."

I've been a member of the Fresno Women's Network for nearly 10 years, but the group is dynamic and always growing, so I meet new people at every meeting. And, I've been working for the Clovis Chamber for six years, but again, new people are joining all the time.

Are you in a rut? Get yourself out now, before you can't see over the sides.

Are You in a Networking Rut?

2009-04-09T20:08:00.001-07:00

Today I was the guest speaker for the Fresno Chapter of the National Association of Insurance and Financial Advisers. My presentation on networking that I give to job seekers and new members tends to be geared toward the more basic aspects of networking, because many of the people in those groups are new to business or haven't been networking.

I had expected that the today's group would include a lot of people who are fairly new to the financial planning industry and that's how I put together my presentation. So it set me back for a few minutes when I saw that the vast majority of the group were experienced business people. Well, even experienced people need a refresher once in a while, I told myself.

The presentation was well received, they were an attentive and appreciative audience. Afterward the President of the Chapter made a few comments and asked the audience how many of them were involved in other organizations besides NAIFA. I was surprised that less than 10 people (out of 70+) raised their hands.

I guess even experienced people get into a business rut, going to the same luncheons, seeing the same people, and doing the same things. There are so many demands on our time that just keeping up with our existing tasks are exhausting some days. I don't blame them for not getting out more. It can be very difficult.

But, like not being the lead sled dog, the view gets pretty monotonous when you're in a rut. And the deeper it is, the harder to climb out.

Tomorrow's post: How do you know you're in a networking rut?

The Networking Motivator Newsletter is Launched

2009-04-08T18:06:00.000-07:00

I find myself wishing I could talk to more people on a regular basis to encourage them to "get out there" and promote themselves. I'm very realistic about the challenges we all face in our personal and business lives. Sometimes it's difficult, even for enthusiastic extroverts, to network when it seems that we're all working harder than ever.

So for those who don't have time to read daily blog posts, or who are just looking for a short boost of motivation, I have created The Networking Motivator Newsletter.

This free, twice-weekly newsletter will focus on only one very clear and concise tip, idea, suggestion, or strategy per issue.

I'll provide encouraging ideas, relay motivating success stories and link to helpful resources; whatever it takes to help you be more strategic in your networking efforts.

You can subscribe here. And feel free to share with a friend (especially those who don't get out and network much!).

*I respect your privacy. This list belongs to me personally and will never be sold. You have the option to unsubscribe at any time.

Is Networking Losing Ground?

2009-04-07T18:25:00.000-07:00

A friend told me today that she's picking up accounts from local companies because her large national company has lower prices. People are dropping their current relationships in order to save money. Whether or not their current provider is local, has an established relationship, or great service.

How much would you have to save in order to drop your account with someone local or that you had an established relationship with?

Now that more and more business people are rediscovering the effectiveness of networking, I wonder if the ironic part is going to be that more and more companies will be going with the lower bidder.

If your prices are much higher for comparable services, I think you're going to have a hard time networking enough to keep those customers who can save. But, if your prices are comparable, I still believe that people want to do business with people they know and trust.

What do you think?

It's The Marketing, Silly

2009-03-27T18:41:00.000-07:00

I have a new friend who has been in business for about a year and is already enjoying good success. She loves her work, but more importantly, she understands that it is a business and that she's doing it to make a good living.

This isn't an unusual story, most of us know many people like this who are doing well, even in this economy. But my friend is in an industry where the vast majority of the people in it simply have no clue that they need to be running their business .... like a business. They don't advertise, they don't market, and they sure as heck don't sell.

My friend is an independent contractor in a business with others like her. She says the other people actually make fun of her for putting out flyers, posting signs, and taking part in networking events.

One day, a man in a similar business from across the street came over to ask her how she stayed so busy. "What's your secret?" he asked. She started telling him how she reads business magazines and articles to learn more about marketing.

He immediately lost interest and walked away. Wonder what kind of secret formula he was expecting? One that didn't involve learning and hard work, I guess.

Trade Shows: Are you just replenishing your pen supply?

2009-03-26T21:13:00.000-07:00

In the last 3 weeks, I have staffed a Clovis Chamber booth at four trade shows. Were they worth it? Between the four events, we've signed up 19 new members. I also drummed up a great deal of interest for our Speed Networking event and distributed boxes of Clovis Chamber member directories. Definitely time well spent.

What about you? Do you go to trade shows for the door prizes, free food, and entertainment? Or do you have a clear purpose? If you don't know what to do at a trade show beyond pick up free pens, here are a few thoughts:

Reconnect with some of your long lost contacts. Trade shows attract a lot of people - there's got to be someone among all those people whom you've lost track of.
Pick up on business trends. Take out the program/directory and see which industries seem to be thriving ... and which aren't.
If you're not buying, at least you're learning about products and services you might need in the future.
Get your name out there. While it's cheesy to sell yourself to the vendors at a trade show, toss your business card in their bucket. They'll look through the cards and at least learn a little bit about your business.
Find unexpected opportunities. I discovered that there is a new trade show coming to the area that needs speakers on a range of topics.

Do you have any trade show tips or observations? Let me know.

Everyone Wants to Network Now, Part 2

2009-03-25T20:51:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago, I observed that it looks like the first week in January at the gym when you go to networking events. Attendance is up, probably because people are having to work harder to promote their businesses. Since they don't have money to advertise, they are returning to that reliable business tool called networking.

Jacob Jacobsohn of Networking Insight has also commented on this, noting that traffic on LinkedIn doubled in February this year over last. I wonder if this also have contributed in part to the tremendous growth of Twitter.

If you've started networking because you're in a job search or you're having to range further and work harder to promote your business, don't become a "New Year's drop out." Stick with the program long after everyone else has decided it's too hard or they'd rather watch more TV.

They may have experienced a short term benefit, but you'll be the grand winner in the long run.

Get Bored Networking? Play This Game ...

2009-03-24T20:30:00.001-07:00

If you think you are bored with networking, here's a game you can play at your next event.

Introduce yourself to someone you've never met before. Spend enough time talking to them so that you find out who you know in common or some other connection between you. It could mean that you both are fans of the same sports team, but if you're really bored, the rules of the game say that it has to be a personal connection.

Not that I'm bored with networking! But for example, tonight I went to a mixer. There were a lot of people there that I knew, but quite a few that I didn't know. I introduced myself to two women who seemed to be complete strangers. But after just a few minutes, it was revealed that the husband of one of them went to the same small high school that I graduated from.

Another person at the event started telling me how familiar my name was. I have no idea how she made this leap, but it turns out her grandmother and mine were very good friends for many years. I suspect her grandma talked about mine as much as mine did about hers, because I immediately recognized the name.

See? It's a very small world and I can't imagine that you could go to a decent-sized event and not find someone who knows someone you know.

Have you had many of these small world moments? Please share with us!

Everyone Wants to Network Now

2009-03-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

The Clovis Chamber has seen a dramatic increase in the attendance at mixers since the beginning of the year. In part because we've stepped up our promotion efforts. And we've worked hard to find venues and enhancements that are very tempting. I call this two-part strategy the "nagging plus bribery" plan.

The other reason that were seeing nearly 50 - 80% more people at our events is because of the economy. Everyone is having to work harder to maintain their same level of business. With sales going down, they don't have the means to increase their marketing & advertising budgets. So what do they do to keep their businesses going? Networking!

Funny how networking is being recognized as an amazing, low-cost way of promoting your business all of a sudden. People are busier than ever, yet somehow they are finding the time to network.

I hope that we don't see the "New Years/Gym" effect. You know, everyone is enthusiastic as the beginning, but as the year wears on (or the economy improves) they lost their momentum and their interest.

Frustration is a Terrible Emotion

2009-03-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

I don't let myself feel it. If I hear myself thinking "I'm so frustrated," I immediately put the brakes on it and restate the feeling. I'll let myself be annoyed, tired, momentarily thwarted, lacking momentum, or not sure what to do next, but I won't let myself be frustrated.

Here's why. The definition is "a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems."

Dissatisfaction in itself is not so bad. That feeling prompts us to change and improve our situation. But anxiety and depression are two emotions that can suck away our will and ability to do something.

If I believe I have an unfulfilled need or unresolved problem, feeling frustrated about it means I believe I am helpless to fix it. It is a form of giving up, perhaps because someone else should do something about it.

Well, I am the only person I can make do anything. So if a need isn't met, or a problem isn't solved, that's my own fault. I can't feel frustration because I have the power to address the issue.

Even if I realize that I may have no control over a problem, I still have the ability to be pragmatic and not waste brain power worrying about it. That dissolves any frustration I might think I feel.

What Ben Stein Said at Fresno State

2009-03-19T21:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight, Ben Stein addressed a sell-out crowd at Fresno State on what's ruining America and how to save it. First, let me say that the very dry and wry delivery you've seen on TV is not an act. Second, I hope that Mr. Stein is not the last speaker to address this issue in Fresno.

His presentation was powerful and disturbing. Here's the summary:

America is currently being run by a kleptocracy consisting of Wall Street execs, corporations, government officials, speculators, and anyone else who could get their hands on large sums of money.
These people (the kleptocrats) have no ethical foundation and see us (the common working people) as "targets" to be looted and fleeced for everything we have. They do not see us as human beings, so they do not care what the consequences are to us.
If America is to survive, we much see each other as helpers to our fellow citizens; we must care for each other and insist that other people do the same.
The best investment right now is the belief in the worth of other human beings.

Unfortunately, Mr. Stein says the best solution is to correct our monetary policy, which is still in the hands of the kleptocracy. Besides never voting for an incumbent again, I'm still not sure what else we the people can do.

Well, I know one thing: the easiest way to see other people as worthy human beings is to get to know as many people as possible. Sounds like more networking is a big part of the solution!

Sometimes It All Comes Together

2009-03-13T19:55:00.000-07:00

Some days, networking feels like enjoyable work that's not going anywhere. You're meeting people, getting to know them, getting your name out there, but nothing seems to be happening. Oh, but it is!

Kind of like growing radishes ... all the good stuff is happening beneath the surface. Until one day you pull on what's showing on top and up comes a delicious, crunchy radish.

Here's how I know the work we're doing at the Clovis Chamber to develop relationships is working: last night at the Clovis Advantage Trade Show, we signed up ten new members to the Chamber. Imagine writing a contract with ten new clients in 3 hours. That's one very 18 minutes.

This was the result of 1) building our reputation 2) growing relationships with our Ambassadors and members who referred several of those new people and 3) presenting everything from the perspective of the new member. Who cares how they benefits the Chamber?! It's all about us filling their needs. And their satisfaction will benefit the Chamber.

Thank you to everyone who attended, all the Ambassadors, and our new members.

Don't Apologize Like AT&T

2009-03-11T22:08:00.001-07:00

An apology with no corrective action tied to it is no apology at all. In fact, it’s an insult. When you apologize without any remedy attached, you’re telling someone “I don’t think I did anything wrong, but you’re a stupid, whiny baby who needs some words to feel better so here they are.”

There are several kinds of people who are the personify this: sports celebrities who’ve been caught cheating, wife beaters like Chris Brown, and AT&T Internet customer service representatives.

I don’t know who trained those people, but apparently they are told to insert the word “ma’am” or “sir” into every phrase, and to constantly apologize for everything.

I apologize ma’am for the inconvenience ma’am.
I’m sorry ma’am but this will take a few moments ma’am.
Ma’am, I’m sorry you had to call us ma’am. (Not as sorry as I am)

I don’t know who trains these people, but apparently they are told to apologize profusely, especially when they cannot fix the problem. Saying the words does not make it right. Saying “I’m sorry” or “I apologize” does not correct the problem, fix what you broke, or return trust.

Only action does.

When you apologize in your life, make sure your apology includes how you are going to fix the problem.

Don’t be like AT&T.

A Story About Giving Feedback

2009-03-10T20:26:00.000-07:00

At my grandfather's urging, my dad joined the Army in 1960. For the next three years, he was part of the 7th Army Band, stationed in Germany.

My dad hated the Army. It was a lot like M*A*S*H, especially the terrible food. If it wasn't for Tabasco sauce, he would have starved to death (as it was, my mom said he looked like a concentration camp survivor himself when his tour was over).

He and his buddies loved Tabasco. They poured it on everything. One day, in a fit of boredom, they decided to write a letter to the President of the Tabasco company. They told him how much they loved the sauce and how it helped them eat Army food. Once the letter was written, they sent it off and forgot all about it.

Quite some time later, they received a package from the United States. In it was a letter from the President of Tabasco. He told them how it made his day when he opened their letter. He was proud that his product was so vital to them and that he was helping his country's members of the military.

In fact, he was so pleased with their letter, he wrote, that he hoped they enjoyed the enclosed case of the brand new Green Tobasco sauce.

Has there been a time when you've received something wonderful in return for unsolicited complimentary feedback?

Getting & Giving Feedback

2009-03-09T20:22:00.000-07:00

It's a great gift to give someone feedback.

I don't necessarily mean feedback as in "here's what I think you're doing wrong and how to fix it." Unless someone is specifically asking for correction, unsolicited critiques are generally met with a resounding lack of enthusiasm.

The kind of feedback I'm referring to is a general response to someone letting them know they've been heard, or noticed, or appreciated. Too often we're ignored if we're doing a good job and then criticized if there's a mistake.

And sometimes we just want to know if anyone is listening. We need to know that we're not talking to ourselves, or shouting into the wind.

Here's the very nice thing about feedback: usually if you give some, you'll get some back!

Tomorrow, I'll tell you a story about some feedback my Dad gave someone and what came of it.

More Talking to Strangers

2009-03-07T18:22:00.001-08:00

Apparently I'm not the only person who talks to strangers!

If you read the comments on yesterday's post, note the comment from James (the second one). I've met James before and then ran into him at a business trade show Thursday morning. We walked and talked on our way to Starbucks. We then struck up a conversation with a friendly fellow named T'shaka while waiting in line. What did we talk about? Coffee, of course.

That's one of the "tricks" to talking with strangers. Make your comments very strictly related to your situation. How long the line is, how much you like coffee, or the age-old standby - the weather. Of course in Fresno, it's "OMG I can't believe how hot it is" for most of the year, which doesn't leave the other person much more to say except for "I know, it's so hot."

Another tip is to not ask a question. Make a statement, but just put it out there like you could be talking to yourself. That way if they don't want to talk, you're not forcing them to respond. They can ignore it. Or, they can respond back and you've got the conversational ball moving along.

Hey James, we had fun that morning, but you totally missed it in the afternoon. When I went for another cup of coffee, I didn't have to start the conversation. Hoss did.

Hoss is about 6'5", works for a process server... and a florist! He was as nice and congenial and polite as they come. I don't think Hoss could not talk to strangers. And I bet everyone talks back, too.

Do You Talk to Strangers?

2009-03-06T19:56:00.000-08:00

We were all taught as children to not talk to strangers. I'm sure my parents tried as hard as anyone else, but as soon as I could talk, I spoke to anyone and everyone.

My poor Mom, if she turned her back on me in a department store, I was gone. But not to worry! I would end up chatting away with the ladies at the checkout.

I still talk to "strangers" every day. Other people fascinate me. I usually find them charming; and if they're not charming, they are still interesting.

On Thursday I was part of a day-long event with a trade show and seminars. I talked to new people all day long as they visited the Clovis Chamber booth. No problem, that's what we're supposed to do at a trade show (or any other networking forum). But I also talk to people when I'm in line for lunch or coffee.

I think a lot of people are fine with talking to strangers, but they don't want to start the conversation. They worry that they'll be rebuffed or that the other person will turn out to be a stalker (I guess). Whatever their reasons, I find that most of the time they are willing to converse, as long as someone else starts it.

Do you talk to strangers? Please comment and let me know if you do, where and when.

Will UFO Sightings be Reported on Twitter?

2009-02-23T19:10:00.000-08:00

Whenever I see the planet Venus shining brightly in the night sky, I always have to quote from one of the best X-files episodes ever, "Jose Chung's From Outer Space:"

No other object in the night sky is more often mistaken for a UFO than the planet Venus.

It is best said in a very deep, portentous voice because the line was delivered by Jesse Ventura.

So when I see this headline, "Is Facebook the Killer App for UFO disclosure?" on Art Bell's Coast to Coast AM, I know the answer is

NO way! The first major UFO sighting that can be verified will be Tweeted on Twitter.

Can you just see it?

RT: There is a giant UFO hovering over First and Ashlan. http://TwitPic.com/UFO

How to Create Your Own TweetUp

2009-02-22T08:06:00.000-08:00

After the wonderful success of the first Fresno TweetUp on February 20th, I think everyone needs to create their own TweetUps on a regular basis.Picture of just a few of the Fresno TweetUp by @MsJennyJen

What is a TweetUp? It's simply a meeting (a meet up) of people that gets arranged on Twitter. Messages on Twitter are called "tweets" so the name "TweetUp" is a play on words.

It's very simple, you just put the word out as to a time and place, then see who shows up. It could be one-on-one. I met with @Relocater and @NewHomesFresno for coffee and all the arrangements were made on Twitter. That made it a TweetUp. Or it could be a much larger event.

Here are tips for creating a large TweetUp:

Make sure you have enough people in the local area who are engaged and talking with each other. This is the ultimate word-of-mouth experiment.
Test the waters by suggesting a TweetUp. If you get a lot of messages asking when and where, there's interest and you're ready to go.
Use a free polling service such as TwtPoll to get an idea of the best time for the most people (this also helps create more interest in the event).
Choose a location that is convenient and attractive. Since Twitter is still in the early adoption stages, there's probably a lot more people under 40, so HomeTown Buffet is not your best bet. You might find that a local restaurant may be willing to provide some free appetizers if you are going to bring them 30 or 40 people at once who will all want drinks.
Create an invitation on TwtVite and start sending it out. Ask people to RT (retweet) and pass the invitation along.

(Picture by @Relocater from her phone)
The Fresno TweetUp idea came from Shantay Davies (@NewHomesFresno). Once she set a time and date, she released the information and the event was on! There were over 50 people; it was definitely a success.

Here are a few more suggestions:

Keep it as simple as possible; you already have a job.
Have name tags and ask people to use their Twitter name and real name.
Plan it no more than a week or two in advance. Too long of notice and the excitement dies down. Plenty of TweetUps have been created on-the-fly, but give it a week or two for the most attendance.
It's okay to tweet at a TweetUp! You'll engage those who couldn't attend and help them feel less left out. And the point of Twitter is the immediacy of the medium. You'll also drum up more interest in the next one.
Be willing to let "ownership" of the event go. It will take on a life of its own.

Have you had a TweetUp in your town? How did it go? Are you planning one? Tell us about it!

What Happened at the First Fresno TweetUp

2009-02-20T20:14:00.000-08:00

The anticipation has been building for days. When it finally got started, I think the very first Fresno TweetUp was better than anyone hoped for.

No one knew quite what to expect. @FresYes said it was like everyone was getting ready for prom night. And there was a serious discussion right before hand: do we tweet at a TweetUp? Should we not? Is it completely face 2 face? We weren't sure what the right thing to do was going to be. So of course, the first few people who did tweet at the event got laughed at and teased just a little, but their messages were in support of those who were lost, on their way, or feeling left out.

It felt a little bit like a blind date. People sort of knew what you looked like, but not sure (people are always taller in real life). Everyone had someone they had to meet, so we walked around, peering at name tags. Then there would be the glad sounds of recognition "Hey, great to finally meet you."

It felt a little bit like a family reunion. You're pretty sure you remembered someone and there was definitely something in common, so the warm up time was a lot shorter than any other "meet and greet" where most of the people hadn't met.

Topics of Discussion:

How long you'd been on Twitter
How long you were sort of on it before you really got going
How addicted you were to it
Twitter success stories (new friends made, great contacts found, resources provided)
How Tweeters almost never use Google search any more
There are a lot more Fresno Tweeters than anyone thought

After the party warmed up, the technology really came out. @ResPres started broadcasting live video at the event through www.qik.com, so we totally got our geek on. People were texting their friends, and emails were sent, probably with pictures.

There were so many amazing people. Thank you to ALL of you! I'm so glad I met every single one of you at the TweetUp.

I've been to a LOT of networking events (seriously... a LOT) and this was unlike any I'd ever been to. There was an almost even ratio of men to women. The uninformed might think that it would be mostly men, but that's because they don't realize this is a people thing, not a computer thing. I wasn't surprised that most of the people there were between 20 and 35, although a few people told me how their Mom or Aunt Barb were on Twitter.

Here's a few more things I learned:

@ShyTrbleMaker isn't shy
I think maybe @MikeOz is, just a little. He's definitely humble about growing the Fresno Twitter commununity.
@CreativeAgentVA isn't from Virginia, she's a Virtual Assistant
@KatrinaNeufeld knows her Twitter name is boring, but it's important for her to be transparent
@FresYes is as awesome as @Relocater said he was
@SusanWilke has curly hair, which you can't tell from her avatar
@JamesCollier still looks cool even without the fu

There's so much more; perhaps some of you will comment and provide your impression of the event. I'll link to your blog posts (which I'm sure are coming) over the next few days.

Oh, does someone have a picture I could post? Chamber Woman had her business cards, but not a camera!

Is Your IQ Higher than Your EQ

2009-02-19T19:54:00.000-08:00

Tonight I had the opportunity to hear Nancy Avera, a marketing communications consultant, talk about networking success as it relates to your "EQ." You've heard of IQ, right? Your intelligence level as it relates to problem-solving and word-usage. EQ is your emotional intelligence.

The term was defined, and the field basically created, by Daniel Goldman. Ironically, his first book requires a high IQ to read - it's very academic. Bottom line is that he found people who had a higher EQ actually did better in life than those who had a high IQ and a lower EQ.

Low EQ? Or just a major Lance Armstrong fan?

High emotional intelligence means having the ability to recognize, understand and manage emotions in yourself and in interactions with others. If you have a high EQ, you're likely to be very good at networking.

The good news is that unlike IQ which is fixed throughout your life, your EQ can be developed.
Start by becoming aware of your thoughts and emotions. Then you use that awareness to stay flexible and positively direct your emotions.
Next, you'll develop social awareness where you're able to pick up no others emotions and get what's going on.
Finally, you'll be adept at relationship management, the awareness of emotion to successfully manage interactions with others.

Thanks, Nancy, for an interesting evening, and thanks to the PRSA for putting together the presentation at the Public House, where I had a lovely pint of bitters and sweet potato french fries. It doesn't get much better than that.

A Great Day on the Amgen Tour in Clovis

2009-02-18T18:27:00.000-08:00

The finish of stage 4 of the Amgen Tour of California in Clovis was a complete success! The Clovis Chamber hosted a party for our members who enjoyed great food, a cake, and of course a terrific view of the final sprint to the finish.

Several times today, I went out, took pictures and then posted them everywhere I could (Twitter, Facebook, and even Channel 30's website). After I started getting great comments back from my friends, I realized what a nice thing I was doing for people.

Many of them couldn't be there. And even if they watched it on TV or the Amgen website, they still weren't going to get the flavor of the event from the regular coverage. The pictures I posted were from the setup, of people I know, behind the scenes, crowd shots, and all those little things the mainstream media don't feel are important.

I hope I helped a lot of people feel more connected to the event today. If you want to see a lot more pictures, visit my Facebook page www.BethonFacebook.com

Are You Willing to Pay the Price

2009-02-17T18:47:00.000-08:00

I hope you're enjoying the Amgen Tour of California as much as I am, although I think a big part of my enjoyment has been knowing that they are going right by our office tomorrow afternoon! I'm inspired by watching these amazing athletes. Not to get on a bike and ride 100 miles; I'm inspired to keep going and persevere on my personal goals.

(Picture of Tyler Hamilton at the Tour of California by Dan Harrelson)

These athletes are willing to pay the price to compete at this level. If you want to be successful in your life, you also need to be willing to pay the price. Who are you paying and with what? You're paying yourself with time spent studying, learning, and practicing.

It's a very natural desire, to be able to be good at something without spending hours and hours practicing it. But what do you think the difference is between the guys on the Amgen Tour and our couch potato selves (besides about 30% more body fat)? They were willing to get up and out there every single day, paying the price.

Are you willing to pay the price for a vibrant, active and supportive network of relationships? It involves getting up early, staying late, and investing the time. Most people aren't willing to do it, leaving all those interesting business contacts just for you.

Watching the Amgen Tour of California

2009-02-16T15:42:00.001-08:00

Since I had the day off, JD and I spent most of the day watching the Amgen Tour stage 2. I'm not really that into bike racing (I'm a NASCAR fan), but I watched it because it was quality time with my husband. And he's really into it.

As we watched, though, I started to get into it and was even able to understand the strategies and tactics by relating it to something I did understand (stock car racing).

Could you do this? Instead of tuning out when new contacts or old friends wax enthusiastic about something you have no interest in, try to:

learn why they are so fascinated by it,
draw parallels to something you do enjoy,
and just take it as a learning experience.

My friend Jen Palmer has no interest in NASCAR at all! But she'll actually bone up on a few facts before she comes over to watch a race, just to be polite. Can you do any less to enhance a friendship?

P.S. The Amgen Tour of California Stage 4 on Wednesday, February 18 is going right past the Clovis Chamber on their way to the finish line about 200 yards away. If you're watching on TV, look for the 2 story yellow building with a shake roof. I'll be right there!

Networking Lessons from NASCAR

2009-02-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

Everything I need to know about life I learned in Kindergarten (or from Star Trek), but there are some very interesting applications of networking in NASCAR. Okay, I realize this is a little bit of a stretch, but today is the Daytona 500, so this is a a special post to celebrate the occasion. And it's okay to laugh because I didn't post anything special for Valentine's day!

Networking lessons from NASCAR:

Self-promotion is necessary. Carl Edwards got his ride by attending races and handing out his business card to everyone. This didn't get him the job (his skills did), but would they have known to look at him if he hadn't been out there actively promoting himself? If Carl Edwards isn't too good to self-promote, neither are you.
Trust matters. Whether it's someone you can trust as a drafting partner, knowing who will go with you when it's time to break to the outside line, or believing you can drag race to the finish without him wrecking you (Jeff Burton); trust is important. In business networking, we're building trust when we work on our relationships.

Friends will help you. Once you've built relationships with good people who believe in you, they will come through with help when you need it. Just ask Kirk Shelmerdine (a former Dale Earnhardt crew chief) who qualified for his first-ever Daytona 500 in 2006 on tires bought with donations from Earnhardt fans. If you've come through for them, your business friends will come through for you.
Loyalty is everything. Jeffrey Gitomer says that customer satisfaction, but loyalty is everything. NASCAR fans are as loyal as they get. Just look at the products they buy, the clothes they wear, and the places they go. Fans know how to show their esprit d'corps. In return (or perhaps this created it) NASCAR is the most fan-centric sport of any. How can you transform your networking friends to networking fans? Are you fan-centric enough?

Thanks for visiting on this special day ;-) Enjoy your Daytona 500 and ...

Go Mikey!

A Tale of Two Networkers Revisited

2009-02-13T19:46:00.000-08:00

Remember my friend from "A Tale of Two Networkers?" He said he didn't need more friends right now. I was bemused but not amused.

Guess who emailed me today for help with something? At first, I was a little indignant and enjoyed the flagrant irony of the moment. But then I revised my thoughts on why he would say something like that and still look for help from me.

He's stressed about the economy like everyone else is. That is understandable. And what he said wasn't hateful or nasty, just a little ... abrupt.
His definition of "friend" is different from mine.

He's probably thinking of "friend" as someone you'd hang out and watch sports with. Someone whose company is pleasant and amusing, but not helpful in any sort of business way. If his business is struggling, then he doesn't have time to spare for socializing.

I think of friends very differently. I deliberately decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to keep my "business contacts" from becoming personal friends if there was simpatico. Sure, it's caused a few headaches (you know who you are!), but has been completely worth it.

If you and I have done business, I consider you a friend. And friends help each other with information, resources, and business development. If I have a lot of friends that I've helped, I'm going to enjoy a lot of success.

I hope my networker friend figures that out.

P.S. You don't have to wonder if I helped him, do you?

Should I Link All My Accounts?

2009-02-12T19:22:00.000-08:00

Todd Schnick commented about yesterdays post (he read it and then gave back), asking if I think we should link our Twitter posts to Facebook. Thanks Todd! And thank you to Suzanne Moles who is a great giver by leading people in the Fresno area onto social networking sites.

Should you have your "tweets" post to Facebook? I guess it depends on how you Tweet, what you're doing with Twitter, and how you use Facebook. Personally, I don't do that because I carry on conversations on Twitter, which would look strange on Facebook (seeing only one side of a conversation). And, I think my audience is different for each site, so they might not be interested in hearing the same things.

If you're on 42 different social networking site, yes, maybe you want to repost from one account to another to save time. But to me, the purpose of these sites is to develop personal relationships, not so much advertising. So I think I'll keep them separate for now.

Oh! Except for Plaxo which (to me) doesn't have any interaction anyway :-)

What Can You Give in Social Media

2009-02-11T20:02:00.001-08:00

If you're new to social media and this whole "cyberspace" thing, you've got to be curious about what you can actually give someone. Here are 5 ways to give to your online friends:

1. Relevant information

Please - if I get "This was in USA Today so it must be true, Microsoft is giving money for forwarding emails" just one more time ....

Give information that is relevant and timely to the person (or people) you are sharing it with. This can be in the form of a website link, a blog post, a picture, a news item, etc. It must somehow benefit or educate or enlighten them somehow.

2. Introduce them to someone they want to "meet"

Pass on that LinkedIn introduction request! Unless they are very obviously going to bother that person, of course, but that's what social networking is for. And don't wait for them to ask ... make a suggestion if you see they have a need.

3. If you blog, give them a mention

And link back to one of their relevant blog posts. The interweaving of blogs, links, Twitter profiles, etc. will not only help them, it will strengthen your entire network.

4. Comment on their blog

This is how bloggers know that someone is listening. A blog is meant to be a conversation, not a monologue. Don't lurk, participate!

5. Send them something on Facebook

I was initially very skeptical of this and stayed out of the whole "You received a frosty beer" and "You've received a 'lil green patch" thing. Then my friend Melaney Shaum told me how she sends all her new friends a flower (that I can't spell). It's created conversations and deepened relationships. But if you send them one and they ignore, don't keep sending.